Not toilet trained 5 year old

[Senmumm2021]

Very long standing member just NC-ed.

AIBU to think a child who isn't toilet trained at 5 there is more to it than just parents who haven't tried hard enough? And that a NT child would not still be in nappies even if parents were lazy?

Whose child is this?

If I recall correctly around 10% of 7 year olds have some continence issues, though that can include NT kids with physical issues e.g. overactive/irritable bladder.

I dont know, I think the older the child the harder it is to train them and if the parents never bothered at all then for some kids it might not happen

Mine. I have no idea what is left to try yet also feel like I've completely let them down.

Most likely more to it, yes.
It would be very, very rare, I suspect, for it to be down to parental laziness. After all, life is much easier for parents when the child is toilet trained.

Potty training is hard work and takes enormous effort from a young age with lots and lots of encouragement. It doesn't just happen.

If it's your child and you've tried then yes I would think there might be something else going on

Are there any other problems with the child’s mental/physical health ?

You could be talking about me I’m in the same boat with a non-NT child and it’s really tough.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky it came up in my phone flashback thing today that we first started 3 years ago today at 2. Its been continual since then. 3 very very long years.

At this age, you'd have taken them to the doctor. So what has the doctor said?

@goodnightgrandma not hugely, slightly behind in all areas but not significantly so. Oldest DC is autistic.

@Itsalmostanaccessory this has been part of the issue, he was 3.5 when the pandemic started so accessing services has been horrendous. Finally managed to get a GP appointment to a very new GP who didn't really grasp what I was asking.

Have spoken to ERIC several times. Continence referral went in in May. Health visitor stumped but virtually zero access to them due to pandemic.

I can't work out where we've gone wrong or if there is more to it.

Try the Eric website: www.eric.org.uk/

Is this happening during the day or only at night op?.
If still during the day definitely see a gp if at night see how things go . My son was the worst and just grew out of it at night by 6 . He's NT by the way ,some children are just slower on the uptake

Day and night. No success at all yet.

Can you describe the specific issues?

Soiling or wetting? All the time or some of the time? What's diet and fluid intake like?

Generally how is behaviour/ communication/ understanding/ emotional regulation?

Night can take a long time ... they say the hormones just click at some point and that does seem to be what has happened with my son. He's 12. Things clicked in October - 2 accidents since and almost the first time he's woken in the night with them. Sharing as I found it helpful to realise it can take that long without any real issue behind it.

@Senmumm2021 is he constipated? I assume ERIC asked and explained DC can be pooing and still constipated? DS got dry and 5.5 and the only thing that did it was realising he was constipated despite pooing daily, and that compressed the nerve endings. He is on movicol probably forever and senna for now but he is dry in the day. odd accident as he can't hold it for long but then he's been toielt trained less that a year so it'll come

www.yourtherapysource.com/blog1/2016/02/21/toilettrainingandgrossmotorskills/

Years ago a friend of mine was going through this with her 7 year old. I remember that she was astonished to be told to get him to work on his balance, via a scooter and a bicycle and she was even more astonished when it began to help. A bit wacky sounding but was nhs advice.

Yes,is he constantly in nappies round the clock or does he sometimes use the toilet?

My child really struggled too so I understand the feelings of letting your child down. They were having multiple accidents at school and I felt like the worst parent. We are still under a specialist and my child is on medication and also laxatives. We had to measure liquid intake and amount and number of wees. This might be worth trying with your child over several days. Turns out their bladder capacity was a third of what it should be and rather than going to the toilet 6-8 times, it was 18-20! No wonder they were struggling. Medication has changed our lives and they are now dry 99% of the time. It has been over 2 years though so be prepared,if there is an issue, that it’s not an overnight thing to fix . Make sure your child is drinking plenty of water and not sips but big drinks and really good luck. Hopefully your child won’t have a medical issue like mine and just get it, but it might be worth persevering to see a specialist.

He has never used a toilet.

I think we've ruled out constipation with the GP as Eric sent us that route too.

It is both soiling and wetting. He is petrified of the toilet. No amount of rewarding/zero pressure/making it less desirable to be in nappies has worked. School have had no luck too.

He has communication delays, social skill delays. He is fairly anxious. Nothing majorly behind but not quite with his peers.

Op have you tried weeing outdoors in summer, if he is petrified of the toilet?

Does he ever communicate that he needs to go?

Ah ok so it isn't that he doesn't know so much as wouldn't use it any way.

Does he know? Will he tell you so you can change his nappy? Can he change it himself? Does he use the bathroom for teeth cleaning etc? In what way does the fear manifest?