Casual Fatphobia

[crochetmonkey74]

Chatting with a nice colleague today who I've known for many years. She has a new boyfriend and so do I so we were chatting. She said "ooh it will be soon be time to shave your legs and get new underwear" lots of nice joking. Then she said that a famous underwear place has a good sale, and she'd got some new bits, and I should look. Them she followed up with "theyve got all sizes" She is a slim woman so she was clearly trying to reassure me I wouldn't be too fat for the stuff. But you know when it just brings you up short and you think "Is that what you see me as?" I have another friend who does this occasionally too. Despite her being a 16 and me an 18 so not a huge amount of difference (for the record this is definitely said in the way that I am much bigger than her)
Don't know what I'm asking really, maybe just for a bit of solidarity for the 'sting' of it

I don't think that sounds fatphobic OP

In which case... Apologies, I started to reply & got waylaid, so missed the other responses

I do think “casual fat phobia” is a thing, just as causal racism, sexism etc exists. The trouble is this then leads to people becoming v sensitive to comments, is it sexist? is it racist? Is it fat phobic? If people experience these things regularly it makes them view things in a different way so even if comments are said innocently with no malice then the comments can be filtered through years of discrimination and hurt to mean something different to the person hearing the comment.

If you were really tall, would you not appreciate someone letting you know that the shop will cater for your size?

I'm short (and chubby) and would appreciate being told a store does a petite range.

I know is more stigma associated with weight but being tall/short is not an entirely value free judgement area either.

I can't imagine discussing underware with a colleage (largely because as a size 18 I would avoid getting anywhere near the topic) - but if I did, and someone that was size 10/12 reccomended a shop, I definitely wouldn't investigate without the backup comment that they "do all sizes" - so no, I don't think she was being rude/fatphobic.

The size 16 friend on the other hand - probably is, but v self connscious of her own size.