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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Selling your home to pay for your care in your old age

462 replies

BlueCarnation · 04/12/2021 14:47

Please explain why this is such an issue? I’m not from the UK but have worked and lived here for about 10 years. The amount of financial help the government provides is incredible and I’m still amazed by it after being here for so long. NHS, schools, SMP, different types of benefits, child credits etc. My country provides absolute no help like that for it’s residents.

One thing I can’t get my head around is the outrage people feel regarding paying for your own care when you’re older. A few weeks ago there was a news special where people were upset that their parents had to sell their homes to go into care. Surely that’s the point of years of hard work - so that when the time comes you have sufficient money? If I recall correctly, a woman said she would no longer be able to live in her mums house and would be homeless. Her mum was already in a care home but needed extra specialised care ( I think she had dementia) which government support was not enough for. The daughter said the house would need to be sold and her mum would have been devastated if she knew her home was being used to pay for her care. Why is that wrong or unfair?

Can you explain if you cannot live safely in your house anymore why shouldn’t the proceeds from your house sale be used to care for you until death? Why are adult children so up in arms at the thought of that? I don’t understand.

OP posts:
ronniz · 04/12/2021 18:02

It also doesn't make sense as people want their dc to inherit so they can buy a home. Does that mean the dc are feckless?

stairway · 04/12/2021 18:02

People buy a house for the enormous benefits living in your own house brings. Renting long term really sucks and it’s really costly people on this thread don’t get this!
No ones just buying a house in order to pay for care or even to give an inheritance.
People also seem to confuse medical care and care in general. Both cancer patients and dementia patients will get medical care. In fact hospitals are full of dementia patients receiving medical care. Both cancer and dementia patients will need to pay for their social care.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 04/12/2021 18:05

Because frankly many elderly people cannot look after themselves because of chronic health issues.my grandmother had end stage cancer.because she was old she went to a care home at her expense. Despite medical evidence giving her 3 months to live, a social worker overturned this and decided that she wasn't terminally ill.
She died within 3 weeks.
My own mum has sold her home and rents a retirement flat.ive mentally written off any inheritance.

Crankley · 04/12/2021 18:07

I agree OP. If I need to go into care, my house will be sold and I will move into the best place possible. I have no interest of being put in somewhere that smells of pee and cabbage.

Thursdaymiami · 04/12/2021 18:11

This thread is so depressing

Enzbear · 04/12/2021 18:11

Ronniz
"So you have problem with it going to those people but what about someone who gets it free because they are disabled & were unable to work?"
The disabled people that I and dh all know, all work or have worked, so no that's not who I was particularly thinking of. Try again

5128gap · 04/12/2021 18:12

@Enzbear

We will do anything to protect our assets and leave them to our dc and gdc. We have our main home as tenants in common, we will sell our two rentals once we recieve oap to spend on ourselves and give away. Our main home is worth quite a few hundred thousand so we are looking at setting up trusts but even that is no guarantee so failing that we will use equity release or if necessary live in a campervan/hotel until we need a care home. Anything but hand over all our assets to care that others, some of whom despite being capable, have never or barely worked get, for free on top of everything else. Hth
Do you want congratulations on your plans to commit benefit fraud?
ronniz · 04/12/2021 18:12

@Enzbear but how do you know who is worthy or not?

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 04/12/2021 18:13

Because I would like to be able to go to a British version of Dignitas when I no longer want to live, but I am not allowed to.

So why should I sell my house when I don't want to go in to a home and would rather die?

ronniz · 04/12/2021 18:14

And why does it matter that the disabled people you know worked or did work? There's a whole world outside your small circle!

tttigress · 04/12/2021 18:15

Because most British people are obsessed with houses and house prices!!

Enzbear · 04/12/2021 18:15

Your assumptions in your small mind ronniz

Fr0thandBubble · 04/12/2021 18:16

Completely agree with you, OP.

godmum56 · 04/12/2021 18:18

@Enzbear

We will do anything to protect our assets and leave them to our dc and gdc. We have our main home as tenants in common, we will sell our two rentals once we recieve oap to spend on ourselves and give away. Our main home is worth quite a few hundred thousand so we are looking at setting up trusts but even that is no guarantee so failing that we will use equity release or if necessary live in a campervan/hotel until we need a care home. Anything but hand over all our assets to care that others, some of whom despite being capable, have never or barely worked get, for free on top of everything else. Hth
might not be that easy www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/age-uk/documents/factsheets/fs40_deprivation_of_assets_in_social_care_fcs.pdf
sst1234 · 04/12/2021 18:18

Agree OP, everyone wants a free ride. Having other people pay to look after your parents while you take a nice inheritance when they die. People should be made to sell their homes to pay for care. Why should they get on pass in assets and have others pay for their care. Ridiculous.

wonkylegs · 04/12/2021 18:18

I completely agree that people are a bit weird about this and am in the process of selling my mums house to pay for her care. If she had moved anywhere else to live it wouldn't be in anyway questioned that she sell her house to pay for the move but the fact that she's moved into a care home means I get told how terrible that must be to have to do it.
The process has been complicated by my sister obstructing us at every turn because it's "her inheritance" and we cannot erode that.
I keep pointing out there is no inheritance until mum is dead and she's not dead yet so mums assets are still mums and will be used to make her life comfortable whilst she's still here.

MorganKitten · 04/12/2021 18:20

The problem is that if you don't own your own home or other assets, your care will be paid for by the government.

This isn’t true, if you are in care and get a pension they are entitled to take your full monthly pension/s minus £24, £29 if you’re lucky, a week.
The government will then top up the fees, they say if you have less than £18k in the bank you do t have to pay, they get round this by using your pension anyway.

sst1234 · 04/12/2021 18:22

@IamGusFring

Part of the problem is that people who scrounge all their lives , spend all their cash on whatever random stuff get looked after in their old age .at no cost to themselves .For those who scrimped and saved for a house it therefore seems like they are getting penalised when house is used to pay fees .
Also true. Some people go through life, only taking from the taxpayer. From the moment they are born to the moment they die.
Alicesweewonders · 04/12/2021 18:22

Absolutely this.

Alicesweewonders · 04/12/2021 18:24

@PurpleDaisies

It’s awful for social mobility. Rich people manage to hold on to their assets and pass them to their children. The entire value of poorer peoples houses goes on care.
Absolutely, this.
Squirrelblanket · 04/12/2021 18:24

It's because people have an obsession with inheritance, both giving and receiving.

I have an aunt who is retired and has no children. She was talking about financial planning so that there will be a nice sum to leave me one day and I said to her I think that's madness. It's her money and she should enjoy it and spend it!

I would happy to one day finance my own care with my own assets. I don't know why you wouldn't. Confused

fiftiesmum · 04/12/2021 18:26

If it was ruled that no one should go into the care home business with the idea of "making a profit out of looking after old people" then there would be no care homes. The money has to be borrowed to buy the building, furnish and equip it, pay staff, buy supplies - food, cleaning materials, PPE. Would a bank give a loan if people aren't planning to make some amount of profit.
Care homes are businesses same as most GP practices, dentists, pharmacies making money out of the sick and elderly and all with contracts with NHS or local authority.

Subbaxeo · 04/12/2021 18:32

@PinkiOcelot

Could be because some people don’t work a day in their lives therefore when they need care they get it free (benefits takes - £30 a week currently) whereas someone who has worked all their lives, struggled to pay their mortgage etc, paid their taxes has to sell their hard earned home to pay for care. Don’t see what is so hard to understand about that Unless of course you were being obtuse pretending not to know!!
This is quite offensive to be honest. Are you saying that only people who own houses work all their lives and pay taxes? The ratio of home ownership is decreasing and there are people who will never be able to afford their own house. People who rent work and pay taxes too.
Kennykenkencat · 04/12/2021 18:33

SpeckledHen266

Nobody in my family would have allowed my grandmother to go into home, I myself would have taken her in if it came down to it but it didn't. The issue is people don't want to care for their parents but also want the money

Have you looked after a family member with dementia
They don’t just sit in bed and you help them to the toilet, to wash and dress themselves and cook them breakfast lunch and dinner and you sit on their bed chatting till one day they fade away.

BIL stayed to help Dmil who was diagnosed with dementia and was struggling
He ended up losing his job as he couldn’t wfh and keep an eye on what she was up to or keep his work safe from her.
He was kept prisoner in the flat for weeks as mil didn’t want him to leave to do the shopping or just step outside for a breath of fresh air and even screamed like a banshee at the Tesco delivery driver as he had poisoned all the food.
Ultimately after 18 months it became too much when she became obsessed that the gas boiler was faulty and it was killing them. No amount of reassurances from the boiler maintenance men would have her believe the boiler was safe.

BIL even paid for a new boiler to be fitted.
When the men entered the flat to change the. boiler, convinced that they were there to kill them and despite her diminutive frame she attacked them. Kicking, scratching, screaming and jumping on them whist Bil tried to get her off them.

People use care homes because they can’t keep awake and alert 24/7. They can’t keep their relatives safe. They can’t keep other people safe from the relative

They don’t automatically use care homes because they can’t be arsed to look after a relative

MsJinks · 04/12/2021 18:41

It’s not all about trying not to pay. My mum is in her own house, loves it, I’m more than happy for it to be sold for care, currently only if she goes into a care home, under the new bill when she runs out of savings. However, we are up north and so selling it and using it till it runs out is an issue in that when it runs out she would be moved to a cheaper home, moving well known to curtail an elderly person’s life, at the least distress it. She is paying care of 425 a week but equally when savings run out she will only keep basic calls and lose the 2 check calls she has which they agree are necessary now, but apparently not when she’s run out of money. People do overlook those who have some money but aren’t super rich.
As she never knew she would have to pay through all her working and early retirement life then of course it is irritating her, she understood their NI covered it - it’s not about her relatives wanting a big inheritance it’s about her saddened her beloved home goes to the government unexpectedly to her.
Separately, am also fine to pay added NI and make sure folk are cared for but the new bill does disproportionately affect those with less expensive homes, which I find unfair - a percentage of value would have been better.

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