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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not exchange gifts with husband?

40 replies

fancyfrank1 · 09/12/2021 18:38

Myself an husband agreed we wouldn't exchange gifts for each other this year as we left starting shopping for the children very late... he was spoilt on his birthday in November I'm not fussed on gifts for me anyway and will just buy when I see/ want something usually... anyway long story short husband wants to now buy gifts I have budgeted my money and said can't really afford too I still have things to get for the children and also Xmas food shop then just living in general! He said the children will be upset when we don't open anything but I honestly don't think they will even notice!! Aibu to say we stick to our plan it's pointless buying cheap tat but I can feel an argument brewing over it on his side 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
keepOutOfTheFridgeDerek · 09/12/2021 18:40

Your husband sounds like a bloody great spoiled man baby.

Ponoka7 · 09/12/2021 18:43

How old are the children?

bonkersbirdie · 09/12/2021 18:45

How old are the kids? Mine asked me if I had been naughty because I only got one present one year. Grin

Original poster
fancyfrank1 · 09/12/2021 18:45

They are 5,8,9.

OP posts:
toolazytothinkofausername · 09/12/2021 18:46

The children honestly won't care.

trickytrudy · 09/12/2021 18:48

I can categorically say I never saw or knew of my parents exchanging Christmas gifts. They spent all they had on me and my Sister.

Northofsomewhere · 09/12/2021 18:48

I'd be a little upset to not really open anything thoughtful on Christmas (especially if other people haven't gifted anything) but at the same time there was already a joint agreement in place. Could you agree a very low limit (£5/10?) And challenge each other to get something nice and thoughtful. The best secret Santa I had was to buy something from Poundland, it relieved a lot of the pressure to spend more than the set limit and tbh the gift wasn't that bad.

I'd probably never agreed to not buy for each other but as the agreement was made I think he should stand by it or find a way to buy a small value but considered gift.

Ponoka7 · 09/12/2021 18:50

If anything they might want a token gift to give to you and their Dad, but won't be bothered by you not giving each other presents.

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 09/12/2021 18:52

What's he upset about, him not getting a gift or Jim wanting to spoil you

Thistooshallpsss · 09/12/2021 18:52

From very early on we gave our children a very small amount of money so they could choose presents for us and their siblings. It seemed to work they often bought random things but I thought the whole concept had a lot to offer on lots of different levels choosing for someone else managing the money wrapping with help as well as giving gifts on Christmas morning. Op your children are at a lovely age to do this it could be as small as a chocolate bar or a pencil - just a thought so they could see you were both included

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 09/12/2021 18:53

Dh and I rarely used to give each other gifts because we spent all on the dc and a few other people. Now we do a few, I've got him some stuff.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 09/12/2021 18:54

We do each other a stocking. Sweets and a few bits. No real gifts. Lots of pressure off ime!!

Stuckhere2021 · 09/12/2021 18:56

YANBU to not be bothered swapping gifts but I don’t understand your point about said gifts being out with your budget? Do you and DH have separate funds?

DH and I couldn’t be arsed with gifts but always got each other something when DC were young as they liked to see us open gifts. It usually consisted of us buying ourselves something from each other and sticking it under the tree.

If you are saying you can’t afford to buy him a gift but he has money to buy you one, then that is not much of a marriage IMO.

ItsDinah · 09/12/2021 19:01

Just wrap up groceries or things you have lying unused at back of wardrobe and act delight when you unwrap.

thewhatsit · 09/12/2021 19:01

A few years a go I would have thought it quite sad. Now I don’t want a present from DH at all. More because if I want/ need something specific I’ll get it and I increasingly hate buying things for the sake of buying them.

MrsMiddleMother · 09/12/2021 19:23

I'd get him lynx gift set.

7catsisnotenough · 09/12/2021 19:41

We don't buy for each other at Christmas or birthdays necessarily, we buy each other things during the year if we see something we know the other would like. We spend our "Christmas " money on the (grown up!) kids and our grandchildren...that's the enjoyment of Christmas for us, seeing others enjoying themselves 😊

laudete · 09/12/2021 19:46

Xmas is for kids. I'd help the older two (and the littlest if they were keen) choose something small and cheap to give mom and dad - a couple of large chocolate bars or similar - and wrap those up. There is always something fun and endearing about lumpy wrapping paper and a billion pieces of mishandled sellotape balls. But, there is no point buying "tat" for each other. You are adults who can buy anything you need or want at any time.

5keletor · 09/12/2021 19:52

YANBU, sounds great! I don't see the need to buy lots of gifts for other adults at Christmas - maybe a small thing, but it isn't necessary. I also don't know any adults, in our family at least, who would be put out at not getting a present.

mewkins · 09/12/2021 19:55

@Thistooshallpsss

From very early on we gave our children a very small amount of money so they could choose presents for us and their siblings. It seemed to work they often bought random things but I thought the whole concept had a lot to offer on lots of different levels choosing for someone else managing the money wrapping with help as well as giving gifts on Christmas morning. Op your children are at a lovely age to do this it could be as small as a chocolate bar or a pencil - just a thought so they could see you were both included
I agree with this. It can be a really small amount but the kids and you can choose something together. Focus on consumables.
sirfredfredgeorge · 09/12/2021 20:02

What's he upset about, him not getting a gift or Jim wanting to spoil you

Is Jim the OP's bit on the side or their rich brother/uncle, there's quite a bit of difference to how the OP's partner might feel? I think we need to hear more about Jim before we can say really....

(OP of course stick to the agreement!)

Bookworm20 · 09/12/2021 20:03

He's left it a bit late to change his mind!

I'd make him something Grin
Or stick a picture of yourself in a frame and give him that.
Or a lovely £1 scented candle from poundland and put a little label on it 'you're the light of my life' or some such.

Explain you had no money left so you decided on a gift straight from your heart. Grin

He might make sure he's a little more specific next time.

shouldistop · 09/12/2021 20:05

Could you not let the children choose some sweets / chocolates or whatever at the supermarket ?

HarrisMcCoo · 09/12/2021 20:08

We just buy each other a token gift to open in front of the children. Doesn't need to be a lot.

HarrisMcCoo · 09/12/2021 20:09

Don't tell Jim though. Keep this to yourselves 😂