Worst dinner conversation

[Greydove28]

Was out for Christmas dinner Friday when one of the guests started an in-depth conversation about their daughter having the shits for a month while we were all eating.

What's the worst dinner conversation you have been party to?

@Stuckhere2021

DH's best friend is a total knob when drunk but thinks he's funny. Incident 1 - invited him round for dinner when my old Uni friends were visiting. One is a champion hockey player and he asked her "so what are you then, dog or dyke". Incident 2 - went to another friend's wedding and we were sat at a table with friends of the bride who we had never met before. His opening gambit to one of them, an extremely attractive woman that I think he was trying to hit on was "have you ever been admitted to A&E with a vibrator stuck up your arse?". I now refuse to go anywhere with him and DH has to see him alone.

Gosh he sounds like dh ex best friend. First time I ever met him he asked me if I liked anal sex!!!...think he was trying to shock me. I replied "yeah love it...just hate getting shit on my knob"...he choked on his Pint

Haha! @blissfulllife I’ll remember that one.

I once read some nineteenth century etiquette advice. A man should hold a dinner for all his male friends before getting married. The friends should consider it their goodbye (I think ‘congé’ was the word) unless actually invited to the marital home, as they might not be suitable or to his wife’s tastes. It sounds more and more like a good idea.

@ApocalypseNowt

Dinner party with a bunch of posh lawyers (I am neither) where they were discussing a court case involving a man having sex with a duck. Went on for ages.

They asked what my thoughts were on the matter and I said "I just feel sorry for the duck" which was apparently hilarious...

There's a joke about the legal bill there somewhere ...

I used to call chicken “dead hen” even while we were eating it.

That's very rude.
My least favourite dinner conversations are the ones with an ex-friend where she would go to great pains to explain what among the offerings she didn't like (most of them, generally) and make yuck noises/pull faces if asked to pass a bowl of something she objected to.

Yes, ex-friend. Not because of that, but it was a blessed relief as a fringe benefit.

I'm 60 and "illegitimate" as we used to call it then, my mum wasn't married when she had me. It was not discussed AT ALL in my family or with family friends as they were all very stiff upper lip types who never mention the war or anything else that's unpleasant or anti-social.
I remember a big "do" when i was a teenager which I attended with my mother and stepfather (who married my mum when I was two).
My stepfather is not white so it's obvious I'm not his child as I'm white blond with blue eyes.
When we were introduced to the host he guffawed loudly at the three of us and said who's her daddy then? I was furious and told him to go and fuck himself and his stupid comments, The end result being we all went home and I was told off for being so rude. It was worth it. He was being an absolute c**t.

I have a friend, and I do mean a friend because as well as what I'm about to say he's also generous and thoughtful, and I feel that a lot of his bad behaviour comes from painful insecurity and social anxiety, but having a meal with him is unbelievably tedious. He monopolises all conversation to fill it with boring anecdotes about himself, his family, his school... All things that no one else can contribute to. We try to engineer it so that we see him for literally anything but meals.

But far, far worse than him is my mil's partner. He's similar to my friend except without the good traits and as far as I can tell he's not socially anxious, just an arrogant, self-absorbed prick. His anecdotes are all about himself and are all either boasts or bizarre "lectures" about something niche and not interesting, just to show off how much more learned he is

I have no patience for him at all and do my level best to change the topic every time, but with DH disengaged and mil hanging adoringly off his every word (retch) I just end up looking rude.

I know someone who will go on and on and about something. She's usually getting bent out of shape about something ridiculous and tedious such as a neighbour trying to sell their home for far so much money so it'll never sell etc etc.

She completely dominates the conversation. Someone else once tried to change the topic and she actually banged the table and snapped "Excuse me I AM TALKING HERE."

I was casually dating a posh guy at University. In the holidays, I went to stay with him/his parents for a weekend. They threw a dinner party for their friends and neighbours. I got very very drunk.

I fell asleep face-first into a sticky toffee pudding while his dad was talking to me about his job as a lawyer.

So my ex cleaned me up and put me to bed. I wet myself in bed.

Later, about a second after he'd gotten into bed I vomited copious amounts of the evening's meal everywhere.

The next morning (still quite drunk) I gathered up whatever stuff I could easily find in the vomit/piss room, wrote 'sorry' in red lipstick on their hallway mirror, let myself out and got the train back to my mom's. I blocked ex's number and avoided him like the plague for the rest of the year (which was only a few months and mostly exams thankfully).

Back in the late 80's, I worked for Nat West. I got sent on a residential training course. Back then Nat West owned a huge stately home where all of their courses were run. No expense spared. On the last night, a very formal dinner was held, with about 100 people, and we had a guest speaker who was very, very senior in the Bank. One of the students, a guy about 20 years old had snuck in a case of beer, hid it under the table, and had been getting stuck into it, getting more and more drunk. When the guest speaker took to the stage, this guy stood up, beer in hand and said something along the lines of "Oh fucking shut up you boring old fart, you must know that everyone here just wants to get shitfaced and get to the disco part" The intake of breath was shocking.

This must've happened about 25 years ago. It was Christmas and MiL invited us for dinner. The starters were served and MiL disappeared only to come into the room a while later loudly declaring that she'd been 'terribly sick'. She then sat down at the table glowering at us all. MiL does not have a healthy relationship with food and couldn't stand the thought of a big dinner.

That was the last time we went to hers for Christmas dinner but she is coming to us this year (staying for 10 days, let's not go there) and is obsessed with her bowels and bladder. I can guarantee she will mention that over dinner...

Staying with Arab / Swahili friends in Mombassa...no subject over dinner was taboo....one guest...female..proceeded to moan about her sex life...different positions etc...and then some one else chipped in about her husband being found at back of the mosque with a teenage lad doing blow jobs on each other and the shame it has brought on the family etc....i just ate and smiled...!!

Wife of my DHs brand new line manager. Invited us to dinner which I thougth was very nice. A topic of coversatio that went on for a agrea deal longer than I liked was how her cats liked to suck her nipples.

DH and I invited to dinner a very very senior corporate client's place. His (lovely) wife had gone to huge trouble to accommodate us (we were vegan at the time) and had invited their neighbours as well. Nightmare. One neighbour began by insisting that he and his DW should be able to drive and park their big cars in the city centre (we live in a small, European world heritage city with lots of canals) because they always had, and pollution wasn't their problem.

Second topic of conversation was the problem of the Jews......... Hosts mortified, we left as soon as we could. Afterwards we bitterly regretted not going full battle mode with the neighbour.

Another small boy willy one: look everyone it's like a tree .......

Ewww why do people do that?

Dinner party, one couples marriage in a bad way and were shortly to split and divorce. It was all “why you eating like that” “wtf is wrong with you” “haven’t you had enough” “what a stupid thing to say” “why don’t you just fuck off” “do you always have to be a wanker” just constantly throughout the meal. Accompanied by lots of head shaking, furious looks, and gulping down wine. Whilst thr rest of us kept trying to change the subject, laugh it off, or ignore it.

Absolutely excruciating.