To ask for your autocorrect fails

[LadyCampanulaTottington]

My stupid phone keeps autocorrecting in to on. We’re on town. I am on the shower. Are you on work. Grrrr. Every time, even if it makes zero sense in the sentence.

Tea becomes yea (WHY APPLE, WHY) and it doesn’t seem to know the word women’s. It comes up with a red line 🧐 It becomes if but randomly.

Please tell me I am not the only soul tormented by stupid autocorrect? For reference I’m on an iPhone 11 Pro Max.

Years ago when I was working in retail whilst I was at uni, my boyfriend was meeting me after - he text to say he was outside and I replied 'two secs, just downstairs getting banged'... had tried to say 'just downstairs getting changed'

I told my boss I was too busty to do something he needed me to do

Not anywhere near as funny as some of these 😅 but my boyfriend when I was 16ish text me telling me he would meet me after he wanked his dog 😅 I told him to wash his hands.
And my biological dad didn't ever really show up and he let me down again and I text my boyfriend at the time and he replied 'yeh I'm sorry, he's a big aunt' 😅 not hugely funny but it cheered me up when I was feeling a bit rubbish!

@CaputApriDefero

Oh. My worst one ever. My friend sent me a selfie from a night out. She clearly was happy with the way she looked and so I replied "look at you, looking like such a cutie!"

Except cutie autocorrected to cunt.

I am crying at this!!!HA!

My old Windows phone used to have some foibles. Every time I typed the obviously highly rare word 'tonight', it changed it to 'Toni and Guy'. Can you sponsor autocorrect?!

Even weirder when it's determined to finish a partially-typed word to make something that isn't a word at all. Why indeed, when you've typed 'tha' would you be intending to finish the word as 'that' rather than 'thag', eh? It was so stupid that it couldn't even predict how you might want to finish a word beginning 'didn'' (including the apostrophe).

Also, the suggested likely next word after you type one - such as 'thanks' after you type 'many' - every time I typed the word 'functioning', the three suggested next words were 'as', 'normally' and.... 'vagina' ?!?!?!?!?!?!

I once had to write to the manger of our local
Super Bowl and it was auto corrected to Super Bowel.

I had my very own autocorrect fail right here on Mumsnet some months ago... I was asking for tips on basted monkfish but every time I typed basted it turned into BASTARD without me noticing of course until after it was posted! I don't know how to do links but the thread title came out as 'Do you bastard monkfish a lot when pan fried'!

One Christmas my DM couldn't spend it with us, and text me to ask if DS liked his presents she had sent over. However it was corrected to "Does DS like his parents?"

My cleaner messaged to ask how to use the robot hoover, I meant to reply “can you show me” so I could see the controls and help her, my phone corrected to “can you shower me?” This was her second visit.

Once sent an email for something official and meant to sign off as Kind Regards. Somehow autocorrect failed to help me and allowed me to send the mistyped word ‘retards’ instead.

I had to quickly follow it up once I realise with a very grovelling apologise. I was
So embarrassed.

I texted our vendors to ask what time we should pick up the keys, except what I almost sent was “What time should we pick up the Jews?”

Another fail was texting a friend who had just had a baby and sent a picture. Me replying with “so want to punch your baby”.
I had written pinch, but of course my phone knows better..

Once my auto correct told a woman she would be receiving a spanking from me!! Thank god I proof read it before sending it...

Auto correct changes the word deaf to dead.

I am a teacher of the deaf so that raises a few laughs when I don't check for typos in texts to parents!

My phone decided to call my family member heavier instead of Heather..

I just got told off by my husband who is “trying to sleep” because I’m actually crying at some of these 😂😂😂😂

You called?

My favourite ( well, infamous) was to a what’s app group of sweet old ladies. I was telling them about my recent garden exploits, and announced that my panties were blooming!

I was just having a flashback to a ‘parent autocorrect fails’ or something similar Internet rabbit hole I went down into and my favourite (paraphrasing as I can’t fully remember) but something like…..

Dad (to son) you will have to get your own dinner tonight I’m licking your mother out
Son: what?
Dad: Oh god licking I’m licking your mother out
Son: seriously dad
Dad: fuck taking taking your mother out

Sorry, what, you text while you are in the shower?

My touchscreen goes daft with a single drop of rain!

My worst autocorrect was when I asked someone if they wanted their eyebrows ruined. I don't know how it got there from 'tinted'...

And annoying it always wants to type 'address' instead of 'are'

I once suggested there was a need to raise pubic awareness

@ultrablue out of interest what was spanking meant to be?

I was typing a letter to Mr. White - sadly it wasn't autocorrect but my own fingers - they typed Mr. Shite. Always have to be careful with that surname since.

@CityCommuter I remember the bastard monkfish thread, so funny

Always changes 'about' to 'Scott' I literally don't know anyone called Scott 😐

I sent a message to a parent yesterday saying sorry for any incontinence caused! Luckily they are really lovely and understanding.