This is embarrassing isn't it

[ohmyohmyactual]

Children playing league football and parents calling out to the ref constantly calling for decisions and getting generally arsey with them?

It's happened a few times but this week was a parent on our team and I just wanted the ground to swallow me up.

It's embarrassing isn't it?

Be honest, are any of you or or husbands like this?!

Op that was quite the drip feed

Eugh so much cringe. I can see this being dp when DSS starts football club

Being an umpire or referee is a horrible job, the people doing it are often volunteers from the wider club (at least in hockey) giving up weekend time to facilitate childrens sport and shouting at them is awful. You should be very embarrassed OP.

We have a family member who has form for this. Decided his son was definitely an amazing footballer who would be signed up by a big club. Except he wasn’t, he was a normal player (actually he wasn’t even very good but he loved it).
They moved clubs nearly every year because dad would scream and harass the refs and trainers, it was all their fault his son wasn’t the star etc.
He then had a go at another sport, managed to win a local tournament (in a very small club) and decided he would then be a champion at that and they dropped the football.
He’s not a professional sportsman strangely.

This says it all.

@Whatamesssss

This says it all.

Excellent sign.

@WomanStanleyWoman

Eh? You never get embarrassed for other people? Or cringe at stuff something else has done?

Why would I? Maybe if it was my partner or a family member, and their actions meant I was actively involved in an unpleasant scene. But a virtual stranger getting a bit shouty at a football game? Wanting ‘the ground to swallow you up’ over that is a ridiculous overreaction.

I've definitely cringed for people before.

Yh this is really bad and needs to stop.

DS2 is a qualified ref and used to ref u13-u14 matches when he was about 16-17 and not very tall. He knows a lot about footy and reffing tho. He used to get a lot of grief from parents and it used to annoy me so much.

He has now stopped reffing as it used to upset him too much, so if people keep calling the ref that will be the result - then there will be no one to ref the matches, which I am sure nobody involved wants to see happening.

Referee here. Childrens games were truly awful. Even as a female (which was rare when I started)
I got more respect from adult players than the parents of kids.
The poor kids would be cringing at them, highly embarrassed and clearly trying their best.
No fun for them at all.
Jane a word with your husband, show respect or stay away!

*have not Jane!

@IslaInthesun

I've never been embarrassed for someone else. Why would I be?

This is a normal human emotional reaction linked to empathy

Here in Ireland all refs stepped down recently in junior matches as such abuse from parents, sometimes coaches and even the kids themselves. Who would be a referee?
I would definitely be embarrassed if that was dh and our kids wold not have spared him. I have seen quite good players give it up as couldn't cope with the savage comments from the line.

It's a game, a child's game, not the World Cup.

He should be embarrassed for embarrassing himself, you and your son.

In our league, parents can be banned from the sidelines for berating the (often teenage) refs, as they should be.

I remember this, a lot of the refs were 14/15 and it was appalling-I know a few of them stopped altogether because of the abuse

One dad was going mad (opposing team) because he didn’t realise the ref had played advantage- I took great pleasure in explaining what the ref’s hand gesture meant…….

Oh I remember witnessing years of this. So embarrassing when there's a parent shouting and screeching at the ref. Or their child more commonly. 'Take him out son!' etc.
They take it all so very seriously.
One Mum got escorted from the touchline once. Anyone who says you can't feel embarrassed for someone else-of course you can.

If he can't behave then he can't come to future matches

What a dickhead

My DS (18 at the time) used to referee for the younger teams at his rugby club and the abuse he got from dads (always the dads) was enough to make him pack it in. I’d be furious if DH had ever argued with the ref. or shouted from the sidelines.

Dreadful when the young players themselves are able to conduct themselves in a respectful manner when things aren’t going their way.

I have seen refs in rugby send spectators "off", and tell particularly obnoxious parents to leave the touchline. This was at Minis level, so under-10s. Abuse of the ref is heavily frowned-on in rugby, many clubs have signs up about it, and fortunately a lot of parents are prepared to go and tell Gobby McGobFace to just shut up, its a kids' match.

My sons club have a zero tolerance policy, if you abuse etc in anyway you are no longer allowed to attend matches at all.

We had to call the police on a mum and dad (not known to each other) who were having a verbal fight about their childrens rugby skills. This was at a rugby tots session and both children were three years old.

If any child performs well cheer, if any team wins you cheer, it doesn’t matter if your child is on the winning side, it doesn’t matter if it isn’t your child performing really well.

It's disgraceful. What an appalling example to set to the kids. It's no surprise the behaviour you see in some young footballers if that's the kind of influence they've had from their parents. Ds tried joining a local football club when he was younger. He hated it, mainly because of the attitude of lots of the other kids, but he also said the dads did a lot of shouting and the coach was a parent and showed massive favouritism to his son and his son's friends. Honestly it's pathetic to see grown men behave that way!

I have a relative who coaches youth sport. Having been a member of his club for thirty-odd years, he is aware that the tubby kid who struggles with co-ordination at ten, may become the six-foot hero of the day after a teenage growth spurt and a summons to the first team.
His policy of equal game time for the whole team has been disparaged by mothers, fathers and hangers on alike.
His players love the game and success has followed - eventually. There is an unhealthy preoccupation with immediate results - one mum famously asked him if he just didn't want the team to win - and many parents want their child to be the athlete that they themselves never were. Let the kids be themselves.

Men are so emotional aren’t they 🤮

I heard a radio show recently where local kids teams were struggling to get people to referee and coach because of bad parental behaviour.

I know that when my brother coached a team he got a hard time and it was always the same parents who volunteered to wash kit, takes snacks etc, and rarely the one who could better afford it. Likewise it was the same people who dished out abuse. He got plenty of it when he made sure that each of the special needs kids got to play as often as everyone else, much to the disgust of parents of more able kids. It was supposed to be fun, and the parents ruined it and set a very bad example. I was so proud of him for the way he handled it, and the example he set.

No wonder refs and coaches may appear to be "bolshy" or "antagonistic" - they need to be at times!

DH used to coach junior football when DS played, in the 1980s, then went on to referee junior and later still, senior matches, until he was 60 years old. He gave up so much of his time. The junior matches were by far the worst because of loud-mouthed parents, nearly always dads, and sometimes even coaches, who didn’t have a clue about the rules of the game. He’s shown the red card to spectators before, and offered the know-alls the chance to take over mid-game (they backed off quickly). The games he enjoyed reffing most were the ladies’ matches, where there was rarely any backchat or play acting.

Now we go to our DGSs’ matches and see nothing has changed.

Have a word with your DH, OP. He really doesn’t want to be that dad and your child doesn’t want to witness it. Any chance he might volunteer to take on a coaching or reffing role himself and see it from the other side?

Not only is it embarrassing it's horrible. My friends son refs, he's 16 and he gets parents threatening him and shouting at him. It's absolutely awful and makes me so mad. He has on occasion had to get his dad to oic, him up because he was frightened. Disgusting behaviour from adults.