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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell my friend to STFU complaining about the noises of parents/kids at nearby school whilst staying with me?

51 replies

Gonnagetgoing · 06/12/2021 15:53

For context - I live approx. 3-4 minutes walk away from a primary school which is quite large and busy. In my street and the 2-3 surrounding streets naturally parents park their cars and also walk whilst collecting children from school and of course some of the parents and children talk and laugh etc.

I've got a friend staying this week with me from out of town and occupying the box room, it's a pre-festive season visit and a chance for her to visit family nearby and do Christmas shopping in the West End and also to see me.

First complaint this morning to me "the parents and kids woke me up (at approx. 8-8.30am onwards am guessing?) going to and from the school walking from their cars" - she's staying in the small box room facing the street so would hear this. She was happy with that and refused the larger double bedroom and I don't even count the box room as a bedroom more of a spare. Just now - approx 3pm onwards she pipes up "I'm trying to WFH here and can't hear myself think with the parents/kids noise outside the window" - for context - we are in my back sort of dining room (which also faces the street) - she complained in my living room near the kitchen that the sunlight was too bright and she wanted to be near the front door so she heard doorbell go as she's having parcels delivered here (another Hmm as she didn't ask me beforehand about this just assumed I'd be ok with it, but what the hell?!). She has earphones in on and off - says to me "sometimes I like music on, sometimes I do Zoom calls with them in, sometimes I just like normal background noise!".

AIBU to tell her to stop moaning about something so petty which is transient noise and goes away and if she's that bothered there's a lovely Travelodge in the next town which is free?! I love the noise of the kids and even the parents parking which has got more busy over the few years I've been here doesn't bother me now as they're generally considerate.

OP posts:
Chocolatewheatos · 06/12/2021 15:58

"Be sure to include it in your Airbnb review"
It'd do my head in. Like she's slagging your house off.

Gonnagetgoing · 06/12/2021 16:04

@Chocolatewheatos

"Be sure to include it in your Airbnb review" It'd do my head in. Like she's slagging your house off.
@Chocolatewheatos - I know right?! I don't have double glazing (Victorian cottage and don't want to ruin original windows yet) - she has stayed before but I think in school holidays - half term, summer etc - or if she did stay during school term (I don't have kids not that it makes any difference!) she didn't mention it!

your Airbnb comment - I am sooooo tempted to say that! We are planning on going out for dinner tonight (she arrived last night and too late to go out) and I feel on edge like she'll slag my house off now.

Also found a mouse in my bedroom on Saturday late afternoon so am sleeping in the big double spare (did offer it to her!) so am not mentioning that either - have set traps and put cat on watch duties! Grin

OP posts:
RedWingBoots · 06/12/2021 16:10

OP you have a cat.

If she sees a mouse just say the cat must have brought it in and lost it.

Redglitter · 06/12/2021 16:14

What exactly does she.expect you to do ffs.

I live near a primary school & the noise lasts about 10 minutes twice a day.

I love the idea of the Air BnB comment 😂

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 06/12/2021 16:17

How big is she? Are you able to carry her to her car and wish her a safe journey?

I had a ‘friend’ who would invite herself over and then slag off my house. She doesn’t come over any more.

Gonnagetgoing · 06/12/2021 16:22

@RedWingBoots

OP you have a cat.

If she sees a mouse just say the cat must have brought it in and lost it.

That is exactly what I'm doing!
OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 06/12/2021 16:23

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

How big is she? Are you able to carry her to her car and wish her a safe journey?

I had a ‘friend’ who would invite herself over and then slag off my house. She doesn’t come over any more.

She's 5 ft 7 and size 14 - so no can't carry her!

I'm thankful (hah!) that it's not just me who has a 'friend' like this! It'll be the last invite she gets unless she STFU but do I say something?!

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 06/12/2021 16:24

@Redglitter

What exactly does she.expect you to do ffs.

I live near a primary school & the noise lasts about 10 minutes twice a day.

I love the idea of the Air BnB comment 😂

Exactly! 10 minutes if that (sometimes you hardly hear them!).

Does she expect me to transport my house by magic by lifting it into the air and placing it into the nearest quiet field (there are none!)?!

The Air BnB comment will be making an appearance if I have one too many G&T's later or this week! Grin

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/12/2021 16:26

She's your friend, of course you can tell her to stop moaning.

You really don't need Mumsnet to tell you that.

Having said that, if she happens to be a MNetter herself, she'll recognise this thread anyway.

Sparklfairy · 06/12/2021 16:31

I live in the city centre and have to have the window open slightly as the ventilation is so poor. Its a small flat and the windows steam up.

Even guest I've had has moaned about the noise. They think its great liv8ng here in theory as everything is all my doorstep, but oh god the bloody moaning about the traffic, people talking, street sweepers at 6am, bottle recycling collected from the pub round the corner. The bitching always catches me off guard as I'm so used to it, but its all day long. What do you want me to do, chase that backfiring car down the street?

I just think if you're staying as a convenience to you (not driving home after a night out etc), just accept its a downside of living in the city centre. You're a guest mate, not a prisoner. You know where the door is!

Chasingaftermidnight · 06/12/2021 16:32

My MIL does this. Just complains about every. little. thing. It’s exhausting.

I also live near a primary school and like you and a PP say it’s 10 minutes of noise twice a day. Plus it’s nice noise, I like hearing kids laughing!

Gonnagetgoing · 06/12/2021 16:32

@WorraLiberty

She's your friend, of course you can tell her to stop moaning.

You really don't need Mumsnet to tell you that.

Having said that, if she happens to be a MNetter herself, she'll recognise this thread anyway.

@WorraLiberty - I did actually mention (not put this here) - "Tara (not her real name) - the noise in mornings and afternoons isn't that loud and you can barely hear it"

I think I told her this twice and she gave me a dirty look as if to say I was lying! She also has, so she says, a high powered job (marketing/PR executive). I'm also thinking - she's complained so far about the sunlight, the cold (she's got a spare fan heater near her and central heating on) - so I'm wondering what else will she moan about! She is a friend but not really a close friend anymore as we lost touch a few years back.

She doesn't use MN - but knows I do (my laptop is turned away from her) - and thinks forums like this are a 'waste of time' - doesn't stop her spending hours on DFail comments sections and FB.

OP posts:
ChikiTIKI · 06/12/2021 16:33

If she can't bear to give up the comforts of home... She should stay there?

Gonnagetgoing · 06/12/2021 16:37

@Sparklfairy

I live in the city centre and have to have the window open slightly as the ventilation is so poor. Its a small flat and the windows steam up.

Even guest I've had has moaned about the noise. They think its great liv8ng here in theory as everything is all my doorstep, but oh god the bloody moaning about the traffic, people talking, street sweepers at 6am, bottle recycling collected from the pub round the corner. The bitching always catches me off guard as I'm so used to it, but its all day long. What do you want me to do, chase that backfiring car down the street?

I just think if you're staying as a convenience to you (not driving home after a night out etc), just accept its a downside of living in the city centre. You're a guest mate, not a prisoner. You know where the door is!

@Sparklfairy - see she lives in a very quiet residential street - nothing ever happens - but not too far from a train station.

Her bedroom in her house also faces away from the road/street with traffic. She has a DH who's lovely but likes to 'keep the peace' so I think he puts up with her moaning. And she has an early 20's DD but she rarely visits her DM and I'm beginning to see why!

I invited her to stay, but she was one of those people who angle for a visit (as I live approx 1 hour fairly easy travel to central London and nearish a tube). She brought me a bunch of petrol station flowers too (they had a sticker on saying Shell I think but no price) and some wine I swear she grabbed out of the petrol station!

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 06/12/2021 16:39

@ChikiTIKI

If she can't bear to give up the comforts of home... She should stay there?
I think she's sadly one of those women (and she admits she has got worse since peri menopause/menopause).

I'm beginning to wonder if she's always complained but I just never noticed it.

See me, if I go to somewhere noisy I bring for night-time, ear plugs, eye mask for light if too bright and lavender oil to relax! She doesn't!

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 06/12/2021 16:41

She sounds like a diva Grin who stays anywhere and expects it to be exactly like home? Exact same noise levels and temperature... and sunlight?! Id be climbing the walls with her nonsense.

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2021 16:45

She brought me a bunch of petrol station flowers too (they had a sticker on saying Shell I think but no price) and some wine I swear she grabbed out of the petrol station!

You're sounding a tiny bit nasty now, what with that ^^ and your dig about her high powered job - "So she says" and the Daily Mail etc (which is one of the most popular news sites on MN anyway.)

It sounds like you rub each other up the wrong way so best not let her stay again.

RoastPotatoQueen · 06/12/2021 16:50

Time for her to go before you loose your sanity. Grin

Polmuggle · 06/12/2021 16:51

I live within shouting distance of a primary school in london with single glazing and the noise is HORRIFIC while wfh! But that's the screaming on the playground - the parents and cars are no issue!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/12/2021 16:52

Criticising someone else’s house is such a power play - and incredibly annoying!

There are members of my family who feel they have to do this too

pigsDOfly · 06/12/2021 16:58

Bloody hell, she sounds difficult.

She's a guest in your house, she should be a bit more gracious.

Put the mouse in her bed; that'll get rid of her.

whynotwhatknot · 06/12/2021 16:58

What does she want you to do magic your house somewhere else

how odd-dont invite her again she clearly doesnt appreciate it

QuinceTamarillo · 06/12/2021 17:01

I lived (briefly) in a flat next door to a primary school, and was WFH at the time (pre-pandemic). I definitely did notice the noise at certain times of day. However, it was very predictable and I learned to work around it. Drop-off and pickup were manageable, but it could get really loud during morning and afternoon breaks! So I wouldn't say it's trivial and wouldn't be surprised by a visitor mentioning it (she may have assumed it must also bother you). But if she's going on and on after you've said 'yes, there's a school and it gets noisy at these specific times' I'd be firmer reminding her that there's nothing you can do about it and maybe she can take breaks or use noise-cancelling headphones at the predictable noisy times. Make it clear nothing is gained by her continuing to bring it up.

I'd never assume I could WFH comfortably from someone else's house, unless maybe they invited me knowing my obligations and saying "you can work here" - but even then I'd be cautious and would not expect it to be like home. I'm not sure about the parcel delivery issue - it would be nice to mention she had a few deliveries coming, but it wouldn't bother me if a guest had things delivered as she didn't expect me to look out for the delivery/sign for it.

Overall, it really sounds like you dislike this person and would find fault with whatever she does, so I would not invite her again no matter how much she angles.

LonginesPrime · 06/12/2021 17:03

It sounds like at least part of the problem is that she's using your house as her office to WFH - was that arranged in advance?

It can be really stressful trying to work remotely in places where you have very little control over the environment in terms of noise/disturbances. However, anyone who works remotely regularly knows this and tends to plan accordingly (like finding a cafe/library/hotel bar/co-working space, etc in the area to go and use).

It sounds rather out of order to come into your home and complain that it's too noisy as she's trying to work!

RightOnTheEdge · 06/12/2021 17:10

pigsDOfly
Put the mouse in her bed; that'll get rid of her.
Grin Grin