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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to put a tree up this year?

37 replies

youaremysunishineherolady · 04/12/2021 20:12

DS is 4. I really can't be bothered this year, we've got a lot going on. Prem baby in NICU too and I just don't feel festive. Lots going on.

DS doesn't understand Christmas, but might be interested in a bit of sparkle. But I think he can just enjoy someone else's tree to look at, and the many many of them outside the village houses nearby. He would also try to ruin the tree too and I'm not sure I can take on the stress

Both sets of our parents think it's VV unreasonable!

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 04/12/2021 20:15

Fake it til you make it? Don't let your dd go without a tree!! Given your circumstances a bit of normality may do you all good.

WisestIsShe · 04/12/2021 20:16

I think with a prem baby in the NICU YANBU
If the GP are that bothered let them do the decorating with DS.

Original poster
youaremysunishineherolady · 04/12/2021 20:16

Santa Not sure I can trust your reply as impartial advice since your name literally starts with Santa Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
youaremysunishineherolady · 04/12/2021 20:17

@WisestIsShe

I think with a prem baby in the NICU YANBU If the GP are that bothered let them do the decorating with DS.
You couldn't decorate with DS... unless you're after the burgled Christmas look, complete with cracked baubles
OP posts:
Lasair · 04/12/2021 20:18

I’d say 4 year olds understand Christmas mine does. If your son is in school/nursery they will be doing Christmas things. Can you not put up small tree?/fake tree?

So sorry about your baby in the NICU I know it must be very tough to do normal things with a sick baby.

GiltEdges · 04/12/2021 20:18

I think it would be a bit mean not to have a tree for your DS's sake. Are you sure he doesn't understand at all? DS is just 3 this Christmas and starting to grasp bits of it and he absolutely loved the tree going up.

thickthighs73 · 04/12/2021 20:19

What don’t you get him one of those little pre lit ones and let him decorate it?

Original poster
youaremysunishineherolady · 04/12/2021 20:19

Sorry didn't want to add to much info unnecessarily but he's autistic with a severe learning disability Thanks

He does have a Christmas play at nursery but he was never given a part

OP posts:
luinagreine · 04/12/2021 20:20

In your situation I would probably do one of the potted ones you buy in supermarkets that are a few feet high. A few twinkly lights and a bit of tinsel, job done. I wouldn't do nothing though, 4 year olds aren't oblivious.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 04/12/2021 20:20

I am ho ho ho-nly thinking of your ds. Just get inexpensive baubles and some chocolates

. If he keeps off it he can have a chocolate after his tea!!

Restart10 · 04/12/2021 20:21

4yo definitely understand christmas. Mine certainly did. I would say just let him decorate it, a few broken baubles isn't the end of the world. It will give him something to be happy about.

TurnUpTurnip · 04/12/2021 20:21

Hmm I have a 4 year old and she definitely understands Xmas! Unless there are Sen then most 4 year olds understand.

I would do it personally it’s not hard to get even a small one from Poundland for a fiver

Starcaller · 04/12/2021 20:21

What about one of those felt ones you hang on the wall with things you stick on? Far less hassle than an actual tree but will be something fun for him! They're quite indestructible too and require basically no effort.

Original poster
youaremysunishineherolady · 04/12/2021 20:21

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage lol if ho-nly I could come up with a more witty response Grin brilliant

OP posts:
TurnUpTurnip · 04/12/2021 20:22

Ok x posted it would have been better to mention that in the op as obviously that would have made the responses very different it’s quite important piece of information

Suzanne999 · 04/12/2021 20:22

It’s exhausting and stressful having a bay in NICU. I hope everything goes well for him/her.
Could a GP deliver a small, fake, predecorated tree? That way it would be a surprise for your son and no hassle for you.

Original poster
youaremysunishineherolady · 04/12/2021 20:22

@TurnUpTurnip I did realise that afterwards sorry Blush

OP posts:
Heartofglass12345 · 04/12/2021 20:23

Could you get a small fibre optic tree? Just a little one to make it special for him?
Obviously you know him best so would know if it would make a difference to him or not.

Can his grandparents take him to see Santa or to see some Christmas lights?

I hope your NICU baby is doing well and is home with you soon. And I know it's the last thing on your mind but take care of yourself Thanks

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 04/12/2021 20:23

Playpen for the tree?
Ime a grand idea!!

BlueBellsArePretty · 04/12/2021 20:24

Why don't you get on Amazon or eBay and order a fibre optic tree, get it out of the box, plug it in, switch it on, job done.

Pegasussnail · 04/12/2021 20:24

I would put up a few fairy lights on the window or fireplace and a little tree. Just to mark the season but only takes a few minutes.
Wishing you all the best.

MizzFizz · 04/12/2021 20:28

Ask the grandparents to decorate of they're so into it... Would be a nice way for them to help out at this difficult moment in your life.

Thethreecs · 04/12/2021 20:34

Sorry for all you're going through.

Imo children with autism love lights, my disabled dd has autism has no understanding of anything but when the tree goes up, her eyes light up. I know all children are different and we've too experienced the pulling down of the decorations and tree and yes it's stressful, however reading that he hasn't even been given a part in the play is very sad. Of course he will know he's not involved in that, only difference is he can't speak his disappointment.

My dd goes to a sn school and they always ensure every child has a part no matter how small and they constantly tell us that children are very aware. I've seen children with no facial expressions light up when they have a tiny part in Christmas plays.

I do not want to sound mean, as you are going through a really tough time, but he will know he's no part in the school play and no Christmas decorations at home, can you not even buy a small table top tree that is pre lit? He can pull it down as much as he wants.

chickenpie1984 · 04/12/2021 20:36

You have so much going on but I personally love a tree up. If you don't feel up to actually doing it can you rope in a friend/ family member to do it? I'd do it for someone in a heartbeat x

ErrolTheDragon · 04/12/2021 20:41

YANBU.
But as others have said, maybe a modest sided artificial tree (certainly not one that's going to drop needles). Some shatterproof baubles and tinsel.
... we've still got pretty much what we got nearly 20 years ago, it's indestructible. Never bothered with lights, the tinsel and baubles glitter enough.