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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People offloading stuff on to you!!

30 replies

hoomama · 08/12/2021 14:34

I'm so annoyed.

I have a friend who is lovely but she offered me a couple of bags of kids clothing the other day. I said yes. Said she needed to sift through them and throw out all of the old stuff & give me the good bits. She turned up with 5 massive bags & a bag full of shoes. Said go through them, chuck anything that's not in good condition and take what I don't want to a charity shop. I haven't got time to sift through 5 bags of clothing. I also haven't got time to run around to charity shops!!

Now, I don't want to seem ungrateful but I went through them and the shoes are literally falling apart. Laces have been tied together several times as they've obviously snapped along the way. Loads of old disgusting bits of clothing with holes & stains. The stuff that is good quality is just terrible in terms of fashion (don't mean to be a dick but it really is awful). So I've got these shit bags hanging around.

Then MIL just gets in touch and her friend has given her 2 big bags of toys for us to have. We haven't got any bloody room for toys. Can hardly say no as she's turning up with them in a bit. I am going to tell her to say no next time as we have too many etc.

Does anyone else feel like people just want to offload all of their childrens old shite on to you because they can't be arsed to deal with it themselves Urg!!

OP posts:
TheLovelinessOfBaublyDemons · 08/12/2021 14:36

No, I think they think we genuinely need it. We don't.

ChillyB · 08/12/2021 14:37

Yep. I had this when I had DS turned up with bags and bags of crap. Tbh I now still have it some still in bags and have moved house in between and need to offload it. DS is only 3.5 years old now Hmm

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/12/2021 14:42

Couldn’t you have said no to friend?

ChangeChingyChange · 08/12/2021 14:43

You sound a bit mean. Of course you have time to go through 5 bags and then take the stuff to charity, you don't even need to go to a shop - nearly every supermarket had clothes banks in the car parks - you could go at any time or any day. Next time just say no thank you.

inloveagain2022 · 08/12/2021 14:47

Yeah. I received lots I was grateful for but one friend literally gave me some stuff fit only for the dump. As if I'd put my PFB in manky over-washed, stretched out, covered in balls and stained babygrows.

I would've given it back but covid happened.

TractorAndHeadphones · 08/12/2021 14:47

Take them alll to primark for recycling and get a voucher
I don’t auppprt fast fashion but hey they recycle for free

Original poster
hoomama · 08/12/2021 15:07

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing I said yea as she said 2 bags and she would go through them and get rid of the bad stuff.

@ChangeChingyChange I realise a sound a bit mean but I genuinely do not have to me to go through them. I have an 18 month old and a 4 year old and a full time job. I do not have time. Also wouldn't have minded if there were some nice bits but from the one bag that I have opened it is literally full of tat.

OP posts:
Original poster
hoomama · 08/12/2021 15:09

@ChangeChingyChange but good idea, I will get my partner to put them in a clothes bank. I'm not going to bother looking through the rest.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/12/2021 15:11

@hoomama sorry I wasn’t clear, I was posting whilst queuing

I meant when she turned up with 5 bags could you have said, no sorry I don’t want 5 bags, I only meant yes to a few bits

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/12/2021 15:11

Giving them to clothes recycling sounds sensible though

Original poster
hoomama · 08/12/2021 15:13

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing I guess I could've done! I just felt a bit awkward and like I had to look really chuffed because she'd given me so much 😂🙈. Perhaps need to grow some balls haha

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 08/12/2021 15:13

Next time you get a charity bag collection through the door put all the bags out on collection day. They'll take it all.

starrynight87 · 08/12/2021 15:14

I would say, 'how kind of you, but we are fine for clothes and shoes, please donate to someone in need'

SugarlumpsesBumpses · 08/12/2021 15:21

YANBU in the sense that why would people give stuff that is just in really poor condition.
YABU to have said yes in the first place without considering if this friend has a similar style to you.

I think donations are welcome for some people depending on quality. I had loads of bags of lovely baby stuff that I was giving to charity but a friend of Dsis is having her third child same sex as mine and is absolutely skint due to change in life circumstance, so me and Dsis went through all the stuff and she's taken a couple of lovely outfits for each age range up to 18months. I wouldn't dare give stuff in really bad quality though to charity or to a friend. Mind you, I keep stuff in v good quality generally in case I want to sell or reuse.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/12/2021 15:24

@hoomama yes I’m sure! I think that’s what they rely on. Make it sounds nice - like giving you a few well chosen items - and then dump 5 bags of crap on you!

DockOTheBay · 08/12/2021 15:31

You should have said no to the friend. Or said something when she turned up with 5 bags.

For the MIL with toys, that's annoying, but there are loads of charities looking for presents for disadvantaged kids at the moment so it should be easy to get rid if them. And ask her to say no next time.

DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 08/12/2021 15:32

It’s not even about having time to go through bags of stuff, maybe the OP just doesn’t want to. That’s entirely reasonable.

Fomofo · 08/12/2021 15:42

Yes v annoying

Cherrytart23 · 08/12/2021 15:45

My friend has done this to me before everything went in the recycling bin and next time she asked I just said no thanks we don't need anything she's never offered again.

Cherrytart23 · 08/12/2021 15:47

And there is absolutely no way I would be accepting toys from any1 at this time of year.

Practicebeingpatient · 08/12/2021 15:59

YANBU. People will try and fob their useless crap off on you because it's so hassly to dispose of it now. We have just cleared out my mothers 4 bedroom house because she has moved to a one bedroom retirement flat. I am sick to death of her trying to pass the useless old crap that even she doesn't want on to me. Or offering DDs her vast collection of American Tan tights.

And for people saying give it to charity or put in in the clothes bank - it's bloody hard giving stuff to charity shops at the moment. I have sorted out anything that actually has a resale value and I walk up and down various local high streets trying to find places that are actually taking donations. One shop actually went through the bag in front of me before graciously agreeing to accept it and the local clothes banks are full almost as soon as they are emptied.

2catsandhappy · 08/12/2021 15:59

When MIL turns up, spend a long time complaining about the bags and bags of tat that you have not got time to go through. Not fit for charity shop or clothes bank, how you are being used for a cheap and easy skip blah blah blah.
Then reverse it for your friend. Your MIL(lovely woman) dumped this bag of sticky broken tat on you. The nerve, what a waste of time blah blah.
You will get a reputation for being fussy and the offers of donations will stop.
Or at the first hint of kind handout, stop them with a timely, oh no, I am mid clear out, Spring clean, going minimal blah blah.

minniep · 08/12/2021 16:11

That's very annoying. I've had this done to me and it's awful. Im all for reusing and passing on clothes (just passed a bag of baby clothes on last week) but not stained and grubby stuff. They obviously had their pre Christmas clear out OP and dumped the contents of the wardrobe on you

yellowflowersintherain · 08/12/2021 16:17

This drives me mad. Our old neighbour used to do this all the time, it was a real struggle to get her to accept that we just didn't want/need it.

It was always in terrible condition as well.

I don't understand it, if I ever pass anything on (e.g. on marketplace or something where somebody has explicitly said they want it) I make sure it's perfectly clean and in good condition. I'd be embarrassed to pass stained/dirty/broken things on to someone else.

girlmom21 · 08/12/2021 16:23

@2catsandhappy

When MIL turns up, spend a long time complaining about the bags and bags of tat that you have not got time to go through. Not fit for charity shop or clothes bank, how you are being used for a cheap and easy skip blah blah blah. Then reverse it for your friend. Your MIL(lovely woman) dumped this bag of sticky broken tat on you. The nerve, what a waste of time blah blah. You will get a reputation for being fussy and the offers of donations will stop. Or at the first hint of kind handout, stop them with a timely, oh no, I am mid clear out, Spring clean, going minimal blah blah.
She'd also get the reputation of being a birch about people attempting to be generous. I wouldn't remain friends with someone who slagged off their MIL for bringing some toys for their kids
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