Worst dinner conversation

[Greydove28]

Was out for Christmas dinner Friday when one of the guests started an in-depth conversation about their daughter having the shits for a month while we were all eating.

What's the worst dinner conversation you have been party to?

@SawdustandHay

The repeated conversation with grandparents about the relative merits of pig, sheep, chicken and police manure. No I’m joking that was quite interesting. The worst ones are so boring I can’t remember them.

This is so funny

Thanks, I’m glad people were amused. I did enjoy dropping the term ‘police manure’ into the conversation with no explanation.

That’s disgusting @Hummingbirdcake. I hope you are fully recovered.

I was at a dinner dance and a farmer sat opposite went into great gory detail about lambing and how he has to deal with one that was stuck!
It was horrific!

The one that sticks in mind was when I was all of 21 and invited to a posh dinner at my then-boyfriend's boss's house. I had been brought up that it was polite to bring wine and to compliment the food. I did this, and there was a deadly silence while the 50-something boss and his wife gave each other eloquent looks, then pointedly changed the subject. No one spoke to us for most of the meal, and then the wife waited until the conversation died down and instructed me that it was very, very rude ever to comment on your hosts' food. I am now aware that this is true in certain circles (I believe the idea is that, back in the Victorian period, your hostess wasn't the cook and therefore had nothing to do with how good the food was). But I think it was such a snobby and nasty thing to do!

The other one, which was bad for someone else but hilarious for me, was with my dad and my uncle's new wife. She is a very forthright person, very gossipy, loves all the nitty-gritty of what makes people tick. My dad is incredibly repressed and the sort of person who thinks homosexuality falls under the category of 'things not to discuss in polite society'. I'd recently started a relationship with a woman, and while I was in the kitchen dishing up, my new aunt decided it'd be interesting to ask him if he'd had any idea I might be gay, whether I was gay or bisexual, what views he had on IVF, were we likely to try for a child with donor sperm, etc. etc. He got more and more awkward and practically vanished under the table trying to avoid saying anything, and muttered something about thinking I was probably bisexual 'or a bit confused'.

I came in just as she realised he was finding it excruciating and I had no idea what'd happened until DP filled me in on it later!

@IrishCharm

I was at a dinner dance and a farmer sat opposite went into great gory detail about lambing and how he has to deal with one that was stuck! It was horrific!

Sounds fascinating..I'm not joking

One dinner my DM was hosting the mother of my brother's girlfriend as well as family members.
My DF said the lemon sorbet was a little sharp and he was going off to get any desert in the freezer.
He asked if anyone else would like some and girl friends mother said yes.

All hell broke out, my mother started screaming about how rude the other mother was. The other mother went into shock and ran away.
My mum and brother spent the night shouting at each other.
Everyone else including my DF crept into me and DP's bedroom and sat in the dark.

My in-laws are lovely people but they are definite over sharers.

The first time I went to stay with my then boyfriend I had an upset tummy (nothing contagious, just too much cheap vodka the night before!). DH went to borrow some Imodium from his mum who apparently always has some in.

That should have been the end of the story. Except his grandad, aunt, and uncle came for tea. Halfway through the meal his sweet old grandad asked me very loudly if I was still having loose bowel movements. Everyone chimed in asking questions about frequency and armchair diagnosing me with a list of ailments and comparing stories of their own poo incidents.

I was 19 and mortified.

God that’s incredibly snobby and nasty @SarahAndQuack.
I’m trying to remember if anyone actually compliments Aunt Dahlia on Anatole’s cooking, maybe not, they’re all too busy stuffing themselves and drooling. Time for me to rewatch Jeeves and Wooster.
I wonder if it is seen as placing yourself on an even footing with your superior to compliment them. Anyway, horrible people.

Your aunt sounds like a much better dinner companion.

@SawdustandHay

God that’s incredibly snobby and nasty *@SarahAndQuack*. I’m trying to remember if anyone actually compliments Aunt Dahlia on Anatole’s cooking, maybe not, they’re all too busy stuffing themselves and drooling. Time for me to rewatch Jeeves and Wooster. I wonder if it is seen as placing yourself on an even footing with your superior to compliment them. Anyway, horrible people.

Your aunt sounds like a much better dinner companion.

Isn't it just?! I think even at 21 I was dimly aware it said rather more about them than me.

And YY, my aunt is fabulous.

Not so much a conversation but an excruciating dinner moment: I dated a boy when I was about 19 (first proper boyfriend) who had the most appalling cooking skills. It wasn't just that he couldn't cook but he seemed to have no sense whatsoever about what flavours went with what and what was appropriate.

He made a big song and dance about wanting to cook dinner for my parents. I was dubious about this from the offset because my mum was a fantastic cook (and a bit of a food snob) so I knew the bar would be very high.

After much faffing around with recipe books etc he finally decided to go off piste and cooked shell pasta with an apple and orange sauce. With lashings of sugar and cornflour. It was literally inedible, like congealed treacle. The most disgusting meal I have ever eaten. No one could force down more than a few bites.

He then proceeded to try to wing it by giving it a fake French name etc and claimed he'd first eaten it in Paris and eventually my dad burst out laughing and had to leave the room, unable to contain his mirth. My boyfriend was crushed. We split up not long after that. The whole thing still gives me the heeby jeebies on his behalf 30 years on.

Ewww, that sounds disgusting!

You okay there @ChequerBoard?

@Sparklfairy

You okay there *@ChequerBoard*?

No idea where that came from! Don't even recall clicking on the thread! Have reported it myself for deletion...

@ChequerBoard I thought you must have fallen asleep on your keyboard!

@ChequerBoard

Le zswwzszwzwzwzzzwzzwzwzwzwzwzzzwzwwzzwzzzwzw wqzq I mmmm

Because it starts with “le” I thought you were suggesting a French name for the Apple and orange pasta mess 😂

I was invited by my new flatmate (sometime in my 20s) to a dinner party at her friend’s house and I didn’t know anyone apart from her. I was sitting at the table and this woman I hadn’t met before sat down next to me and gave me this really warm smile and I thought she seems friendly. Anyway we start chatting and she starts asking me if I’ve been to specific night clubs in the city we were in. I hadn’t and so asked her back if she’d recommend them. She then said she hadn’t been to them and that they were good places for lesbians. I said something like “oh so you’re a lesbian”. To which she confusingly replied that she wasn’t. After a confusing pause I realised she thought I was a lesbian. I then look to my flat mate who was smirking.
She’d told them I was a lesbian “for a laugh”. It was so awkward to tell the woman I wasn’t. She was obviously much more mature than flatmate and just found it odd. We didn’t chat much after that.

Many years ago I briefly lived with a (now ex) boyfriend and was invited to have Sunday lunch with his parents. Despite having a dining room with table and chairs etc we all ate on our knees in the living room so ex and his dad could watch football on TV (didn't seem to be a match- I assume highlights) and any discussion that was not about football was shut down with a glare and a shhhhh. When the football finished, I was told that we would have dessert and his mum and I would be 'allowed' to talk about other things if we wanted. His mum then spent about an hour telling me about each of his previous girlfriends (where he met them, what they looked like, how long they went out etc) and how lucky I was that someone like him who had so many women after him had chosen to be with me. She also asked me some really personal questions and gave me suggestions of how I might keep her son's interest. Ex just grinned at her adoringly like a little boy who had been told he was good. You could be forgiven for assuming that ex was some sort of adonis with women queuing up to date him. In actual fact he was short, fat, prematurely balding, boring and misogynistic. I still don't really understand why I ever went out with him

The one that sticks in mind was when I was all of 21 and invited to a posh dinner at my then-boyfriend's boss's house. I had been brought up that it was polite to bring wine and to compliment the food. I did this, and there was a deadly silence while the 50-something boss and his wife gave each other eloquent looks, then pointedly changed the subject. No one spoke to us for most of the meal, and then the wife waited until the conversation died down and instructed me that it was very, very rude ever to comment on your hosts' food.

@SarahAndQuack wow! I’ve never heard that about complimenting the food before, that’s bonkers!

It’s only through Mumsnet that I’ve heard that in some circles it’s considered rude to bring wine to a dinner. Something about how the host will have chosen wine especially for the food and now you’ve put them in an awkward position where they feel obliged to serve your wine instead? Of course I take no notice and would always bring wine anyway (or did, back when I still drank wine - I’m more likely to bring chocolates or something now that I’m sober) because nobody I go to dinner with is weird about things like that.

Something I always feel very strongly in these situations though, is that however ‘rude’ a behaviour like that supposedly is or isn’t according to the rules of etiquette, it is the absolutely pinnacle of rudeness to point it out or correct someone (especially a guest!) A truly good and well-mannered host would surely breeze past your supposed infractions of etiquette and would never make a big deal out of it or embarrass you.

I used to know a girl at university who would go on and on about manners and good upbringing and speaking properly, all that stuff. She had a very irritating habit of correcting people’s grammar in everyday speech and being insufferably smug about it: ‘you mean my friend and I’, ‘it’s if I were not, if I was’. One day it pissed me off so much that I said something like ‘you know, I think someone who cares so much about good manners and politeness would know it’s extremely rude to correct people like that’. She turned red and never did it to me again!

My gran has a wonderful ability to somehow turn mealtime conversation into a discussion about the various ailments of her cat - including waxy ears and pussy (not the cat variety!) eyes.

It's.. nice.

I was fifteen and invited to stay for dinner at the house of a schoolfriend much posher than me. They had napkins. They had a jug of water on the table and everyone had a glass. They had a peppermill. I was impressed.

For dessert - ‘dessert’, mark you, not ‘pudding’ - I was presented with an individual strawberry tart, and a tiny jug of cream. I mean - how fucking stylish is that? At home, we just sloshed it straight out of the carton.

So I poured the little jug of cream in artistic swirls on my tart. It was aesthetically stunning, if I say so myself.

There was a sort of pause. And then the father said, “Er…the cream was for everyone, you know.”

I once heard about a dinner party, legendary at my work, where a senior person walked into the dining room where a load of other senior people were already seated with their wives. For some inexplicable reason (I suspect drink had been taken) he took a look around the table, turned to his wife and announced 'how funny, I think X is the only one here who hasn't cheated on their wife!'

Obviously the shit hit the fan and I know of at least one divorce resulting from it.

Mil is a lovely person but doesn't really have a social filter. A couple years ago, we were at mils for DH's birthday. In attendance was mil, mil's partner, Fil, fil's partner, DH's godmother, bil and bill's partner, myself.

Mil was telling a story when DH was a teenager, and out of context just said "yeah because I was going down to the basement and I thought I could smell dead mouse but it was just dh's socks".
DH looked mortified and shot me a horrified look. Everyone else politely ignored it but I had to suppress my snigger because it was all I could do from burst out laughing. I still laugh about it to this day.

DH's best friend is a total knob when drunk but thinks he's funny.
Incident 1 - invited him round for dinner when my old Uni friends were visiting. One is a champion hockey player and he asked her "so what are you then, dog or dyke".
Incident 2 - went to another friend's wedding and we were sat at a table with friends of the bride who we had never met before. His opening gambit to one of them, an extremely attractive woman that I think he was trying to hit on was "have you ever been admitted to A&E with a vibrator stuck up your arse?".
I now refuse to go anywhere with him and DH has to see him alone.