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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What’s more important?

55 replies

StartingAllOverYetAgain · 05/12/2021 10:48

Dp and I have been together to around 7 months, we were having a chilled out relaxing morning yesterday when out of the blue dp asked who one of my friends was on social media. I answered by saying they were someone I’d met on tinder long before we were together. Admittedly there was an initial attraction between us and we had FaceTimed a couple of times through lockdown 1. Nothing came of it but we added each other on social media, we would occasionally chat on messenger or Instagram prior to meeting dp but nothing more than niceties, nothing flirtatious or anything like that, I guess I would class this person as a friend, nothing more. So, when I was asked who this person was I confirmed all this to dp, this led to a heated discussion that continued for the next 3-4 hours and in my eyes I believed we had resolved the issues, out of respect to dp and our current relationship I removed/deleted connections I had with this ‘friend’. I had spent the previous night at dps house and headed home to my place after our earlier discussion, we’d planned to meet up again that evening. When I arrived at dps house for the evening I was greeted with a rather frosty reception, there was very little physical connection between us at all last night to which I confronted dp, this in turn reignited the discussions we had ‘resolved’ earlier. We had been talking openly about things and tried to see things from the others’ pov if the shoe was on the other foot. Anyway, we were slowly getting things back on track between us but we were far from sorted. We were listening to some music when some dance tunes came on and dp said they ‘really needed a good night out’ at the local nightclub so I said they should go out and let their hair down. I said I would stay at dps house and look after their kids, I had bought dd over for a sleepover and dps kids were in bed already asleep. Admittedly, maybe slightly underhanded, I wanted to see whether dp thought we should resolve things or whether they would rather go out, get drunk and have a good night. Dp had gotten ready in like 5 minutes flat and was ready to call a cab, I asked ‘are you seriously heading out to the club?’ (btw, the time was now around 2am) to which the reply was ‘yes, but if you’d prefer me not to go I’ll stay home’. I know that I had ‘tricked’ dp by saying ‘yeah, go out’ but aibu in thinking they would rather go out and get drunk than sort out our problems. Dp agreed not to go out but to stay home and sort things out. This didn’t happen unfortunately but just created more friction between us leading to me and dd heading home at 3am. I am left wondering if this is the relationship for me or whether to cut my losses and walk away.

What are your thoughts please?

OP posts:
Kite22 · 05/12/2021 17:17

Saying they can/should go out while you offer to look after the DC then kicking off when they accept the offer is ridiculous.

This ^

Also the dragging your dc out at 3am, because the two of you had had an argument. Hmm

I have to agree with everyone else - there is a LOT wrong with this relationship, and it seems that you don't have decent boundaries.

DroopyClematis · 05/12/2021 17:19

It's clear that your relationship lacks trust but that can be built on . However, playing daft games is not the way to do it.

That you have both thrust your children together, so early into your relationship, to the point that they're having sleepovers was a bad move on both your parts.

If you decide to split, how are the children going to cope with this ? They are going to be very upset to say the least.

Did either of you think about them prior to your lust?

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 05/12/2021 17:20

You both sound insecure and controlling.

Waking your child up at 3am to storm off is awful, unless you were worried about your partner turning violent. But if you were then you wouldn't be posting here questioning the relationship (hopefully).

HighlandPony · 05/12/2021 17:27

Does he know this guy? Personally does he have a problem with him or some sort of connection to him? I could see that be why he’s upset about it. As for the rest just tell him what you want. Don’t play mind games and expect him to know that you want to stay in and hash it out. I’d be pretty pissed off myself if someone tricked me by saying go out then questioning my commitment. Maybe he was just done talking about it.

Onlinedilema · 05/12/2021 17:36

I agree with everyone else. The whole situation is ridiculous. The possessiveness over a friend of a different sex, the conning someone into thinking it's ok for them to go out, leaving children with someone you barely know, dragging a child out of bed at 3am.
You both need to grow up.

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