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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell my friend to STFU complaining about the noises of parents/kids at nearby school whilst staying with me?

51 replies

Gonnagetgoing · 06/12/2021 15:53

For context - I live approx. 3-4 minutes walk away from a primary school which is quite large and busy. In my street and the 2-3 surrounding streets naturally parents park their cars and also walk whilst collecting children from school and of course some of the parents and children talk and laugh etc.

I've got a friend staying this week with me from out of town and occupying the box room, it's a pre-festive season visit and a chance for her to visit family nearby and do Christmas shopping in the West End and also to see me.

First complaint this morning to me "the parents and kids woke me up (at approx. 8-8.30am onwards am guessing?) going to and from the school walking from their cars" - she's staying in the small box room facing the street so would hear this. She was happy with that and refused the larger double bedroom and I don't even count the box room as a bedroom more of a spare. Just now - approx 3pm onwards she pipes up "I'm trying to WFH here and can't hear myself think with the parents/kids noise outside the window" - for context - we are in my back sort of dining room (which also faces the street) - she complained in my living room near the kitchen that the sunlight was too bright and she wanted to be near the front door so she heard doorbell go as she's having parcels delivered here (another Hmm as she didn't ask me beforehand about this just assumed I'd be ok with it, but what the hell?!). She has earphones in on and off - says to me "sometimes I like music on, sometimes I do Zoom calls with them in, sometimes I just like normal background noise!".

AIBU to tell her to stop moaning about something so petty which is transient noise and goes away and if she's that bothered there's a lovely Travelodge in the next town which is free?! I love the noise of the kids and even the parents parking which has got more busy over the few years I've been here doesn't bother me now as they're generally considerate.

OP posts:
HangOnToYourself · 06/12/2021 17:14

Can you have a chat with the school and ask them to close early for xmas hols?

Fomofo · 06/12/2021 17:30

She sounds proper annoying but it's a shame anyone's driving on your street if it has a school on it

Judith0000 · 06/12/2021 19:06

I live on a road that parents walk their children to school on, and barely notice them in the mornings, but when schools finished for the day and they're on their way home, it is loud!!

Parents hollering, children screaming! Every word is at max volume after school. I can hear parents and children word for word even when my windows are tight shut, so for someone who's not used to this, I can see it is annoying (and unnecessary imo) but like everyone has said, it's not for long.

Having said that, I also get annoyed when people scream outside my house when they're returning from a night out at the weekend. This can be anytime from 11pm to 4.30am, and again, is very loud.

IncompleteSenten · 06/12/2021 19:16

I could not be doing with that.
You really need to say look, if all you're going to do is moan, maybe you'd be happier going home.

Electriq · 06/12/2021 19:20

She's being 100% unreasonable, but I will just add that everyone's hearing is different, my hearing is ridiculous, I can hear cars coming from a long long way off, it freaks people out, I hear different frequencies to most people, maybe she hears it differently to you, but she should just put her music on at those times.

Christmasbirdchristmasherd · 06/12/2021 20:05

@HangOnToYourself

Can you have a chat with the school and ask them to close early for xmas hols?
Does anyone have a mop? I just wet myself at this comment!
GreenLunchBox · 06/12/2021 20:15

You really hate this friend don't you? Youve basically bitched about her job, marriage, relationship with her daughter, being in perimenopause etc etc etc. With friends like that who needs enemies? I initially voted YANBU but changed it because you're just slagging her off now and there's two sides to every story.

MyComputerGetsSadWithoutMe · 06/12/2021 20:50

Tbh if someone was staying at one and just moaning about everything I would be a bit bitchy too!

MyComputerGetsSadWithoutMe · 06/12/2021 20:51

At mine... not one Confused

Gonnagetgoing · 07/12/2021 09:43

@Fomofo

She sounds proper annoying but it's a shame anyone's driving on your street if it has a school on it
Some parents have to drive I suppose (a lot walk) and school isn't actually on the street. All streets near the school have parking but they installed a new zebra crossing last year which presumably makes it safer for kids to cross road.
OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 07/12/2021 09:48

@GreenLunchBox

You really hate this friend don't you? Youve basically bitched about her job, marriage, relationship with her daughter, being in perimenopause etc etc etc. With friends like that who needs enemies? I initially voted YANBU but changed it because you're just slagging her off now and there's two sides to every story.
@GreenLunchBox - I don't really hate this friend. We were very close at one point when she lived nearer. I was actually really looking forward to seeing her as we haven't had the chance much with lockdowns etc and she lives over 4 hours away now by car. She's told me all about her DH, her DD, perimenopause etc but she is sadly one of those who constantly moans about it all but seemingly does very little about it.

When someone comes to see you and it's a constant whinge (last time she stayed she didn't complain about school noise and I remembered she was here as it was just before Easter approx 2 years ago) as the school were holding a Spring/Easter Fair - so I'm wondering why complain now and why complain when it's all of 10 minutes or so?!

OP posts:
Gearedtoyou · 07/12/2021 09:50

Of course you tell her.

I can't imagine having anyone to stay in my house who I couldn't also tell "do you realise how annoying it is when you invite someone to stay and all they do is moan?"

Gonnagetgoing · 07/12/2021 10:01

Update from last night (when we went out) and this morning.

So we are in a local gastro pub. She's taken the day off work tomorrow to go Christmas Shopping. Me: "I do hope you enjoy your stay for a few days here, it is nice to see you, you know and spend some time with you". Her "It's nice to see you too Gonna". general chit chat ensues. Then about 20 minutes later she suddenly pipes up after we've been laughing and joking, "It's really nice to be here as I've found it hard to make friends since I moved to X area. I feel a bit alone not knowing many people to share things with, even just having a cuppa with them" Me: "oh sorry didn't know that" Her: "I was thinking and sorry if it seems like I'm moaning about things a lot, I am finding it tough with work and family and finding it hard to switch off and then the smallest thing can set me off" Me: "You mean like school noise when you're trying to WFH?" her: "yes". I then suggested yoga, mindfulness, maybe seeing her doctor re perimenopause or taking vitamins supplements for it (she does none of that).

She woke up this morning later and I did ask if she'd slept ok etc - she said fine and the noise hadn't woken her up at all - she slept like a log! I did suggest if external noise woke her up she could sleep in another room or buy some earplugs when she was out.

We had another drama last night - we got back from the pub and the cat was acting strangely (it had actually brought a field/wood mouse inside during the early evening yesterday) and I'd rescued it. She said "oh that's how my cat acts when it brings something into the house". So I fessed up about the mice and she was very nonchalant about it and said don't worry mice get in everywhere.

I think we cleared the air last night though so hopefully she won't need to go to the Travelodge!

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 07/12/2021 10:04

@Gearedtoyou

Of course you tell her.

I can't imagine having anyone to stay in my house who I couldn't also tell "do you realise how annoying it is when you invite someone to stay and all they do is moan?"

Exactly - but when I've tried to tell her briefly about it like "oh it's ok Sandra it'll quieten down in a sec" - she gives me a dirty look like "yeah right!"

Yesterday afternoon it was like swatting a fly with her moaning as she'd hear a child with it's mum chatting and laughing and then another one and every time it was one of them she'd moan separately that it was interrupting her concentration time!

OP posts:
twilightcafe · 07/12/2021 10:04

Tell her to book a hotel next time.

thelegohooverer · 07/12/2021 10:11

You know she will see this thread when the daily fail inevitably picks it up?

EdgeOfTheSky · 07/12/2021 10:15

I used to have someone stay over when she was working in London, but had to stop offering due to this sort of thing.

I realised she was doing it as a sort of litany or audit her own (considerable) anxieties and life struggles rather than meaning to criticise my house per se. But it was just too much.

She is around for a short while. Equip yourself with a few back pocket phrases. “Yes, the racket of ordinary life. That’s why I don’t offer the Premier Inn guarantee!”

“Must be hard being so sensitive”

“It’s hard getting used to new environments as we age! Remember when we used to crash out on sofas and floors and be perfectly happy?”

“Ah well, nothing I can do about that. Even if I wanted to”

Or just ignore.

EdgeOfTheSky · 07/12/2021 10:17

Exactly - but when I've tried to tell her briefly about it like "oh it's ok Sandra it'll quieten down in a sec" - she gives me a dirty look like "yeah right

Except that by saying that you are NOT being as direct as the PP suggested. You are re-assuring and appeasing. Not ‘exactly’ at all!

50ShadesOfCatholic · 07/12/2021 10:21

Honestly it just sounds as though you don't like her at all. If it wasn't the street noise it would be something else. Maybe you could just ask her to move on?

Gonnagetgoing · 07/12/2021 10:24

@thelegohooverer

You know she will see this thread when the daily fail inevitably picks it up?
Daily Fail can get to f*ck! Leave my thread alone!
OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 07/12/2021 10:25

@EdgeOfTheSky

Exactly - but when I've tried to tell her briefly about it like "oh it's ok Sandra it'll quieten down in a sec" - she gives me a dirty look like "yeah right

Except that by saying that you are NOT being as direct as the PP suggested. You are re-assuring and appeasing. Not ‘exactly’ at all!

Yeah but I feel bad by telling her to shut up and stop moaning. Especially now she's told me her life has been 'hard'.
OP posts:
Sloth66 · 07/12/2021 10:26

She sounds stressed and unhappy, but maybe needs to recognise you are doing her a good turn by having her to stay so regularly. Some people have a sense of entitlement.

Gonnagetgoing · 07/12/2021 10:26

@50ShadesOfCatholic

Honestly it just sounds as though you don't like her at all. If it wasn't the street noise it would be something else. Maybe you could just ask her to move on?
She's leaving on Saturday morning.

If she's complaining again (she's working tomorrow and then has Thursday and Friday, of which I have Thursday afternoon and Friday off work) about the noise I will tell her to quit moaning.

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 07/12/2021 10:35

It doesn't actually sound like you like her very much? Why did you agree she can stay?

She does sound rather ungrateful and her trying to WFH is a bit silly if she needs quiet but you live in a busy area. But I'm sympathetic about the school noise. If you're not used to it, it can be very disruptive especially if you're on work calls.

Gonnagetgoing · 07/12/2021 10:37

@EdgeOfTheSky

I used to have someone stay over when she was working in London, but had to stop offering due to this sort of thing.

I realised she was doing it as a sort of litany or audit her own (considerable) anxieties and life struggles rather than meaning to criticise my house per se. But it was just too much.

She is around for a short while. Equip yourself with a few back pocket phrases. “Yes, the racket of ordinary life. That’s why I don’t offer the Premier Inn guarantee!”

“Must be hard being so sensitive”

“It’s hard getting used to new environments as we age! Remember when we used to crash out on sofas and floors and be perfectly happy?”

“Ah well, nothing I can do about that. Even if I wanted to”

Or just ignore.

@EdgeOfTheSky - ah so you get me as you had similar.

Yeah, it just seems like a commentary and it's not even necessarily about this noise - it's like she thinks my house is this safe peace quiet calm haven and she seems to have conveniently forgotten about the school nearby! She's loving the fact she's so near to London, can see her old family and friends who live not too far from me.

I'm going to try a few of those phrases and grow a rhino skin and just ignore!

I don't really want to spit back at her to leave or to get out.

OP posts: