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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so fed up of people?

43 replies

AnAverageMum · 05/12/2021 18:18

I’ve given away a decent piece of furniture recently, to help someone in need (I’d hoped) - just to see it for sale the next day. The same place I’d advertised it too!

I’ve also sold some baby items at very reasonable prices so people who might not usually be able to could afford them - just seen one of those items for double the price now online. The woman had me help her check it fit and everything…

People just seem ruder, less friendly and more greedy and ungrateful than ever before.

AIBU to think people are getting worse? Or maybe I’m just getting more sensitive to arseholes! 😂

OP posts:
SoniaFouler · 05/12/2021 18:42

I’d say you kind of are being unreasonable. Presumably the furniture you gave away was because you no longer wanted it. I can’t imagine you’d give away a sofa, or a bad, for example, that was still in every day use? So unless you said “I am giving this to you on the understanding you keep it for X amount of years”, then YABU. You gave it away. It’s no longer yours. You could have tried to sell it yourself for the price you’ve seen it sold for if you could have been bothered with the hassle that comes with it. You don’t give things away on an audition of who wants it the most. It’s not The X Factor. Ditto the clothes.

usernameshistory · 05/12/2021 18:49

YANBU, people are getting worse. Selfishness has been actively encouraged by this government and the most famous figureheads of it for quite a number of years now... The media portrays greed and minimal empathy as our natural baseline, as if anything else must be fake or contrived... Many people who have no independent thought (dumbed down for many years), combined with a bad upbringing just assume they have reached the desirable mentality in life.... So walk around bold as brass. It's just a society of people now all in it for themselves, but generally leading pretty miserable lives at the same time.

Original poster
AnAverageMum · 05/12/2021 18:49

@SoniaFouler point taken. But is there not something immoral in taking something for free on the pretence of being a bit hard up and then just selling it on? I’d rather of given it to someone who actually needed & couldn’t afford one.

The baby items werent clothes, more practical & expensive items. Again I take your point… but I’m sure the person knew if they’d of said I would like it to sell on for a profit I wouldn’t of offered it to them but to someone who genuinely needed the item. Not quick cash.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 05/12/2021 18:50

What medium did you use for giving/selling the items?

Original poster
AnAverageMum · 05/12/2021 18:52

@DrSbaitso does it make a difference?

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 05/12/2021 18:52

YANBU
People are impatient, unfriendly, selfish, stupid, unkind…. The world is not a nice place.

Original poster
AnAverageMum · 05/12/2021 18:53

@usernameshistory

as if anything else must be fake or contrived...

Yep. I agree with this actually…

OP posts:
Original poster
AnAverageMum · 05/12/2021 18:54

@Suzi888 depressing thought isn’t it. Must try to see the good… it’s there.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 05/12/2021 18:55

[quote AnAverageMum]@DrSbaitso does it make a difference?[/quote]
It might do, because it depends on what the purpose of the medium is. Can you answer?

Original poster
AnAverageMum · 05/12/2021 18:57

@DrSbaitso

Purpose of the medium? Confused.

Is there some where you go to give things away for free for people to sell? Sounds rubbish 😂

It was Facebook.

OP posts:
MeltedButter · 05/12/2021 18:59

Maybe they are hard up and thats why they need to sell it

Original poster
AnAverageMum · 05/12/2021 19:01

@MeltedButter I had thought that. & with one it could of been the case I think. But the other had a nice new car & clothes etc…

Maybe I’ll think of it like that anyway, make me feel better 😂

OP posts:
Thecurliestwurly · 05/12/2021 19:02

I know it feels good to give something to someone in need, but you have to see them as doing you a favour and taking something off your hands you no longer want. The only way you can be sure it falls into the hands you want it to is to donate to a charity that directly gives your donations to a family in need.

Original poster
AnAverageMum · 05/12/2021 19:04

@Thecurliestwurly this is definitely what I’m going to be doing from now on. Charity shops all the way…

OP posts:
SoniaFouler · 05/12/2021 19:04

SoniaFouler point taken. But is there not something immoral in taking something for free on the pretence of being a bit hard up and then just selling it on? I’d rather of given it to someone who actually needed & couldn’t afford one

But presumably you put it on Facebook to give it away/get rid of it in the first place? Did you write on the post along the lines of “I will only consider giving this to people desperately in need of it”? Because that’s a caveat and then I’d think it’s no wonder you had people putting on a sob story to get said item. My opinion is if you’re going to give something away then just give it away. Don’t give things away you don’t want to part with, don’t lend money to someone when you expect it back, etc.

But then, like someone else has said, perhaps they were far more in need of cash than item, so if you were selling it with a caveat, you’ve helped them more than originally planned. So job done.

AnneElliott · 05/12/2021 19:05

YANBU op - I see lots of begging posts on a local free site - sometimes people trying to out do each other with just how hard up they are!

Agree charity shops are probably the best option.

RhubarbCustardy · 05/12/2021 19:06

YANBU. People seem to be of a grab- all mentality. No one wants to share unless it looks good for them eg by donating to a charity online where it can be seen that they've donated. I recently gave a friend some clothes and didn't even get a thank you.

Original poster
AnAverageMum · 05/12/2021 19:08

@SoniaFouler
I didn’t put any conditions no, so you’re right… I think the jist of the conversation would lead them to believe I thought the item was for them personally but hey ho.

OP posts:
Larryyourwaiter · 05/12/2021 19:10

I gave a school mum clothes a few times and they basically threw them in the bin after one wear.
I hate waste so just gave to charity as they all had lots of wear in them, and she still kept asking for things but I didn’t give her again. Turns out the kids were drawing and cutting them up as dress up.
I got told on here I was unreasonable.

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/12/2021 19:11

People are people. They are no better or worse than they ever were - don’t start that.

I guess it’s pretty common to to this - people resell charity shop buys for a living. I can see why you don’t like it.. but we all have to make a living etc. If it bothers you don’t give stuff away free.

Original poster
AnAverageMum · 05/12/2021 19:11

@Larryyourwaiter well, didn’t you specifically tell her not to let the children draw on them or cut them up? 😉

OP posts:
Original poster
AnAverageMum · 05/12/2021 19:13

@Luredbyapomegranate
Oh don’t worry, I’m not one of them ‘used to be’s’ 😂 people have always been twats, genuinely think I’ve just come into contact with more than usual recently.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnAverageMum · 05/12/2021 19:15

@Luredbyapomegranate
We’re allowed to call out things that we think are morally shitty though. I won’t be giving anything away personally again. If someone does it from a charity shop I won’t know will I…

OP posts:
PonderingTotskeit · 05/12/2021 19:17

Happened a lot on our local FB group recently. The person doing it was removed from the group by Admin after comments by group members. The members now add that if it’s for free they expect the person to keep it or offer it on for free again if they find they don’t want it.

I had so many issues trying to sell a few bits that I now just donate to a local charity shop every time.

EIIa · 05/12/2021 19:17

It’s bullshit

They’re taking the piss out of your good nature. I’d feel the same op