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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BYO bedding

75 replies

Oneliner · 03/12/2021 21:26

My in-laws think it is normal to bring your own bedding when going to stay overnight at someone else's house. Their reasoning is that this saves the host the trouble of doing the laundry. I think this is nuts and have never come across it before. AIBU?

OP posts:
ISpyCobraKai · 03/12/2021 21:44

Fair enough I s'pose, but absolutely not the norm here.

Tay17 · 03/12/2021 21:46

We had lovely pet sitters who would stay at our house and they would bring their own bedding. We didn’t expect them to and would have been quite happy for them not to have but they said they did it at every house they stayed at.
I think they liked their own comforts.

underneaththeash · 03/12/2021 21:46

We do o a mix. I usually have 17 extra people on the 27th (not this year) abd don’t have enough duvets or pillows, so family drinking them.

SquirrelFan · 03/12/2021 21:48

Do many people really do this? I've never heard of this practice before mumsnet. It's just part of hosting - you have to do the sheets. I can understand if someone has allergies like a previous poster and wants to be sure the bedding is safe but that's the only circumstance I can think of (barring kids' sleepovers and sleeping bags) where someone might bring bedding. To be fair, most of our overnight visitors are from overseas, which would be a barrier to bringing a suitcase full of duvet!

Chloemol · 03/12/2021 21:50

I always take me own pillow as I have a bad neck

I once stayed with a ‘friend’ who expected us to bring our own, but would be happy not to to mine!

getsanta · 03/12/2021 21:52

My in-laws do this! Not just PILs but also SIL. I find it bizarre. I have to remind myself they are trying to help with laundry after they leave and not suggesting my bedding isn't clean enough.

stinkycheeseman · 03/12/2021 21:52

I would never ask. But would consider it a win if people did this. We should make it the norm. I prefer my bedding to anyone else's. They could stick on a bottom sheet and I could bring the rest. Better for the environment (if you are driving)

stinkycheeseman · 03/12/2021 21:52

I wish I could take my pillow on holiday.

SquirrelFan · 03/12/2021 21:53

Would it not increase the likelihood of spreading bedbugs?

DeepaBeesKit · 03/12/2021 21:54

My mother does this with towels.

I think it dates from a time when washing and drying all this stuff was a bigger ordeal - involving a laundromat maybe, and from her growing up relatively poorer, so having less spare bedding/towels than DH and I do.

delilahbucket · 03/12/2021 21:55

I'm very fussy about my duvet and pillows so would absolutely do this.

Fidgetty · 03/12/2021 21:57

Do you have pets/or are your ILs cleaning standards really high? My mum did this when I had a dog 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'm quite a clean person, my house was always neat and tidy and he was a non-shedding, tiny, frequently washed/groomed house dog who was never, ever in the guest room or upstairs at all for that matter, but she's an absolute clean freak who thinks having animals inside is revolting.

She made lots of excuses about only being able to sleep on her own pillows etc etc. but miraculously didn't need them when I no longer had my dog. I never said anything as it's just the way she is and I'd rather she was comfortable than freaking out!

WhenSepEnds · 03/12/2021 22:00

I would have thought this was rude? Never heard of it before

DeepaBeesKit · 03/12/2021 22:00

I usually have 17 extra people on the 27th

Blimey where on earth do you fit in 17 extra people over night?!!

bluetowers · 03/12/2021 22:02

I like taking my ownSmile

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 22:04

I do this. A lot of people have their spare rooms just so, but the duvet is one that's so hot and heavy it pins you to the bed, and the pillows are too soft/hard.
So we always take our pillows and our light duvet. And it does mean that the host only has to wash sheets.

MrsMcCluskeysCat · 03/12/2021 22:04

@underneaththeash

We do o a mix. I usually have 17 extra people on the 27th (not this year) abd don’t have enough duvets or pillows, so family drinking them.
I think the max we have had is 13 (with one double spare bed), bravo to you!
MrsMcCluskeysCat · 03/12/2021 22:09

I also think it very much depends on family attitudes to staying in B&B's and hotels when visiting each other. This would be unheard of in my family (and some family members would probably go as far to say it is rude), so for big family occasions every squeezes in no matter how cramped, but it's a good laugh and some of my best memories growing up. In this case a lot of bedding is needed so it's a given that guests bring it!

I remember when one of my cousins got married and his wife started coming for Xmas she was horrified at the fact no one booked hotels, but she has got used to it now.

rainyskylight · 03/12/2021 22:14

It’s not “normal” but it can be considerate to offer. It makes more sense for very close family and friends when you’re not being “hosted”. I’ve done it when I’ve gone to visit and the host has had serious stuff going on - I’ve come to be a help not create more work.

In general, I’m also the type to strip the bed. They’ve gone to the trouble to make it so it’s the least I can do to strip it and collect towels together etc.

peboh · 03/12/2021 22:16

I don't see the harm. I wouldn't be offended or anything. Maybe they like specific materials and sleep better with their own bedding.
I often take towels when I'm staying at others houses, I know it's not common, but I have eczema and don't always get on with certain fabrics, detergents etc so it's just best for me to provide my own. If I didn't sleep in full length pyjamas I'd potentially take my own bedding too to prevent any flare ups.

EatYourVegetables · 03/12/2021 22:18

Do you also bring your own plates and cutlery to eat with, and then take them home dirty to save the hosts the job of washing up?

ChampagneLassie · 03/12/2021 22:18

Totally never heard of this being a thing. Im quitefussy about my bedding though so I'm totally going to do this going forward and position it as saving host effort!

MrsMcCluskeysCat · 03/12/2021 22:18

@EatYourVegetables

Do you also bring your own plates and cutlery to eat with, and then take them home dirty to save the hosts the job of washing up?
No because I would expect they have enough extras as they aren't difficult to store.
fizzybootlace · 03/12/2021 22:19

I take my own pillow when going by car, but my mum also brings her own bedding when she stays with us as she says she sleeps better and saves me the washing! I don't have a problem with it, if she's happier, my life is easier!!!

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2021 22:20

@EatYourVegetables

Do you also bring your own plates and cutlery to eat with, and then take them home dirty to save the hosts the job of washing up?
ConfusedNo because plates are plates. And cutlery is cutlery. They won’t be the wrong tog or too heavy or just uncomfortable.
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