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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if my experience is anything to go by, this is why people can't 'try' living together before buying somewhere?

46 replies

mssalteena · 06/12/2021 15:56

Often on MN you see posters berating women for moving in with a partner, and leaving themselves financially vulnerable, or alternatively letting a partner move into their place who becomes a cocklodger.

It's frequently said that you should try out living together, a neutral property that's rented so you're not tied to each other etc.

Seems sensible doesn't it, yet DP and I have been trying to do this for months, without success. Every property we try and rent we're turned down for, mainly because we already own other homes and apparently the landlords think we should buy somewhere and not rent! Since the summer we've applied for 15 or so properties, filled out lengthy application forms, given copies of all kinds of personal information (credit scores, bank statements, wage slips, tax returns, you name it!) and been turned down every single time.

We're both trying to protect ourselves financially by renting somewhere together, and yet despite being able to afford to do so, and it being the right thing for us at this stage, we're being made to feel like we're in the wrong!

Not really sure how we can try living together if this is what's going to happen, it rather feels like we're being forced into buying somewhere which is not something either of us wants to do right now.

OP posts:

SilverHairedCat · 06/12/2021 15:59

Can't you just move in to one of your existing homes? It might not be independent as such, but if you can't make the best case scenario work, then you work back down the list.

TheDailyCarbunkle · 06/12/2021 16:00

While I agree in principle with what you're saying, it seems odd to move in with someone that you don't really trust, to the extent that you have to go to a lot of hassle to 'protect' yourself from them. There are relatively simply legal ways for one to move in with the other (why doesn't one of you rent your house out as way of staying financially independent, for example?) without joining all your assets. Renting when you already own is quite a faff especially in this market.

maxelly · 06/12/2021 16:03

Yes I think provided you are sensible about how you arrange the finances, you can move into a property one of you owns without too much risk;of entangling your finances too badly? If you are particularly worried a solicitor can draw up a cohabitation agreement to make it explicitly clear the non-owner does not have any financial interest in the property (should cost not much more than a few hundred pounds, less than a rental deposit anyway)?

IncompleteSenten · 06/12/2021 16:05

Why not just move into one of the homes you already own?

I'm not sure I've ever read a thread where two homeowners are advised to find a third property to rent together while leaving their own homes empty so they can test out living together.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 06/12/2021 16:06

Move into one of your properties and then rent out the other. The rules are different if you are both homeowners. I’d let someone who really the rental have it.

Chikapu · 06/12/2021 16:13

The thing is, your experience isn't what most people would do. You both already own homes, move into one of those. What are you planning to do with them if you do find somewhere to rent.
I'm sorry but it all sounds ridiculous and like you don't really trust each other.

Original poster

mssalteena · 06/12/2021 16:17

@IncompleteSenten

Why not just move into one of the homes you already own?

I'm not sure I've ever read a thread where two homeowners are advised to find a third property to rent together while leaving their own homes empty so they can test out living together.

I've often seen it said 'rent your house out and then rent together'.

I have other family members living in my house so it's not unoccupied. If we can find somewhere to rent DP would either rent his place out or Air BnB it.

It's not to do with not trusting each other, I honestly don't believe you really know someone until you live together - I was in a previous relationship years ago where we never properly lived together before buying a house and it was one of the worst mistakes I've ever made, I spent a long time regretting it!

Unfortunately for reasons of space and location, neither of our own homes is somewhere we could trial it, plus we wouldn't be living together exactly, I'd be living in his place or vice versa. It wouldn't feel very equal.

OP posts:

gogohm · 06/12/2021 16:18

I have never heard of being turned down because you own a place - divorcing couples do this all the time, wasn't even raised when I did it 2 years ago

maxelly · 06/12/2021 16:19

@IncompleteSenten

Why not just move into one of the homes you already own?

I'm not sure I've ever read a thread where two homeowners are advised to find a third property to rent together while leaving their own homes empty so they can test out living together.

I think I have seen this advice but in what sound like different circumstances to the OP. E.g. where there are big financial inequalities in the relationship like only one person currently owning their own home, where there are children who shouldn't risk being disrupted or it involves a big cross-country relocation or something. I agree that where there are 2 financially independent adults each owning at least one property it seems a bit of a waste to rent just to 'try it out' if they ultimately don't plan to stay in rented. I do think it probably isn't sensible to go full hog and totally combine finances prior to cohabiting, but it's perfectly possible to maintain separate finances and assets while living in a house one of you owns (now DH and I did so without issue)...

Original poster

mssalteena · 06/12/2021 16:23

@gogohm

I have never heard of being turned down because you own a place - divorcing couples do this all the time, wasn't even raised when I did it 2 years ago

It seems bizarre to me, but that's what we've been given to understand.

On some of the applications we've not been asked to confirm the 'status' of our current address ie whether we're tenants or owners - for those ones we also got turned down because our salaries are too high and they thought we could afford to buy instead.

For balance, we've been advised for a couple of properties that the LL is favouring occupants with (young) children, which I do understand and no issue with. It's the apparent judgment from other LLs about how we don't need to rent I have an issue with.

OP posts:

maxelly · 06/12/2021 16:29

Ok now you've clarified your existing properties are not suitable I see why you want to rent first (although where are you living now, can your DP not move in with you there if he's the one relocating? Or are you both moving). It seems to me the real reason you're being turned down is not that you are a property owner per se, it's that you don't sound like long term tenants, presumably as you have access to the capital all being well you'd be looking at staying in the rental, what, 12 months max? Then buying somewhere together? I'm guessing the landlord is hoping for a family that will stay put for years? Or if you do want to stay long term, really sell that to the estate agent/landlord? Otherwise I guess maybe you'll need to pay over the odds for something more short term?

lanthanum · 06/12/2021 16:32

Landlords aren't interested in whether renting is a good idea for you or not. They're interested in whether they're going to get good tenants who are going to stay for a while so that they don't have to go through the whole palaver of finding new tenants again next year.

JuicySatsuma85 · 06/12/2021 16:33

With a housing crisis at the moment and families crying out for somewhere to live, I think it is ludicrous for two home owners to want to rent somewhere to play at being a proper couple in case it doesn’t work out. As a LL myself I wouldn’t waste my time taking on a tenant who just wants to test the waters in the relationship when I could get a family in who’ll stay in my property for possibly decades.

Original poster

mssalteena · 06/12/2021 16:40

We'll be renting for at least a couple of years, could be as long as 5, but 2 is the minimum, because even if everything works out well there's some other financial matters to resolve for each of us, meaning we won't be in a position to buy a permanent home until then.

Most of the properties we've viewed and applied for have had the current tenants in for 12-18 months at most. As far as I know you can't enter into a tenancy for longer than 12 months? And of course the LL can decide to sell at any time and just not renew the tenancy so it wouldn't matter in that situation how long the tenant wanted to stay.

OP posts:

LittleOwl153 · 06/12/2021 16:55

It will likely be because they think you are looking for a 6 month stop gap. It's expensive as a landlord to keep flipping tenants - so they are going to go with those who they think will stay put. You could offer a longer tenancy 2yrs perhaps? But that may defeat the object of trialling together?

Original poster

mssalteena · 06/12/2021 17:24

When asked we have said we're looking for a property for at least 2 years however that doesn't seem to carry any weight.

OP posts:

MurielSpriggs · 06/12/2021 17:32

@mssalteena

When asked we have said we're looking for a property for at least 2 years however that doesn't seem to carry any weight.

Then you need to approach landlords direct and offer to sign a two-year tenancy. Any sensible landlord will bite your arm off. It's no good making this offer through agents. They will not pass it on to the landlord. Agents hate long tenancy agreements (although such agreements are usually in the best interests of landlord and tenant.) Agents like everything to be on a six-month cycle so that they can charge fees at every renewal.

Peakypolly · 06/12/2021 17:37

I'm a landlord and would have no issue with your circumstances, in fact two of my properties are currently rented to couples who own property. Are you sure owned property is the issue?

Original poster

mssalteena · 06/12/2021 17:48

It's what we've been told when we've asked - as said, a couple have said they've favoured applicants with kids (fair enough), then for the rest it's been either the LL felt we should be buying, either because of our salaries, fact we already own or a combination of both.

That's what we've been told so I can only go by that. There's no other reason to think we'd be turned down, we have secure occupations, don't smoke, don't have pets, good credit history and so on.

OP posts:

hugr · 06/12/2021 17:52

for those ones we also got turned down because our salaries are too high and they thought we could afford to buy instead.

Landlords are not turning you down because you already own or can afford to buy. Someone is not telling the truth here.

MurielSpriggs · 06/12/2021 17:57

@mssalteena

That's what we've been told so I can only go by that. There's no other reason to think we'd be turned down, we have secure occupations, don't smoke, don't have pets, good credit history and so on.

it's been either the LL felt we should be buying, either because of our salaries, fact we already own or a combination of both.

This makes no sense whatsoever! What sort of interfering landlords are these who decide that it's high time you bought a house, young lady? The great advantage of tenants with a house already is that they're very easy to sue! Enforcing judgments against transient assetless tenants is a great hazard for landlords.

And as for your salary being too high, these landlords don't seem to have the mental capacity to be allowed outdoors alone, never mind to let out a house

IncompleteSenten · 06/12/2021 18:22

Who told you?
Landlords care that tenants will pay the rent. You have good salaries.

Whoever told you multiple landlords told you they wouldn't rent to you because you own homes/could buy together is talking shit.

Lots of people own a home but live in rented for a variety of reasons. - local school, job in another part of country, etc etc.
Landlords just don't go oh no, no no, I couldn't possibly rent to you because you can afford so much better than this 😂

AndSoFinally · 06/12/2021 18:30

It will be because they think you will choose to buy soon, and they'll have to pay to get new tenants again, as a PP said.

Try offering a 2 or 3 year lease directly to the landlord if that's what you're looking for

Original poster

mssalteena · 06/12/2021 18:43

All contact has been via letting agents, we've not had LL details to make direct contact for any of the properties - actually no, thinking about it one place the LL did show us round but it actually wasn't suitable for us (some quite significant issues which weren't apparent til we viewed) but all the others it's been the agents doing viewings and handling all applications.

It's been the agents who have given the reasons for LL rejecting our application (at the initial stage, before we even got to referencing or similar)

OP posts:

SarahAndQuack · 06/12/2021 18:48

I sort of get why LL might seem wary - you're just not typical tenants so they'll be wondering what the catch is.

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