If you work FT, have small children, crap partner and no money, how do you cope?

[HousethatChunkbuilt]

I'm just exhausted. Everything feels too much.
I work full time outside of the home. Two DC's in primary, constant things on the go, constant washing, friends, family, guilt that I'm not really being present for anyone.
I had my works xmas do and just felt exhausted, I can't even make conversation. Then I go home, put on washing, wash up and now have to cut up sixty pieces of card for the craft fair tomorrow.
It's getting to the point where I just don't really think I enjoy anything. Even sitting in bed trying to sleep at 1am all I can think is that I should be up doing something. And that I should be feeling more guilty.
Partner tries but he is just as busy, just at tired and of course doesn't have the mental load that I do. I've tried to pass some of that on but he just doesn't listen or see why we need to do certain things.
Please have a moan in my moany mum pub with me!

Make a fair and reasonable list of things for partner to do daily, weekly. You shouldn't have to, but needs must. If he fails to do them you make arrangements to separate. Ditch any volunteering for the school. I helped out when my first 2 were at primary school (only working PT) but stopped completely when pregnant with DC3. No way could I cope with 3 DC, working and school stuff.

Would it be possible for you to send your husband out with the kids tomorrow? He could take them to something free or cheap with a picnic, or round to grandparents, other family or friends. What about a long walk near you / park / museum? All free and fun.

Use the day to get things done and rest. Have a nap, do a few jobs to make the coming week easier.

Obv this isn't a long term plan- a day out isn't going to solve all your problems but it's a start.

Is he just as busy on stuff that benefits the family tho?

Do a list and divide it up.

No money is relative- what do you mean? Actually no money or just some more would be nice?

Prioritise what needs to be done, have a clothes clear out so less washing.

Speak to partner about having more time for yourself.

Honest to god. I simply can’t believe someone writes and says they have no money and they get a response saying get a cleaner.

What privileged world do some people live in where having no money equates to being able to afford a cleaner? Wonder why the op didn’t think of that.

@Lasair

No money is relative- what do you mean? Actually no money or just some more would be nice?

Prioritise what needs to be done, have a clothes clear out so less washing.

Speak to partner about having more time for yourself.

If she meant more money would be nice but she’s plenty of spare cash she’d not habe written she’s no money would she?

Check your privalge.

@regularbutnamechangedd

Can you afford a Gousto box or some Cook frozen meal deliveries? They frequently save my arse.

As she said she's got no money I'm going to make a really wild assumption here that the answers no...

I think you need to ruthlessly cull unnecessary tasks and obligations from your life.

What's up with the craft fair? Is that for school or part of your work? Ditch that.

Are shuttling the kids around to hobbies at the expense of your own leisure time and mental health?

Most of all I think you should see your GP. A complete lack of enjoyment, feeling overwhelmed, being always tired, trouble sleeping, unable to manage day to day stuff- you could have depression. If you treated it you might be in a better headspace to deal with the practical stuff.

You have a job, two kids in school, a house to run. Not to diminish what you do or minimise your load but it's what a lot of people deal with, there isn't anything extraordinary in terms of the obligations you're describing. The things that jump out are how overwhelming you're finding it and how you've written off your partner as a resource. I think your problems won't improve unless you look deeper at those two things.

And agree with PPs- Mumsnet at its finest telling someone with 'no money' to get a cleaner and ready meals.

Expect this to be an unpopular opinion but my solution has been:

• have no more than 1 child
• study in-demand degree to get a well paid job - enables to outsource chores and tasks
• have a partner who takes on mental load

If above is too late/impossible to do, then would advise to just say 'no' more. No to work drinks, no to craft making, etc.

@lousanne

Expect this to be an unpopular opinion but my solution has been:

• have no more than 1 child
• study in-demand degree to get a well paid job - enables to outsource chores and tasks
• have a partner who takes on mental load

If above is too late/impossible to do, then would advise to just say 'no' more. No to work drinks, no to craft making, etc.

Um what do you expect her to do with her second child? Stuff them back in?

That's funny. That's exactly what i thought!

Yes, consider getting rid of partner, it's easier on your own than having a useless partner. Whatever you do with your partner, stop the craft stuff and lower your expectations, children will be fine with toastie/fish finger sandwich / ready made pizza a couple of times a week, only iron the essentials which would be none of your partners

@Bluntness100 read last paragraph.