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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 10pm is too late to ring for a chat ?

29 replies

catfunk · 08/12/2021 22:15

DH's mother tends to phone and waffle on a bit (it's a running joke) and she and FILstay up very late and sleep in late. Both retired.

we've gone to bed at 10 as both knackered and up for work at 6.30. She calls.... he answers because thinks must be emergency. No - just chatting on as usual. She's not super old and not lonely. That's not normal / ok is it ? Or is it ! It really wound me up !

OP posts:
MurielSpriggs · 08/12/2021 22:17

Don't answer. It's not an emergency.

Stiffcondomhat · 08/12/2021 22:17

"Sorry can't chat I'm just going to sleep. Early evening is a better time." sorted.
Yes it's a bit late.

MeredithGreyishblue · 08/12/2021 22:19

"Mum, I thought something must have been really wrong. We were in bed. Can it not wait until daylight?"

PlanktonsComputerWife · 08/12/2021 22:20

I'd be so fucked off.

Original poster
catfunk · 08/12/2021 22:22

Well that's what I would have said of course.. in fact he did and she carried on. He's not very assertive. Im lying there fuming that he's not hung up, reminding myself He's an adult and can give her 5 mins if he wants.

OP posts:
Billandben444 · 08/12/2021 22:23

Screen the calls via voicemail - if it's an emergency you'll hear about it. 9pm is the latest to ring for a chat imo.

PlanktonsComputerWife · 08/12/2021 22:23

And then it's the raaaage that keeps you awake.

Justmuddlingalong · 08/12/2021 22:23

He should tell her a more appropriate time to call as he worries there's something wrong when she calls so late. If she continues to call late, he answers the phone screeching "oh my god mum, is everything ok?"

JayAlfredPrufrock · 08/12/2021 22:25

Phone her at 6.30 in the morning.

For a chat.

sbhydrogen · 08/12/2021 22:26

That is annoying! If I'm called in the evening I assume somebody has died.

My great uncle used to lose track of time and call whenever he fancied. He once called at 2am!

Original poster
catfunk · 08/12/2021 22:30

@JayAlfredPrufrock

Phone her at 6.30 in the morning.

For a chat.

Haha good idea
OP posts:
MintyGreenDream · 08/12/2021 22:32

Put your phones on silent at night

Soyouthought · 08/12/2021 22:34

@JayAlfredPrufrock

Phone her at 6.30 in the morning.

For a chat.

Brilliant 🤩
Robin233 · 08/12/2021 22:37

My parents told not to ring anyone after 9 unless it's an emergency as it was rude.

Justmuddlingalong · 08/12/2021 22:39

Or if you've a spare room, suggest to DH that you'll sleep in there so if he wants to chat to his DM when you're trying to sleep, you won't be disturbed.

specialsauce · 08/12/2021 22:41

Phone cut off time:

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 08/12/2021 22:42

I was brought up not to call after 9, but I know that’s not universal. I’d set the phone to do not disturb after 10pm, you can have it so if the person calls back 2/3 times it then rings as an emergency.

CherryRedDMs · 08/12/2021 22:42

I agree that not after 9pm used to be the rule

ForbiddentoForbid · 08/12/2021 22:44

I wouldn't answer after 9. If it was an emergency they'd keep calling or leave a voicemail.

Kite22 · 08/12/2021 22:45

My thinking is I wouldn't phone anyone between 9.30pm and 9.30am unless it was some kind of emergency or they have specifically left a message asking me to phone "anytime before 11" or whatever.

But he needs to man up a bit.
He should have said "Mum, we've turned in for an early night, I assumed this was an emergency. Please don't call us after 9pm if there is no an emergency". No need to be rude, but need to be clear.

Then, if that doesn't work, start phoning her at 6am as suggested above.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/12/2021 22:47

YANBU. He should have cut her off. And if he didn’t I’d have kicked him out of bed. Madness.

TwinklyBranch · 08/12/2021 22:49

It's late for you but it wouldn't be for me. I quite often ring my mum for a chat between 10 and 11pm. Neither of us go to bed before midnight.

WindyWindsor · 08/12/2021 22:49

If they're a night people I can completely see how 10pm is early to them.

There's no use getting fucked off about it though. Assuming they're not batshit your DH simply telling them 10pm is usually when you're off to bed and giving a more reasonable time to call should solve the problem.

If they carry on calling at 10pm after that conversation then get fucked off. This is another case of people have different ways of living and they can't read your mind.

JalfreziAtChristmas · 08/12/2021 23:01

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer

I was brought up not to call after 9, but I know that’s not universal. I’d set the phone to do not disturb after 10pm, you can have it so if the person calls back 2/3 times it then rings as an emergency.
I would say not after 9 is fairly universal. I would never think of it and I would feel a bit worried calling anyone after 8 even!
HangingDitch · 08/12/2021 23:11

No, I’d say anything after 9pm isn’t on unless it’s an emergency. However, I do hope that your DH follows the internationally accepted procedure for answering late calls, namely the requirement to do one of the following before answering:

  • look quizzical and say “funny time”; or
  • feign mock-confusion/irratation and say “who’s this ringing at this time”.