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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up of teaching - I made a mistake I think

61 replies

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 15:06

Got a complaint from a student last week on Friday so spent all weekend upset and thinking of it (I suffer anxiety and depression so very usual response for me). I spoke to student in my return as it was a silly misunderstanding snd nothing too important (I didn’t tell her about a homework task). I showed said student where this information was then explained to her that her complaint made to headteacher upset me and next time could she speak time. Complaint was obviously written by parent as a 12 year old wouldn’t write words like “teacher is incompetent” etc. I thought issue was resolved then I’ve had another complaint from the parent saying I made the child upset by talking to her abs how dare I speak to her. I’m so fed up feel like quitting. This is not the only thing it’s just last straw

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Original poster

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 15:06

Apologies for typos

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Original poster

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 15:09

Sorry trying to quickly do this before meeting so not clear - I did in fact give the homework task but student did not see it. Got meeting soon what shall I say?

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confuseddotcom1234 · 02/12/2021 15:22

To sounds like the parent is being ridiculous, did the student just use it as a way to get out of doing the homework? Can you chat to any colleagues who teach this student and find out if parent does this sort of thing often? I would just explain to the head it was a misunderstanding about homework and you wanted to make sure the student knew wheee to look for another time. Good luck

xILikeJamx · 02/12/2021 15:27

Sound's like it could be the parent not getting the entire story from the child - possibly child leaving out facts so as not to get into trouble about not doing homework. Coupled with an entitled parent that think's they're clever.

Sort of thing I used to do all the time at school, except my mum wasn't a nob.

taylorwilde · 02/12/2021 15:37

Sorry you're going through this. You have every right to speak to a student about an issue they've raised. This really sounds like a nightmare helicopter parent and I hope the school supports you in this matter.

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. Teaching can be a very challenging profession. It's almost the end of term, you might feel better after a rest over Christmas. I'm sure the vast majority of your students very much appreciate all you do!

Tal45 · 02/12/2021 15:50

If you knew the parent made the complaint then I think it was very unfair to tell the student that her complaint upset you - even if she had made the complaint I don't think this was the right thing to say, it is important that students feel they can speak up and it was just a misunderstanding on her part. Asking her to speak to you if she has a problem is fine but not laying the emotional stuff on her. The parent though is obviously very rude and unreasonable to say things like that and I can understand why it upset you, I just don't think you dealt with it in the best way.

I think you should consider taking a bit of time off on sick leave to try to get your anxiety and depression better controlled as you sound so unhappy. In the mean time though I would let them ask the questions and just answer them honestly.

Original poster

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 15:51

Parent is known as a serial complainer. Think I messed up as I told the student her email upset me.

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Original poster

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 15:54

Student is known for lying too but school always minimises this

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Aquamarine1029 · 02/12/2021 15:57

No matter what you do, you're always going to encounter difficult people.

Atemyhat · 02/12/2021 20:55

Well, 3 things meant with kindness:

You are not unreasonable to be upset about the complaints. Parent sounds like a piece of work.

You were unreasonable to tell the student she upset you with the complaint. Your feelings are not the child’s business or responsibility, you shouldn’t have put that on her.

You sound like you might have too thin a skin for teaching. You sound like a lovely caring and conscientious person. But teaching is a brutal place for the emotionally fragile.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 02/12/2021 20:58

If you are that anxious/sad over a minor complaint then I would reconsider if this is the right job for you.

I wouldn’t tell a student their parents email to me upset me… a. Most kids wouldn’t give a shit b. I wouldn’t give a shit c. It’s unprofessional

Hankunamatata · 02/12/2021 20:59

You need to grow your rhino hide

De88 · 02/12/2021 21:04

Is it possibly not the right school (in terms of support you get and as you mention, there are other things) rather than not the right profession?

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/12/2021 21:07

Teaching is hard - but it is odd and not appropriate that you told a 12 year old child that her comment upset you - A) it's not your student's job to carry your stress and B) as you say you knew the comment came from her parent. The parents' original complaint sounds ridiculously OTT, but they have a point re your subsequent complaining to their daughter.

You sound very anxious and very young. Can you get some support from the school, and also try and arrange some help eg CBT to manage your thought processes. Teaching is a stressful profession, but so are most professions so you do need to learn to manage your emotions better.

Original poster

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 21:08

*If you are that anxious/sad over a minor complaint then I would reconsider if this is the right job for you.

I wouldn’t tell a student their parents email to me upset me… a. Most kids wouldn’t give a shit b. I wouldn’t give a shit c. It’s unprofessional*

The email was sent to the HEADTEACHER about ME! My point was to the student she should have come to me directly rather than make a complaint. In schools complaints made to headteacher are treated seriously and logged whereas if email was sent to myself it even my HOD it would be a different scenario and I wouldn’t have had any reaction apart from helping her to find where I put the stuff. Do you not realise how awkward it is imagine a customer emailing CEO of company bad mouthing you for a really minor thing.

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esloquehay · 02/12/2021 21:10

I sincerely hope your subject is not English Language.

Original poster

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 21:11

My post not clear sorry. In my OP line 8 I’ve tried to explain but not clearly - the email was sent to HEADTEACHER directly complaining about ME. I was then obviously spoken to by leadership team. The student could just have directly spoken to me or my direct HOD but she went to headteacher so it became a formal and awkward situation which could be used against me in my performance management.

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OnceuponaRainbow18 · 02/12/2021 21:12

@Anoabc1

In that case I would email the head explaining that I had set the homework and I will show student X where the homework is and I wouldn’t give it another thought

Original poster

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 21:14

I sincerely hope your subject is not English Language.

That’s very rude. If you must know I’m an art teacher with dyslexia. Any more insults?

I’m going to ask mumsnet to take this down as I’m feeling this will not be supportive.

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YourenutsmiLord · 02/12/2021 21:16

Well I would be looking around for something else you can put your qualifications to. Teaching sounds thankless.

Atemyhat · 02/12/2021 21:16

@Anoabc1

*If you are that anxious/sad over a minor complaint then I would reconsider if this is the right job for you.

I wouldn’t tell a student their parents email to me upset me… a. Most kids wouldn’t give a shit b. I wouldn’t give a shit c. It’s unprofessional*

I assume you are newly qualified?

This sort of thing happens all the time. You can’t go around expecting parents and students and even other staff to be reasonable all the time! They will quite frequently treat you very unfairly and that’s not right, or reasonable, but it’s reality, and it’s the same for all teachers.
You can’t go taking everything seriously. You have to develop a sense of humour and the ability to roll your eyes, shrug your shoulders and move on.

You getting wound up about this is a bigger problem than forgetting some homework. The headteacher knows this. He/She won’t give a shit about poxy homework but if you start being all insecure and thin skinned about things, that will count against you more.

Original poster

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 21:18

@Atemyhat that’s good advice thank you. I just couldn’t help it though. I spend all my free time helping students especially the one that made complaint against me! She sees me often so I couldn’t understand the need for a formal email to head when the issue would have been resolved in a 2 minute conversation with me.

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Kitkatchunkyplease · 02/12/2021 21:19

I think when there's a young person who is known for lying, who has made a complaint, you did make mistake in speaking to her about the complaint. It's not worth the head space in that sense. Personally I would ring the parent but you could ask line manager to do so.
I think it's easy to focus on the children and parents who complain or feel aggrieved- but try to focus on all the young people who are grateful for what you're doing, it can help.

OppsUpsSide · 02/12/2021 21:19

I think your Head is a bit of a dick, the parent is complaining that their child can’t find the homework… I don’t think my Head would even bother me with this, especially from a serial complainer.

Original poster

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 21:20

Others in school have had issues with same person and I feel there was more to it than just the reason stated. It’s like she takes pleasure getting teachers into trouble!

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