How to get 5 year old to eat more

[AliveAndSleeping]

Apologies but posting here for traffic.

DD is on the 2nd centile for weight and the 15th or so for height though she was born on the 75th. She's been seen several times by a pediatrician but they can't find anything wrong. I worry because she doesn't have as much stamina as other kids and it's starting to knock her confidence. Both the lack of stamina (and not being able to keep up with other kids physically) and always being the smallest. She keeps getting told that she's tiny by her classmates (and some adults) and it's starting to get to her. Doesn't help that she's the youngest in her class as well.

She just doesn't like to eat. She never seems hungry. She isn't super fussy but her portions are tiny. She's also a very slow eater. She just wants to talk or dream away. There are a few things that she seems to like but she doesn't have much of them either. Even chocolate she refuses most of the time (unlike her mumhmm) though she does like it.

We've tried everything. No pressure approach, bribery, getting her involved in food prep, playing games over dinner and setting a timer. At school she eats even less.

I'm getting desperate but I don't know what to do. All her clothes are too loose (and short) for her. Any ideas?

(She likes healthy food like vegetables and fruits but it's difficult to get enough calories into her. I add fat (olive oil or butter) to her food and am trying to increase her protein intake. She has a bottle of pediasure every day as well).

OP, My DD12 was exactly like this as a youngster and she still eats like a sparrow now. She just doesn't have a big appetite. It used to be such a worry because me and her dad are from the generation that always cleared our plates "because of the starving kids in Africa" whereas she'd have two bites and say she was full. Mealtimes were getting so stressful that my DP became concerned we'd give her an eating disorder so we stopped and now we leave her be and let her eat however much she wants and I try to always cook from scratch so I know she's getting healthy food. Some days she eats virtually nothing, other days she'll polish off a pizza the size of a dustbin lid. I also give her a multivitamin before school every morning to keep her energy levels up.

My point, OP, is that if the tests rule out any underlying issue, maybe leave her be and trust that she'll learn to regulate her own appetite? It's hard as a parent to do that, but just let her know she can eat whenever she wants and see what happens.

DS2 was like this. We decided to focus on making every bite as calorific as possible. I used to make him tiny postage stamp sized sandwiches on wholemeal bread, spread with full fat cream cheese on one side, peanut butter on the other and jam in the middle.

Grate cheese onto pasta, add cream to the sauce - not too much - if it's too rich she might not touch it.

Always use gold top milk if she tolerates it. Use cream cheese instead of butter as it has more protein.

I also used to sneak feed him. I used to post tiny sandwiches into his mouth as he watched TV or reading a bedtime story before doing teeth.

We also introduced supper - crackers, cheese, milk and sliced fruit, as recommended by a doctor. These things helped. He put on weight but remains tiny in stature. Even now he's an adult, he is very slim and delicate looking.

My 6 year old DD is the same. Sits there dreaming instead of eating. I feed her otherwise she doesn't eat or spends one hour eating toast.

@ambereeree

My 6 year old DD is the same. Sits there dreaming instead of eating. I feed her otherwise she doesn't eat or spends one hour eating toast.

Omg yes that's DD. Today morning she took 30min for 3 bites of toast

@Maddiemoosmum0203

I think your doing everything you can and defo get a celiac test My DD was born on the 25th centipede but dropped to below the 2nd I remember reading on her letter at 18 months failure to thrive she was exclusively BF till one and had a great diet but very small portions she’s still the same now at 12 she prefers fruit and veg and will eat anything we just did what your doing adding healthy fats to her meals she hates breakfast same as me and her dad so we don’t push it just pack a lot of snacks she eats them at break and lunch is 1.45pm so perfect for her. Our eldest was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and celiac in y6 she was in nursery so she’s seen me weigh food etc and I was worried it would affect her my DMs open if she is celiac there’s so much choice than there was 10 years ago

Can I asked why she was classed as failure to thrive? DD dropped from 75th to 2nd (over 3 years). She's been seen several times by our GP and several pediatricians and they always said that in spite of her poor weight gain she is a clinically healthy child and we shouldn't worry and of course because she was apparently thriving they refused to investigate further.

@Maverick101

Please please please don't cut out gluten until she's been tested. You run the risk of a false negative otherwise. Your first point of call should always be medical testing. If coeliac is suspected then it's extremely counter productive to cut out gluten before it's confirmed.

Good luck!

Ok. No experiments at home till she's been tested!!

If it’s okay with the consultant I’d be making her pesto based pasta dishes with at least 100g of fat per day. Some days that could be pasta with garlic butter. Some days a pesto with pureed avocadoes (there are a lot of good vegan pesto recipes) and some days with a good quality olive oil. Then add all the other ingrediants. Focus on iron, folate, vitamin d and calcium as they promote growth the fastest at this age. I would also be tempted to add in more home made cake as it’s probably the most nutritionally balanced food out there for people who need to gain weight. Even a few bites here and there will maximise calories with every bite.

OP, I mean this kindly I really do but you have mentioned about "apparently carcinogenic preservatives" and "empty calories" andI wonder what your relationship with food might be like? Are you anxious about what you eat? Do you restrict your diet in some way eg vegan? I'm just wondering if your daughter has somehow learn this behaviour from somewhere?
If your daughter is losing weight then calories in any form (empty calories) are better than no calories

^^ what pp said. I was told this by paediatrician that saw ds - he went down centiles very fast, over about 6 months (25th to under 2nd). He was (and is) clinically well. Getting more calories in is the most important thing - even a few extra bites here and there, so encouraging things she likes is key. Spoonful of choc/hazelnut spread : ok, but clean teeth! If she would eat a small salami or ham sandwich after school every day I'd give it to her. Does she like avocado? DS wouldn't eat it but it's an ideal healthy/high fat combo.

You don't go by birth weight.and birth centiles vs now.
You need to look at height and weight in past year. How many y centiles have dropped? Is she following a line since 6 months ago?
Height growth lag or falling down height centiles since last year maybe an issue eg coeliac

the lack of stamina (and not being able to keep up with other kids physically)

Could be coeliac

Measure very carefully now her height ask hv to record this
And again in three months
It s the growth rate now that counts
Dd stopped growing in height literally stopped.
Was diagnosed coeliac eventually after referring to growth clinic, they carefully monitor growth rate for 6 months after a referral

And v fussy eater

Where does she eat OP? Do you make a habit of forcing meals at the dinner table?

My 6YO DS has never been one for eating meals. He has always been a grazer. Even since he was a baby and would have 2oz every hour.

We let him snack and graze and he does eat more as a result. He just thinks meals and eating are boring and would rather be doing something else instead. He eats more if he is doing something else too.

He also thinks sleep is boring and moans about going to bed

I totally understand why you're reluctant to full her with empty calories and let her eat too much junk, but I think you need to pick a battle. DS is similarly limited on appetite, he's gone from 50th to 25th but that's with 600 calories via gastrostomy. I hate to imagine if he was just reliant on his own intake

At THIS moment, she needs calories and to see that food is good. So if that means sugary cartoon cereal instead of cornflakes then do it. She's not eating three bowls of it, you're not going to make her obese. But three spoonfuls of something she enjoys is better than two spoonfuls of something healthy. Can she take it in the school run with her or can you get something she can eat as she walks? DS will have a raisin biscuit think or a Soreen mini loaf if he's not eaten much toast

What does she have for snack at school? I know the dentist hates it but DS has raisins as there's more calories than an apple (his oy two choices)

He's allowed a small naughty snack - kinder egg or some Easter chocolate etc.

Dinner is what he asks for with some of what I want him to eat. So usually cheese on toast, even if he had cheese sandwich for lunch. Mini pepperami on the side plus some of what I cook his brothers. Pudding always available - apple or a mini buttons dessert.

Is his diet healthy? No.
Is he putting on weight? Just about.
Could filling his plate with healthy food help? No
Can I make him eat? No

As a parent your job is to provide food and their job is to eat it. If that means lowering your standards a little (so offering some less healthy food alongside the good stuff), then so be it

Are we coparenting the same kid @thegreencup

Have you actually added up the calories she consumes in a day? She may be getting enough if she's tiny, not particularly active and not currently having a growth spurt. Can you increase fresh air and vigorous exercise - running around in the park, riding a bike to/from school? Does she go swimming? I don't know many children who aren't starving after that.

In terms of the "dreaming" and taking half an hour for 3 bites of toast - this is behavioural. I don't believe in making children clear their plates but most young children do need you to sit with them, ideally have something to eat yourself at the same time, and keep encouraging/reminding them to have another bite until they've had a reasonable amount.

Is there something that could be making her anxious or nervous so she’s not feeling hunger cues? How is her sleep? Craving/enjoying salty food (like cured meats etc) can indicate that adrenals are taxed and cortisol is higher that it should be. Might be worth checking that side of things and making sure there’s no undue stress impacting her appetite

terms of the "dreaming" and taking half an hour for 3 bites of toast - this is behavioural. I

Correct
But if child has say coeliac undiagnosed it may be responsive to eating causes stomach pain
So not just being "naughty"
Behaviour is communication
Dd was same she had undiagnosed coeliac
No obvious bloating or poos but her body was saying something

@choosername1234

OP, I mean this kindly I really do but you have mentioned about "apparently carcinogenic preservatives" and "empty calories" andI wonder what your relationship with food might be like? Are you anxious about what you eat? Do you restrict your diet in some way eg vegan? I'm just wondering if your daughter has somehow learn this behaviour from somewhere? If your daughter is losing weight then calories in any form (empty calories) are better than no calories

No I'm not restrictive at all and DD sees both me and dh eat happily everything.

I don't restrict her food either but processed meat has been so much in the news recently that I worry about that in particular. (Not in front of dd though). I was just wondering if it's a good idea to give it to her almost every day.

Regarding empty calories my thinking was if she's eating so little I need to make sure that whatever little she does eat really counts. So I'm happy for her to eat cake and biscuits or chips but not too keen on Haribo type sweets..she can still have them just not instead of proper food.

Is that too restrictive?

Funnily enough she isn't keen on stuff that most kids seem to like either. Eg chocolate, cake, crisps. She'll have them once in a while but most of the time she will refuse them as well.

@Embracelife

terms of the "dreaming" and taking half an hour for 3 bites of toast - this is behavioural. I

Correct
But if child has say coeliac undiagnosed it may be responsive to eating causes stomach pain
So not just being "naughty"
Behaviour is communication
Dd was same she had undiagnosed coeliac
No obvious bloating or poos but her body was saying something

I know she's not being naughty. We've asked her if her stomach hurts during and after eating and she said no. She says she just doesn't want to eat.

I am vegetarian though but I think since we don't make that much meat at home I don't think it's a big issue for her. I mean I don't think it looks restrictive. I'm trying to buy more meat for her now to get more calories and proteins into her.

@AliveAndSleeping

Regarding empty calories my thinking was if she's eating so little I need to make sure that whatever little she does eat really counts. So I'm happy for her to eat cake and biscuits or chips but not too keen on Haribo type sweets..she can still have them just not instead of proper food.

Is that too restrictive?

Funnily enough she isn't keen on stuff that most kids seem to like either. Eg chocolate, cake, crisps. She'll have them once in a while but most of the time she will refuse them as well.

With cake even if she does have a bite or two if you load it up that’s 50-100 calories. So you do get more bang for your buck.

@littlejalapeno

Is there something that could be making her anxious or nervous so she’s not feeling hunger cues? How is her sleep? Craving/enjoying salty food (like cured meats etc) can indicate that adrenals are taxed and cortisol is higher that it should be. Might be worth checking that side of things and making sure there’s no undue stress impacting her appetite

Interesting. I didn't know there was a link between cortisol levels and salt cravings.

Yes, she's had quite a few changes recently, new school and we've just had a baby but the poor weight gain precedes that. She's always been a bit anxious / not easy going though even as a baby.