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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up of teaching - I made a mistake I think

61 replies

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 15:06

Got a complaint from a student last week on Friday so spent all weekend upset and thinking of it (I suffer anxiety and depression so very usual response for me). I spoke to student in my return as it was a silly misunderstanding snd nothing too important (I didn’t tell her about a homework task). I showed said student where this information was then explained to her that her complaint made to headteacher upset me and next time could she speak time. Complaint was obviously written by parent as a 12 year old wouldn’t write words like “teacher is incompetent” etc. I thought issue was resolved then I’ve had another complaint from the parent saying I made the child upset by talking to her abs how dare I speak to her. I’m so fed up feel like quitting. This is not the only thing it’s just last straw

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 02/12/2021 21:20

In schools complaints made to headteacher are treated seriously and logged

Are they? In my school complaints to the headteacher about petty homework issues would be forwarded straight to the HOD and the head wouldn't even see them.

Some parents don't know that in secondary school you do not bother the head with crap like that.

If the parent is known for being a pain in the arse, then even less reason to be concerned.

TellMeDinosaurFacts · 02/12/2021 21:21

You are getting a really hard time here OP. It is completely understandable that you're upset by a complaint to the Headteacher about you. You're not 'too soft' to be a teacher, like some people are implying, but you do need to be kind to yourself and ideally find someone at school to debrief you for reassurance. Have you got a supportive manager somewhere up the line (HoD or similar) to chat to about it?

ldontWanna · 02/12/2021 21:21

@Anoabc1

I sincerely hope your subject is not English Language.

That’s very rude. If you must know I’m an art teacher with dyslexia. Any more insults?

I’m going to ask mumsnet to take this down as I’m feeling this will not be supportive.

Pointing out you made a mistake in how you handled it is not unsupportive. You need to know how to handle it next time. Because there will always be a next time.

In this example You show the head/SLT that homework was set, where ,when and how the child could access (and the fact that 29 other kids did)it then let them deal with it. That's it. You didn't do the "thing" , you can't be held responsible for it. If you wanted to be proactive , you could've said to the child "I understand you had some issues finding your homework, here's where it is and how to find it. Next time feel free to ask or email me if you have any more issues." That's it. No need to mention complaints, or how upset you were. Your way obviously didn't work and escalated the situation, so getting and listening (not necessarily to me) some advice with how to deal with things in the future is a good thing, even if it's not what you want to hear.

happytoday73 · 02/12/2021 21:21

Some people/parents are like this... You did nothing wrong... Brush it off and move on...
Its not worth any head space.. Don't justify it with any

Jerrysgonnabeacableboy · 02/12/2021 21:22

This is why I couldn't be a teacher. I do not have a thick skin and it would break my spirit within one term.

CallmeHendricks · 02/12/2021 21:24

@Anoabc1

I sincerely hope your subject is not English Language.

That’s very rude. If you must know I’m an art teacher with dyslexia. Any more insults?

I’m going to ask mumsnet to take this down as I’m feeling this will not be supportive.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Although there have been some supportive posters here (bearing in mind it's AIBU), you might be better off posting in the Staffroom section, as everyone there works in a school and will better understand your position.

Original poster

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 21:25

@CallmeHendricks thank you. You’re right there are some supportive posts on here for me to focus on.

OP posts:

TopCatsTopHat · 02/12/2021 21:26

The parent has massively over-reacted and of course you are going to be blind-sided having this coming through the Head. Some people just seem to mansge to throw friction into everything and go through life like human sand paper just roughing up everyone they scrape past - sounds like this parent is in that area of attitude and child is doesn't know any better.
Take heart, it's not you it's them. Pity your head isn't more supportive - but I think other schools would be - maybe this school is a bit too quick to believe everything a parent says. That doesn't mean you need to throw away a good career - you sound like a great teacher.

DoctorSnortles · 02/12/2021 21:26

It’s a tricky job, for sure. If you got something minor wrong and the Head was emailed and it has really upset you, go and have a chat with the Head and admit you made a mistake but explain it’s sorted. Be calm about it.

Be aware going forward that in teaching we tell the students it’s important to get things wrong so they can learn, however teachers are expected, by students, parents, SLT, HoF, colleagues and admin/site staff to get absolutely everything right the first time. That’s where the pressure comes from. We’re all one 30 second learning walk away from being in the shit.

Maybe they should put that on their fancy recruitment ads.

MasterGland · 02/12/2021 21:27

You have to toughen up, OP. Your mistake here was telling the student you were upset. Never let a student know you are upset/angry with them. To survive in teaching you have to treat it like any other job; go in, teach, mark and go home. If the complaint is unreasonable then treat it as such and move on.

Atemyhat · 02/12/2021 21:28

Yes I can see you are very emotionally invested in your work, which in many ways is great! And great that you care about your students. But. You have to remember that it’s not personal. Don’t you remember being a child / teen? The teachers didn’t really seem like actual people with lives and emotions and families and problems of their own did they? When you are treated badly (and it will happen a lot) just remember it’s not personal - what do they know anyway. If your headteacher is decent they’ll know that too. They’ve all learnt to “smile and nod” at these parents who get frothed up over nothing. Same with any public facing professional. Police, nurses, social workers. All take tonnes of crap. Next time just let it run off your back and move on.

Marynotsocontrary · 02/12/2021 21:28

OP, I think it was okay to try to get the parent to talk to you, not the headteacher, next time. However, you should really have spoken to the parent directly if you wanted to communicate your upset about the matter. It's nothing a 12 year old student should be dealing with.
The original complaint was a thing of nothing, just a misunderstanding.

Original poster

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 21:29

Thank you all. I wish I had asked for advice before I spoke to her! But also I need to be less self critiquing and focus on that the parent and student created the issue and I tried to resolve it and tried to ensure it doesn’t happen again but it blew in my face.

OP posts:

Marynotsocontrary · 02/12/2021 21:32

Sorry, I put that badly. I understand it was very upsetting for you to be reported to the headteacher, but I don't think the incident would have been taken at all seriously once you explained the situation.

Marynotsocontrary · 02/12/2021 21:33

Sorry, cross posted

Backtomyoldname · 02/12/2021 21:36

I tried to work on the premise that if most children did most of what I’d asked them to do most of the time then things were ok!

Emails like this do sting but….

It’s the weekend soon.

The serially complaining parent and their dishonest child will soon find their birds coming home to roost - with no one to complain to or about.

Some heads might mention it to you just so that can bat the next email away, others mention it to HOY/HOD just so they’ve a better picture.

What happened/didn’t happen doesn’t sound to be a hanging offence.

WhiskersPete · 02/12/2021 21:37

I'm surprised your head teacher even gave this complaint the time of day.

Should have been referred straight to your HoD or ignored.

Very strange.

Shownaphoto · 02/12/2021 21:38

I wouldn’t care a jot about missed homework complaints but I do think the handling of it would ring some alarm bells, to be honest.

I’m not trying to be unsupportive, but that’s a big safeguarding no - no.

Curioushorse · 02/12/2021 21:39

Hullo! Who is helping you deal with this? I used to deal with stressful things like this by myself all the time......

....and then I got promoted and realised some parents are in fact just a bit nuts. I would NOT want one of my members of staff to be going home worrying about this issue. I would be wanting to get the parent in and discuss channels of communication etc. If you're stressed, and this an ongoing issue with the parent, then ask for support. Tell someone. I'd want to support you- because you're not the problem here. Trust me, when I was in SLT it's cheaper (and more effective) to support existing teachers than have to get new ones in because they've quit!

Original poster

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 21:42

I didn’t want to make it too outing so I changed the age of child. She is actually much older and having known her for all those years it really upset me that it’s obviously done to make me look bad. They have a younger sibling that just joined whom I don’t teach thank goodness! But others have told me they’ve had complaints made. It was just really bizarre why the need to send such a long and lengthy email. Anyways I do need to let it go snd move on. If I had know. The student a few years i would have felt different. I don’t know maybe I’m just tired from this term.

OP posts:

Ciaobaby92 · 02/12/2021 21:42

OP, you are only human, and what's done is done. You can't change anything at this point. If it were me, I would apologize and then let them know my response was the result of anxiety, due to x, y, and z factors. I think you just need to be honest and let the chips fall where they may. It's by far not the worst thing a teacher ever did

Original poster

Anoabc1 · 02/12/2021 21:44

@Curioushorse thank you. It’s really made me feel better. I have zero support. There is no union in the school either to chat to.

OP posts:

Shownaphoto · 02/12/2021 21:44

@Anoabc1 - but you really can’t be telling students of any age not to complain about you because it upsets you.

That’s just really not appropriate at all. I get that it’s upsetting when you get complaints, we have all been there, but that is not how to handle it.

Ciaobaby92 · 02/12/2021 21:47

@Ciaobaby92

BTW I mean be honest with work about why you responded the way you did, I would not share your stresses with the student or their family, just to be clear.

MissCruellaDeVil · 02/12/2021 21:50

Teaching definitely isn't for the faint of heart, however you cannot let these complaints get to you!

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