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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This is embarrassing isn't it

79 replies

ohmyohmyactual · 05/12/2021 13:53

Children playing league football and parents calling out to the ref constantly calling for decisions and getting generally arsey with them?

It's happened a few times but this week was a parent on our team and I just wanted the ground to swallow me up.

It's embarrassing isn't it?

Be honest, are any of you or or husbands like this?!

OP posts:
MrsLargeEmbodied · 05/12/2021 18:02

it isnt allowed, it is part of the code of conduct, or was when my ds played

MajorCarolDanvers · 05/12/2021 18:05

I cringe when people do this. But I don't feel personally embarrassed as I am not responsible for them. They are embarrassing themselves.

xprincessxjanetx · 05/12/2021 18:05

Yes, I would find it embarrassing if my DH did this.

longtompot · 05/12/2021 18:06

I read a post by I know I need to Stop Talking about this very thing a week or so ago. Hopefully you can see if via this link www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=447365400086143&set=a.232862161536469

BigYellowHat · 05/12/2021 18:12

There was a punch up on two occasions at my son’s rugby matches! One of the dads walloped a 16 year old lad after he didn’t like the way the lad tacked his son. It was referred to the RFU. Now that’s embarrassing 😳

Barwell76 · 05/12/2021 18:21

My ds16 is a kids football ref. They have zero tolerance on stuff like this so your dh might be banned from future games. I hope he is, he needs to grow up.

SheikYourGrooveThang · 05/12/2021 18:23

It is dreadfully cringey when football parents are coaching & screeching
They’re habitually shouting instructions,tactics or commands. Awful
I wear air pods for such occasions to zone out the hysterical parents. They live vicariously through their children, pushing them and being over competitive. Kid at my dc school has apparently been talent spotted by a big club and as a result both his parents are touchline screamers. They bellow & bray commands, constantly shouting pass it to their wonder kid. It’s really exhausting and has an imposing effect on the other kids they just try play on.

supersop60 · 05/12/2021 18:39

@Whatamesssss

This says it all.
This was displayed at all the clubs in my DS league. Parents at our club had to sign a code of conduct which included not arguing with the referee, not swearing etc. I have known a referee to stop a match and have words with such a parent, and a threat of being banned from watching. Have a word with your DH.
RobertaFirmino · 05/12/2021 18:40

Tell him 'Oi Sir Alex, pack it in NOW or I'll send you to the stands'.

PlumManor · 05/12/2021 19:01

One of the reasons i was so happy when DS dropped football at about ten. This was exactly the same 20 years ago.

When he started rugby union at 15 it was so different, great parents, great kids, a real team, no aggression, no dads helping with the coaching and making their DS captain every season. No football mums screaming “cooooome on our Luke” in my ear.

I was shocked the first premiership rugby game I went to, the teams all sit mixed up and banter good naturedly amongst themselves.

Maybe it’s the Guinness. 🤷‍♀️

JuicySatsuma85 · 05/12/2021 19:04

People saying they never feel second hand embarrassment are very disturbing. Are you sociopaths? It’s a normal human emotion as a result of having empathy.

MeltedWax · 05/12/2021 19:27

Parents at kids' football have to seen to be believed. It can be awful.

I've literally seen parent brawls at a friendly pre- season match for 5/6yo kids 😳

Not my DH though Wink

Everyone thinks their DC is the next big thing. It's quite funny tbh.

Qwertykeys · 05/12/2021 19:45

My DS is a ref, some of the abuse is awful. Ask your DH if he would like to be shouted at for an entire match . My son even handed the whistle to a spectator who new better. Maybe your DH would like to get his ref qualification , there is a huge shortage, no shortage of matches for him , see if he likes being on the receiving end .

nancy75 · 05/12/2021 19:52

Different sport but we’ve banned parents from watching kids tournaments. We don’t like the way parents treat the staff umpiring or how they shout at their own kids when they don’t win. (These are 5 to 7 year olds.) It’s a much more pleasant experience for everyone without parents

rrhuth · 05/12/2021 19:56

@ohmyohmyactual

I'm almost too ashamed to even say on here but it was my DH.

I'm so disappointed in him and feel like were probably going to be judged by the other parents.

Oh dear Blush

Yes, you are going to be judged by the other parents.

Can you talk to him about this? It is not at all cool, he needs to knock it off before he makes his kids dislike him or affects the way other parents feel about their kids associating with yours.

My DH's dad was a bit of a touchline presence, my DH still remembers it with horror.

Jayaywhynot · 05/12/2021 20:22

My OH used to do this at his DS football matches, really embarrassing, he was really loud, shouting at the players, DS and the ref until one day DS shouted "dad will you fucking shut up, you're an embarrassment" I nearly fell on the floor laughing, DS got a pass for using the f-word, oh kept quite after that

Original poster
ohmyohmyactual · 05/12/2021 20:43

Strong words on way to next game and if he does it again I will not go to the games in future as it doesn't seem to affect him like it does me.

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 05/12/2021 20:47

Massively clamped down on here, grass roots and school. DH is a PE teacher he had to call security for some twonk last week and get him removed from the premises. The kid must have been so embarrassed

HarrietSchulenberg · 05/12/2021 20:49

I was embarrassed for the competitive mother in a headscarf who brayed at her son throughout a pre-teens football match and instructed him to, "Go for that little one, get him!". They were from a larger club in the county town and were playing our small town U10s. She was so posh yet so vile and loud that my toes curled for her child.

Qwertykeys · 05/12/2021 21:02

It will affect your DH if he's banned from matches . No spectator has the right to question a match official. Our FA are having a huge clampdown as they are losing too many refs . His behaviour is totally unacceptable, he also need to be aware some refs are u18 and therefore come under safegurding , should he verbally abuse them he will find himself Infront of the FA.

shiningstar2 · 05/12/2021 21:03

People get so intense about these things. My db used to run a kids team. He would sometimes have parents complain 'ds comes to the training sessions every week, does everything asked of him, but doesn't always get picked to play in the team.
Db's reply? I give every Saturday morning and a night a week as a volunteer. See that kid over there? He comes every week and trains hard. Hasn't been selected the last 3 weeks. He's my son. I picked the best options for the team. That's the way it goes.
To be fair most parents took this on board and didn't complain again, but some just couldn't see it. They seemed to think that their son was the next Ronaldo if only he was given a 'fair' chance. Sad
It's a hobby for the kids, as it was for my db, but some parents take all the fun out of it for the kids.

simonisnotme · 05/12/2021 21:04

he should shut his gob

WomanStanleyWoman · 05/12/2021 21:35

@JuicySatsuma85

People saying they never feel second hand embarrassment are very disturbing. Are you sociopaths? It’s a normal human emotion as a result of having empathy.
Oh come on - you can’t be serious. Sociopaths? No one could be that ridiculously dramatic.

If someone I knew was upset or was otherwise having a hard time, of course I’d feel sympathy for them. But embarrassment? For something they’re not even embarrassed about themselves? Why would I feel that?

Shouty man at football obviously doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong or he wouldn’t be shouting, so there’s nothing to empathise with him about. I know we’ve had the massive drip feed now that the ‘other parent’ was actually the OP’s husband, so I see why she’d be embarrassed to be with him - but some random stranger? Who would care, and why?

If you’re being genuine in this post, I’m worried for you (ironically enough).

Sparklingbrook · 05/12/2021 22:33

I get embarrassed for other people all the time. When they are making a show of themselves especially.
I've read it on here when people say 'I'm embarrassed for you OP' when they've said something particularly stupid.

amusedbush · 05/12/2021 22:47

I'm genuinely jealous of the people who have never experienced secondhand embarrassment. I get it all the time and it physically hurts me - my stomach cramps up and my face gets hot. I even get it from characters doing awkward things on TV Blush

Here's a list of weird things that trigger my secondhand embarrassment:

  • People doing impressions of celebrities
  • People who try really, really hard when singing things like Happy Birthday
  • Bad auditions on Britain's Got Talent, etc
  • Awkward silences on programmes like the Undateables, First Dates, etc
  • When you're in a crowd and everyone is chanting/singing and then it just fizzles out
  • When you're at an event and someone tries to start a clap but nobody joins in so it's only them clapping
Blush
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