To ask for your autocorrect fails

[LadyCampanulaTottington]

My stupid phone keeps autocorrecting in to on. We’re on town. I am on the shower. Are you on work. Grrrr. Every time, even if it makes zero sense in the sentence.

Tea becomes yea (WHY APPLE, WHY) and it doesn’t seem to know the word women’s. It comes up with a red line 🧐 It becomes if but randomly.

Please tell me I am not the only soul tormented by stupid autocorrect? For reference I’m on an iPhone 11 Pro Max.

text mate saying i would rim him later instead of ring .

He replied only fair to warn you last night was curry night .

Mine changes my husband's name to Jim.....every single time. I don't even know anyone called Jim!

Told a work colleague I would BBM her ( in the days of BlackBerry) when I arrived. It very unhelpfully changed it to bum. So I told a new colleague I'd bum her when I arrived at work.

I once typed 'yes I'm staying at the pub and will drive home. There's unlimited cock" instead of unlimited coke

Had an email from my son’s teacher which started

dead parent,

Please make sure ….

Yesterday I was in Tesco and texting my husband saying long queue but my phone changed it to long Steve. My husband asked who’s Steve?!! And why is he long?!

Whenever I typed Halfords my phone would correct it to "Baldies". The words aren't even similar!

My children are now known as Podcast and Strawberries as that is what their names autocorrect to.

Worst of all my husband sent an apology email starting "I'm sorry" and must have hit a wrong key because it autocorrected to "I'm dirty".

I arranged to take my friends two little boys to the local petting farm place and reminded her to pack their wellies.... which autocorrectsd but I didn't realise!

We have had a new update on our work laptops and the outlook email starts suggesting what you are going to type out..... my CEO, Dear Liz, got changed to Dear Lizard the other day. :(

After preparing for a camping trip to Scotland, Google thought I was searching how to kill midgets. I swear I typed "midges"!

@honeylulu

Whenever I typed Halfords my phone would correct it to "Baldies". The words aren't even similar!

My children are now known as Podcast and Strawberries as that is what their names autocorrect to.

Worst of all my husband sent an apology email starting "I'm sorry" and must have hit a wrong key because it autocorrected to "I'm dirty".

Reading this out loud to family. Dd says, “oh like the islands ! “ She thought the Maldives were actually called the Baldies.

I sent a message to my sister to say id seen her mate in Crouch End. She got a message saying I'd seen her mate in Crotch End. It's beknown as Crotch End in our house since.

My messages to Salma always end up saying Salam, which amuses her.

@AtTheWinchester

I once typed 'yes I'm staying at the pub and will drive home. There's unlimited cock" instead of unlimited coke

🤣🤣🤣

@Jacaranda75

When autocorrect on typewriters was new, I sent a letter to the Chief Rabbi which said, “I am writing to you about your penis.” It should have been ‘pension’. I only spotted it when I was filing the photocopy. Oh the shame.

Ha! Laughing so much, I'm in pain!

I once sent dsis a message saying ‘il be the Mary Whitehouse of our time’ joking about something being a bit inappropriate on daytime tv, except my phone changed it to ‘il be the merry whorehouse of our time’…

I messaged about a party, saying there would be “faeces painting for the kids!”

In college I was chatting to my English teacher on text about an assignment. He asked if he could pick me up anything from the canteen on his way over to the classroom where our tutorial was going to take place.

I replied: sure I like cock.

I meant coke!

I died a little inside and have never lived it down. He still winks at me when I see him and it was 20 years ago.

Oh. My worst one ever. My friend sent me a selfie from a night out. She clearly was happy with the way she looked and so I replied "look at you, looking like such a cutie!"

Except cutie autocorrected to cunt.

I once text my mate to say "the Polo is still outside your house" after a night out.

I missed the 'L' in Polo. 😳

I emailed a colleague some info and also told him Davina called earlier, I was just about to send when I noticed Davina had been changed to vagina

I sent a message to my sister to say id seen her mate in Crouch End. She got a message saying I'd seen her mate in Crotch End. It's beknown as Crotch End in our house since.

There really is a street in Oxford called Crotch Crescent!

Once text my ex from my pocket without realising. Just one word.

Lopsided.

I once sent dsis a message saying ‘il be the Mary Whitehouse of our time’ joking about something being a bit inappropriate on daytime tv, except my phone changed it to ‘il be the merry whorehouse of our time’… blush

That whirring sound you just heard was Mrs. Whitehouse revolving in her grave at practically the speed of light!

I once typed something about Virginia Bottomley (who was a Health Secretary in the 90s), and it got 'corrected' to Virginia Botulism!

Dictate feature recently changed 'L would benefit from working on her pronunciation...' to 'L would benefit from working on her pornification'.