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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To see her point of view better the older I get?

27 replies

Lagomtransplant · 04/12/2021 19:36

A woman is raised in a family alongside a "golden child".
She is refused same level of opportunities as the said golden child, based on ability that she had absolutely no influence over.
Refused higher education, but still managed to get as educated as possible using available short courses.
Finds a job and moves out as soon as possible after finishing education at home. She meets a guy, yet worries about telling him about her sibling. She's relieved when it doesn't bother him.
Has a couple of good years: gets married, buys a house, has a baby, husband is kind, faithful and a good provider.
The golden child gets involved with a partner her sibling can't begin to understand the value of, they get involved with a criminal organisation, insult everyone when tried to be reasoned with, then get themselves killed, leaving a 15 month old in the aunt's care, without any provisions for the child any with all property locked away until the child comes of age.
The child has incomprehensible, but considerable SEN, which weighs heavily on the aunt's capacity to work, parent and general quality of life. This frequently interferes with aunt's own child's upbringing.
The adopted child gets into trouble in school all the time, wreaks havoc on every family outing, almost ruins uncle's career, physically harms a family member, starts spending more and more time messing with same people who killed his parents, has a near miss in almost killing the biological child, can't go a school year without teetering on the brink of expulsion, breaks and enters government property and forces the family relocate the family home due to threat to life from his involvement with the aforementioned criminal organisation.

The family finally has enough, breaks ties and moves on with their life. Yet they are seen as bad guys!!!

The older I get and the more I think about it, the more kudos I give to aunt Petunia for putting up with all the crazy crap in her life!!! 🤪 AIBU?

OP posts:
BeaMends · 04/12/2021 19:48

Ha! guessed about halfway down Grin

ssd · 04/12/2021 19:52

You've lost me

SequinsandStiIettos · 04/12/2021 19:53

Is it a soap? I don't do soaps.

EllieSattler · 04/12/2021 19:54

Lol

Ozanj · 04/12/2021 19:54

Honestly, I think Hermione was probably the most terrifying child before Hogwarts when you consider how terrifying she became across the books. Rowling needed to weigh her down with a homebody Weasley and kids otherwise she would have become the next dictator

PamDenick · 04/12/2021 19:54

Not sure this is the best time to be talking about difficult step children…

Ozanj · 04/12/2021 19:55

@PamDenick

Not sure this is the best time to be talking about difficult step children…
Op summarised the plot of the Harry Potter books lol
PamDenick · 04/12/2021 19:55

Yes I know…

DrSbaitso · 04/12/2021 19:56

@ssd

You've lost me
Harry Potter.

The adopted child doesn't have as much control over his surroundings and acquaintances as the story suggests.

SequinsandStiIettos · 04/12/2021 19:56

Ah. I haven't read any Hairy Botter books.

MizzFizz · 04/12/2021 19:57

I had to Google it as I haven't read Harry Potter 😅

DrSbaitso · 04/12/2021 20:00

I do feel sorry for Petunia not being able to go to Hogwarts. But in the later books it was made clearer how this affected her. I felt for her.

The Harry Potter characters are all quite complex.

fabricfanatic · 04/12/2021 20:17

If it weren't for the fact that she spoiled her son rotten to the core and treated her nephew like an unpaid servant, I'd be more sympathetic. Wink But yeah, I can see how she might have been a bit messed up by the family dynamics of her childhood!

And then there's that whole thing of the witches/wizards calling non-magical people "muggles"... Not endearing!

fabricfanatic · 04/12/2021 20:20

And not to be pedantic watch me be pedantic but Harry Potter is not her step-child. He's her nephew.

It's clearly a lighthearted post, so why not take it that way? It has nothing to do with anything in the news!

TractorAndHeadphones · 04/12/2021 20:23

@fabricfanatic

If it weren't for the fact that she spoiled her son rotten to the core and treated her nephew like an unpaid servant, I'd be more sympathetic. Wink But yeah, I can see how she might have been a bit messed up by the family dynamics of her childhood!

And then there's that whole thing of the witches/wizards calling non-magical people "muggles"... Not endearing!

I always thought the point of her spoiling him rotten was because Lilly was the golden child Grin
Lagomtransplant · 04/12/2021 21:46

@TractorAndHeadphones

I never thought of that, but you're right....

OP posts:
whenwillthemadnessend · 04/12/2021 22:18

What sen did Harry have? He was in school till hogwarts and no mention. Unless you mean magic

LucyAutumn · 04/12/2021 22:27

I'm confused about the SEN too?

blacksax · 05/12/2021 14:17

@whenwillthemadnessend

What sen did Harry have? He was in school till hogwarts and no mention. Unless you mean magic
Well obviously. SEN = special educational needs. Hence Hogwarts.
Kanaloa · 05/12/2021 14:23

I don’t know if I’d call uncle Vernon ‘kind’ though! It’s sort of erased from the films but he cuffs Dudley about the head for messing about in the first book and aunt Petunia doesn’t seem like she can really stand up to him either.

But yes I can see why she was so bitter really. A bit like Filch. Imagine living in the world knowing others can do fantastic magical things and you’re off to the local comprehensive to read Jane Eyre. It would drive you a bit nuts. Or worse, Filch mopping up after all the magic kids. Why would you (in a world where you can magically do anything) have someone who can’t do magic doing all the hard cleaning of a huge huge castle?

sonjadog · 05/12/2021 14:33

Some of the characters' behaviour does seem to make a lot more sense when seen from their perspective in HP. Same with Draco and other Slytherins' attitudes to Harry. From the outside it must have seemed that Harry was always causing drama, he appeared to be Dumbledore's favourite, got special private lessons, and his house was always given preferential treatment so that they won the house cup.

ldontWanna · 05/12/2021 14:41

The issue is she didn't try and let her fear/resentment and her husband rule. The child she took in was neglected,ignored, slept in a cupboard, only had hand me downs, no presents for xmas or bdays and so on.

There was no love or care or attempt at doing so. That's why they are the bad guys. Their feelings are understandable and even reasonable, their actions aren't.

ClaudiaJ1 · 05/12/2021 14:56

get involved with a criminal organisation

Since when did James and Lily get involved in a criminal organisation?

insult everyone when tried to be reasoned with

Huh? Where is this in the books? Did I miss something?

but considerable SEN

Harry did not have any special educational 'needs', wtf are you getting this from?!??

Either I've forgotten a lot that was in the series, or you're engaging in dramatic licence in a fanfic sort of way. lol

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 05/12/2021 16:13

Aunt Petunia was jealous and bitter, took out her unresolved childhood issues on an orphan, and physically and emotionally neglected him.

I imagine her as quite a lonely old woman though. Even Dudley seemed to disagree with the way his parents viewed Harry towards the end.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 05/12/2021 16:19

Wish that they'd kept this scene in the film!

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