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Original poster

Do we have enough for children

100 replies

Enoughfor · 06/12/2021 19:45

My DH and I are now 33 and wanting to have children. However, and I am probably being unreasonable but am a bit worried about our finances and whether it’s ‘enough’ or if we need to try and climb the career ladder and get payrises first. Our total household income after tax is 3k.

I have (many) twins in the family so am trying to figure out if we could afford 2 kids if that happened.

We have household outgoings of about this 2.2k currently. Do we need to make more first or is this a reasonable sum for children?

OP posts:
ParsleySageRosemary · 06/12/2021 21:43

To be perfectly honest I would look much further ahead and consider whether you really want to have children in Britain, or in an overpopulated world that's going to get worse due to climate change. Have you got family connections, can you give them a decent start in life? What opportunities will they have open to them? That sort of thing. Worrying about the money is short-termist as things change anyway.

DBI78 · 07/12/2021 06:42

It's hard to say but you will make it work. I'd look at your monthly out goings. Consider if you are both planning to work full time or if one will go part time and look at childcare costs and if family are willing to help. Other costs such as clothes, nappies do not have to be a massive impact. Also see what benefits you may be entitled to.

4pmwinetimebebeh · 07/12/2021 06:46

@Glassofshloer

You’ll be absolutely fine. They really don’t cost much until they get to school. And even then people exaggerate.
Are you joking? Our childcare for two under school age is £1400 a month. Is that ‘not much’ to you?

OP I’d look at local nursery prices and, factoring in tax free childcare, work out if you could afford the fees, especially if you go part time etc.

For those saying it’ll be fine I think op is so sensible- so often people post struggling and the response is always ‘why didn’t you work out before if you could afford it’. Saying ‘it’ll be fine’ ‘no one can afford kids really’ is insincere.

FWIW money is v tight due to childcare but will get a lot better when they go to school. It’s worth it though :)

MiloAndEddie · 07/12/2021 06:51

You need to work out what you want to do once the baby is here. Will you be a SAHM, work PT or work FT.
A full time nursery place here (midlands) is £1100 a month so on the face of it, if you go back to work and need paid childcare you haven’t got enough.
Do you get a good maternity package from work? Work out how much you can get because 99% of the time it will result in a drop in income while you’re off so you need to factor that in. We did find it easier to get by because we were going out less!
I know a lot of people say ‘oh crack on, you’ll manage!’ but we wouldn’t have so put it off a little. We had no family childcare so knew we needed that £1100 ‘spare’ really

PlasticCupPolitics · 07/12/2021 06:54

It really does depend on what the childcare situation is going to be, it costs me £1250 per month for two children to attend nursery 3 days per week. So I’d start by looking at local nurseries to get an idea of the cost. The first year on maternity leave and the stuff you have to buy for baby in the beginning, is a doddle in comparison.

PooWillyNameChange · 07/12/2021 07:00

Things you need to budget for:

Nursery X 2 (this is £1600 for us in a cheap area as I'll go back full time)
Extra food (both because extra mouths, and also convenience because making beans and rice from scratch will be beyond you some nights)
Bigger car if necessary
Activities - though you will find you spend less on your own/eating out so should balance
Clothing and equipment - much cheaper secondhand but probably still at least £50-100/month for the first year of their lives depending on how careful you are

I would draw up a budget. It sounds like it would be tight for two unless you have childcare help or can work flexibly so you don't need full time care to go back to work?

traka · 07/12/2021 07:12

Nursery costs have been the biggest change for us. Two days a week, about £540 a month but we pay £440 as gov help

Clothes you can buy a lot second hand same goes with buggy, cot, pretty much everything really

If you're going from full time to part time then there's the financial difference there too. Our friends are eligible for the 30 hrs free childcare next month and we only pay £80 a month for five half days

RussianSpy101 · 07/12/2021 07:16

Your best bet would be to have a look at local nurseries & childminders to get an idea of their costs. You’ll also need to factor in maternity leave which may reduce your income by quite a lot.

HolidayTime2021 · 07/12/2021 07:21

@Glassofshloer

You’ll be absolutely fine. They really don’t cost much until they get to school. And even then people exaggerate.
For most people that is the most expensive time with child care fees
BulldogDrummondBass · 07/12/2021 07:26

All these people going on about how it’s cheaper ‘if you choose to breastfeed’…

Sometimes it isn’t a choice. And it’s okay not to breastfeed!

RantyAunty · 07/12/2021 07:31

I'd be looking at your savings and ways to increase your income.
Also expenses. Expensive hobbies, vices, etc.

It's no fun not being able go anywhere or do anything and just scraping by.

hotmeatymilk · 07/12/2021 08:52

All this “you’re 33, crack on” – she’s 33, not 43. OP, is there a chance of promotions/pay rises/job shifts in the next couple of years? I’d be inclined to boost the savings coffers a bit first and you’ve got loads of time.

EmeraldShamrock · 07/12/2021 09:02

I wouldn't wait much longer trying, even if finances are tight for 5 years afterwards they'll recover.
I genuinely think the threads on here from women who waited building careers and then faced fertility issues are heartbreaking.

Bubblecap · 07/12/2021 11:43

You will alway be a bit poorer having children. At one point my friend had the equivalent of hugely negative wages as such due to having three children in childcare. But she remained in work and that smallish window of time being worse off was worth it.

The best thing to do is go on to money saving expert and work out your budget and look for any possible wriggle too . Then find out how much childcare is in your area, I know my mate pays £50 per day nursery for her one year old.

DH gave up cricket when DS was born because it was an all day thing and with working long full time it would have meant seeing DS on one day a week. So that was a saved expense. I certainly stopped jumping on the train and setting off to London for all nighters with my friends as well.

When DS was older we both negotiated some flexibility in our hours. It meant no breakfast or after school club needed. As he had a late start and I went in really early so I could do school pick up and did compressed hours. On school closure days DH could work at home.

We had no family near us so were incredibly lucky our employers were so good about it. Obviously with some jobs this just isn’t possible.

Bubblecap · 07/12/2021 11:54

The fertility issue is real. I had three friends not try till they were close to forty. One had two dc with ease, no miscarriages and no issues one at 40 and one at 43. One had incredibly expensive IVF with donor eggs and had two dc, the actual cost mentally and money wise was vast one never managed to have any children even though she went to one of the best IVF places on the South coast. I had a further outcome of conceiving when older and that was losing an advanced pregnancy at age 40, miscarriage rates increase with age.

3WildOnes · 07/12/2021 11:54

@Glassofshloer @gogohm it’s not the stuff that is expensive it is the loss of earnings or the childcare. Where I live in SW London a full time nursery place is almost 2k a month.

OP look at nursery costs in your area and work out if you can afford them. If not is one of you a higher earner than the other? If so could one of you SAH with the baby/babies until the free childcare kicks in at 3? Could you still pay all bills on one salary?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/12/2021 11:57

Your outgoings are very very high- do you both work, if you get pregnant remember your income will reduce?

In all honesty I think you dont earn enough given the outgoings.

SmellyOldOwls · 07/12/2021 11:57

@hotmeatymilk

All this “you’re 33, crack on” – she’s 33, not 43. OP, is there a chance of promotions/pay rises/job shifts in the next couple of years? I’d be inclined to boost the savings coffers a bit first and you’ve got loads of time.
And if she has multiple miscarriages or fertility issues? Or wants more than one child? What then? 'Loads of time' is pretty optimistic.
arethereanyleftatall · 07/12/2021 12:14

@Glassofshloer

You’ll be absolutely fine. They really don’t cost much until they get to school. And even then people exaggerate.
Except for the ginormous costs of childcare; either £1k per month per child; or loss of one of your wages. But other than that, yes sure, under 5s are really cheap.
welshweasel · 07/12/2021 12:19

If you breastfeed and are happy to have second hand clothes/pram etc then babies don’t cost much. The biggest issue on maternity leave is the drop in pay. Then once you return to work it’s the childcare. We pay £900 a month for full time nursery.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/12/2021 12:30

people are so naive- £800 a month for 4 people- food alone will take £400- yes nursery is expensive but so are the school years- more so- when school finishes at 3pm and there are weeks and weeks of holidays to fill with childcare. The rise in all bills/ interest rates- that is bad financial position, Im sorry but its reality.

meh12 · 07/12/2021 12:41

but so are the school years- more so- when school finishes at 3pm and there are weeks and weeks of holidays to fill with childcare

I was paying £2000 a month for 2 small kids in nursery, I do not pay anywhere near that in school wraparound care or other school costs. I doubt they will even cost me that much when they're in uni. It's a myth to think childcare costs stop at 5, but for most people it's vastly different from the nursery years, particularly sub 3 years old.

Chickychoccyegg · 07/12/2021 12:45

You'll be fine,I wouldn't have held off waiting to earn or save more, you just make it work.

user1471457751 · 07/12/2021 13:04

@gogohm but those aren't the only costs, you also gave up earning so they cost you whatever your previous salary was.