Child saying they aren’t good at anything, what can I do to help them?

[FindSomethingToHelp]

DD is 7, year 3 at school.

She hates school, always has. She’s not good at anything according to her and is currently undergoing assessments again. She has dyslexia but she’s undergoing other assessments for possible dyscalculia/dysgraphia as she’s just not making any progress in anything. She will refuse to go to school every morning, and it’s got the point I have to drag her in kicking and screaming. Her teacher is great and always finds something positive to say about her and she’s had star of the week this year already but there was no assembly so DD says it’s not a proper one (was given by the teacher in class not by the headteacher). She is just so defeated by it all.

Out of school she does swimming, but she’s stage 1 still and nowhere near stage 2. Most of her friends are stage 3 or 4. It’s one of those towns where you can’t avoid them and I want her to carry on learning to swim so she’s got to carry on but I am hoping that because her time slot only has up to Level 4 that soon she won’t be with them and able to compare if that makes sense. She has hypermobility in her legs which affects her quite badly and is why she’s not at the stage of her friends.

She does Brownies but has only just started and is finding it frustrating that shes only earnt 1 skills badge and 1 interest badge. She is working towards her theme award but hasn’t quite got there yet.

She tried gymnastics but was asked to leave after 2 sessions because she was too scared to jump off anything in case it hurt. She loves watching Dancing but when we tried it she said it was painful and didn’t want to go again.

At home it’s just me and her apart from EOW when she goes to her dads.

Is there anything else I can try that she might be good at? I am desperate to find something so we don’t put her off school, her teacher agrees she needs something to be good at away from school but it’s so hard to find anything that doesn’t either hurt her or have her friends from school in.

I've hadn't read all the replies but wanted to suggest Musical Theatre. LAMDA did wonders for my DD's confidence/ English when she was younger. Musical theatre covers singing, dancing and acting so your DD might find her preference or enjoying all three. My friend's daughter who has CP enjoyed private singing lessons when young and also learned an instrument (adapted) so lots of options. I know you said you cook already but anything arty might bring enjoyment for your DD.

@liveforsummer

To add she doesn't sound like a candidate for RDA based on what you've said. A standard riding school should be fine. Most offer pony days etc in the holidays to learn grooming etc too

I think you might be right looking at the criteria @liveforsummer but I've sent them an email anyway to see.

Like I said I do have friends with horses, so I'm sure someone will be happy for DD to groom and stroke one, obviously I'd always ask and never feed them anything unless the owner said it was ok.

@FindSomethingToHelp you are an amazing mum, really you are. Someone suggested something along the lines of your dd writing a book (many ways to do that without being academic), I agree your dd sounds to me that she would produce something pretty incredible.

Horse riding helped me with many things as a child (I didn’t have any physical issues then though). Now, with auto immune disease that affects my joints (have suffered terrible hip pain at times) I fantasise about being on a horse both for mh and the physical relief. It’s hard to explain it but being on a horse felt like therapy for me. Swimming is great for joint issues too so please keep that up if she enjoys it.

Maybe she’s good at sketching? My 8 year old dd finds comfort in sketching/doodling. I’m sure she’ll be ok.

Maybe more craft based activities.
Dictating her stories, making movies with her dolls house, something more creative that expands on things she's interested and not academic based hobbies.

Remind her of what she has learnt and explain that it was a combination of teaching and practice, like walking, talking, dressing herself etc. None of that magically happened overnight.

It happened because someone taught her and she practiced it.

I definitely recommend photography. DSD lacks confidence but takes the most perceptive photographs and it gives her a real boost if we frame one or make an album.

Musical theatre /drama is another good idea. Find an inclusive group and it will do so much for her confidence.

I also think nature groups are a good idea too. I loved going to one when I was younger ,all the children who went were quite sweet and gentle

She sounds very imaginative, funny and kind. All wonderful qualities to be celebrated.

Has she tried drama? I was a child in and out of hospital, terrified of all physical activity, and drama really was a huge confidence boost. Definitely worth a try if you haven't already?

Thought I'd offer a slight update.

Spoke to her teacher about her struggling again, and her teacher had a chat with her to see what DD thought would help and she wants to "show off" what she does outside of school in school.

So they've added a news bit every Friday, where the children in the class can share something good thats happened to them outside of school, could be badges at Brownies/Scouts, Swimming Certificates or just that they've baked a cake with their mum, but they're allowed to share it.

DDs said she wants to share that she worked really hard to write everyone in the class a Christmas card.

I can't wait to hear how she found it tomorrow.

Should add, teacher says everyone in the class will clap whatever their news is so everyone gets appreciated and congratulated.

That's lovely @FindSomethingToHelp.

Just a thought Op, but if DD is struggling with things like swimming and gym as well as schoolwork - have you considered the possibly that it may be dyspraxia rather than dyslexia that is the issue. It can impact on learning too as it affects executive processing in the brain - but might explain why she's struggling over a range of areas.

Agree with previous posters that animal care might be a good thing to involve her in. Or something like music - maybe singing or percussion instruments?

@RestingStitchFace

Just a thought Op, but if DD is struggling with things like swimming and gym as well as schoolwork - have you considered the possibly that it may be dyspraxia rather than dyslexia that is the issue. It can impact on learning too as it affects executive processing in the brain - but might explain why she's struggling over a range of areas.

Agree with previous posters that animal care might be a good thing to involve her in. Or something like music - maybe singing or percussion instruments?

She's had an assessment earlier this week to assess for other things alongside the dyslexia, school thought dysgraphia/dyscalculia but the assessment assess for dyspraxia at a basic level so we'll know soon.

Thank you though @RestingStitchFace

Sorry, haven't read the full thread as in a rush, but just wanted to give you my experiences of being hypermobile and sport (I am hypermobile as is one of my daughters but only two so we are not up to where you are yet). Physically your daughter will likely be very uncomfortable from time to time - I certainly was growing up. I was told that my daughter would sort of have a "dip" in physical ability after a growth spurt because the muscles have to "restrengthen" to support the ligaments and tendons (which are what cause the hypermobility). Both this and the pain she might experience are likely to impact her at school. She will have to learn to live with it, but I feel like I would have benefited more from a little more understanding (was diagnosed as an adult despite being textbook and severely hypermobile), for example I was at times very clumsy and it made me really self conscious.

I have also been told that two of the best things you can do are swimming and horse riding for assisting children with hypermobility to develop strength (I have already started my two year old riding, though don't think I'd have got her going that early if I weren't "horsey"). If you think your daughter would be interested in riding, there is a great Facebook group called "Hypermobile Riders" and they will be able to give you lots of advice about riding with hypermobility. It might be really great for her. I had a tough time at school (I was very poor socially and found it hard) and horses were a real life saver for me.

I have also been told that maintain strength and not carrying too much excess weight can really help too so keeping her interested in sport is a great idea to support her. My parents did a fantastic job at this, and I was very active (despite hating and being very bad at school PE type sport my parents got me involved with stuff outside of school). I also had a wider circle of friends outside of school, which helped with my social stuff, and a way that I could be good at something. Feel free to PM me if you would like any more details on riding with hypermobility, but the Facebook Group is genuinely amazing.

Good luck. I really feel for your daughter. I am sure she is a wonderful, unique individual with so much to offer and it is so sad that she can't see that right now. Xxx

@HornungTheHelpful

Sorry, haven't read the full thread as in a rush, but just wanted to give you my experiences of being hypermobile and sport (I am hypermobile as is one of my daughters but only two so we are not up to where you are yet). Physically your daughter will likely be very uncomfortable from time to time - I certainly was growing up. I was told that my daughter would sort of have a "dip" in physical ability after a growth spurt because the muscles have to "restrengthen" to support the ligaments and tendons (which are what cause the hypermobility). Both this and the pain she might experience are likely to impact her at school. She will have to learn to live with it, but I feel like I would have benefited more from a little more understanding (was diagnosed as an adult despite being textbook and severely hypermobile), for example I was at times very clumsy and it made me really self conscious.

I have also been told that two of the best things you can do are swimming and horse riding for assisting children with hypermobility to develop strength (I have already started my two year old riding, though don't think I'd have got her going that early if I weren't "horsey"). If you think your daughter would be interested in riding, there is a great Facebook group called "Hypermobile Riders" and they will be able to give you lots of advice about riding with hypermobility. It might be really great for her. I had a tough time at school (I was very poor socially and found it hard) and horses were a real life saver for me.

I have also been told that maintain strength and not carrying too much excess weight can really help too so keeping her interested in sport is a great idea to support her. My parents did a fantastic job at this, and I was very active (despite hating and being very bad at school PE type sport my parents got me involved with stuff outside of school). I also had a wider circle of friends outside of school, which helped with my social stuff, and a way that I could be good at something. Feel free to PM me if you would like any more details on riding with hypermobility, but the Facebook Group is genuinely amazing.

Good luck. I really feel for your daughter. I am sure she is a wonderful, unique individual with so much to offer and it is so sad that she can't see that right now. Xxx

Thank you for your experiences @HornungTheHelpful it's very helpful.

She's dyslexic and also suspected to have dysgraphia or dyscalculia, and I do think dyspraxia as well so her confidence is in the bin really she's such a sociable little girl according to her teacher, she plays with literally everyone and never leaves anyone out, so its so sad to see her struggling with herself.

I am going to look into singing and/or drama for her. I suspect she has low muscle tone in her jaw - she has a slight speech delay but didn't say a word until she was 3 and some of her speech now isn't understandable as she talks too quickly (posisbly to get it over with due to pain) so I think singing could help that as well.

Brownies has finished for the year now but Brown Owl said she'd have a think over Christmas holidays if there's anything they can add in to help DD, she too has said DD is very sociable and welcomes new girls in and shows them the rope so if she sticks at GGing she might make leadership with those qualities.

I love her more than anything, she's such a lovely little girl. She never asks for anything really and is such a kind girl lending out uniform at brownies so the others can do their promise. She's just so lovely and I'm so proud of her for keeping at everything.