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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please help

30 replies

Allaboutthefood · 02/12/2021 04:27

I'm freaking out. I've not slept. I've had the odd night of insomnia since DC2 was born but it's the worst it has been and I feel the panic getting overwhelming. I need to talk to someone. I have to look after 2 DCs on my own tomorrow on no sleep. What am I going to do? Am I heading for a mental breakdown? I am incapable of sleeping. What am I going to do? My children deserve better

OP posts:
Original poster
Allaboutthefood · 02/12/2021 04:29

I've eaten all the right foods today, have done yoga, meditation, hypnosis. Nothing is working. I have lavender essential oil, have tried to listen to something funny, something boring. I don't want to have a panic attack

OP posts:
Wombatstew · 02/12/2021 04:31

Ah, nothing worse than not being able to get to sleep when the pressures on. If I wake up in the night and can’t get back off I usually take a paracetamol and for some reason it usually works. Or if I try to focus on an audio book it sends me off too.

BetsyBigNose · 02/12/2021 04:33

Deep breaths. Do the 5 things exercise...:

Look around you. Find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

You need to take control of this situation. Make an appointment to see your GP in the morning and talk it through with them, hopefully they will have some ideas of things to help.

I'm an insomniac too, it's crap, I'm sorry.

Wombatstew · 02/12/2021 04:33

Sorry cross posted, I see you have already tried listening to something boring. I’ve had a couple of panic attacks before they are frightening, I need something to take my mind of it.

ThinWomansBrain · 02/12/2021 04:39

I find that taking Nytol helps when I can't sleep - the blue antihistamine one, not the herbal version.
GP reccomended it when they were cutting back on prescribing sleeping tablets - I used to take about 8-10 a year and they were concerned about long term addiction Confused.
I don't take them frequently - but they're brilliant for breaking a pattern of sleepnessless when you can't get to sleep because you're stressed that you won't be able to sleep.
Take one about an hour before you're about to go to bed.
Also, cut back on caffeine - it has an after-life of about eight hours, so ideally don't have any after midday, stopping just from the evening less likely to work.

Figmentofmyimagination · 02/12/2021 04:40

No matter how tired you are, you will still be able to find the Adrenalin to get through the day. Our bodies are extraordinary things and you will catch up on the lost sleep. Get up and do something different - preferably not screen based. I can’t talk - in the kitchen with a chamomile tea in mumsnet while everyone else is fast asleep upstairs. Try not to worry. It will pass.

DoucheCanoe · 02/12/2021 04:41

Try to breath through the panic and focus on your thoughts to see what is bothering you, write them down in bullet form if needs be then try to push them aside to deal with tomorrow.

Easier said than done I know but I was told to do this when I was diagnosed with anxiety and associated insomnia. Writing it down helped as it gave me something practical to do and meant that I knew I wouldn't forget so didn't have to hold on to it. It's amazing what seems like a big deal at night means absolutely nothing during the day!

Another thing I found useful is try to ground your thoughts by focusing on something mundane that needs you to think - I go through the alphabet listing names, movies, bands etc but it's a similar method to counting sheep so whatever works for you. This helps to distract and tire your brain out.

Call your GP if this is a persistent issue, they might be able to offer some advice and/or medication to help. Sleep deprivation is tough!

LuvMyBoyz · 02/12/2021 04:46

What gets me through is recognising that sleep is just another form of rest, so as long as you are resting your energy is being restored to some extent. Sleep is obviously the BEST type of rest but lying quietly and focussing on your breath, or listening to something soothing will still work.. So try to calm down and still your thoughts and be confident that resting now will help you through your day.

MinnieJackson · 02/12/2021 07:52

I was really close to a full blown panic attack at a hospital appointment yesterday walking down a million corridors away from the exits. People think I'm mad and maybe I am, but I just start singing. Can you put a song on you love and sing really loud if you feel panic coming on. I find it easier than thinking about my breathing as it always makes me worse and it naturally regulates it.
The song I sang was the last one on the radio, I wish it could be Christmas everyday, but unfortunately I was really anxious and got stuck on that bloody stupid line ' when the snowman brings the snow ' so continued to sing that line while trying to remember the words Blush still worked though

TeeBee · 02/12/2021 08:00

Oh goodness. I feel your pain. I've been exactly where you are.
Is there anybody who can give you a day off so you can prioritise sleep? A grandparent/partner/friend? You will like a different person after a good nights sleep. Insomnia is hideous.
Would second the Nytol but they can leave you feeling drowsy. Have you ever tried melatonin? Has the same effect on sleeping for me but no morning hangover. It's a godsend. It somehow just kicks my sleep back into a decent pattern again. It doesn't work for everyone. Failing that, go and get something from your GP. You need some sleep.

akaisnsouaj · 02/12/2021 08:29

OP go and see your GP today. I had this after my second, didn't get help ended up with insomnia, PND and anxiety. The GP gave me sleeping tablets to get me back on track (in the end I only took one and then switched to milder nytol which you can buy from the pharmacy.)

Fleshmechanic · 02/12/2021 09:16

Talk to your doctor straight away. Depending on their age, have a sofa, movie and snacks day today. Rest and close your eyes at least so they don't hurt and just try and enjoy that even if you can't actually fall asleep.

Original poster
Allaboutthefood · 02/12/2021 09:35

Thank you. I got an hour of broken sleep in the early hours. I called GP and can't have an appointment until Monday. I feel like I might have a breakdown before the end of the day. I'm shallow breathing and my chest is so tight. I don't even feel that tired I'm just wired. Just trying to keep a panic attack at bay.

I'm crying as if I need to go down the medication route I'll have to stop breastfeeding and I feel like I'm failing my baby. I'm failing both children, my toddler is being absolutely adorable and he has a useless mum. What a dark place to be.

OP posts:
Lottie2shoes · 02/12/2021 09:45

Aww. Bless you. By even thinking this, you are doing the best as you can for them. It shows you care and that is what your kids need the most. Most bad mums do not even think about their kids.
I cannot advise on panic attacks as I do not get them so would not be much help. Hopefully someone with experience will come along. Just try not to overthink. Easier said than done I know. But deal with problems if and when they come. Also know that you are doing your best and be proud. Lack of sleep is hard on mental health, it exacerbates anxiety so please try to get some rest somehow. Hopefully you will feel better after some restful sleep.

SelfHelpPlease · 02/12/2021 09:46

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. So frustrating you can't get a doctors apt today. Do you have any support around you, someone that can come and watch your children while you lay in bed?

You are NOT a bad mother !

EasyLikeSundays · 02/12/2021 09:49

You need to call the GP back and explain further how you feel. You need to be seen today this sounds like PND and anxiety and you need help. Is there anyone who can have the kids today? Where is their father? Any grandparents or other family or friends?

Lottie2shoes · 02/12/2021 09:53

Also what I want to say is I had the same issue with the breastfeeding route. My last baby drank every hour or so and they would not drink directly either so I was pumping in between. So would have no rest etc. But I didn't want to stop breastfeeding. But like you I felt I was heading for a breakdown. It was the hardest decision to stop the breastfeeding as I felt I was doing something bad for my baby. ( I think the lack of sleep and feeling emotional added into this)
I finally did because I realised I could not continue for my own mental health.
It was the best decision for me as I realised the baby needed a healthy and emotionally well mother than to be breastfed.
Nothing wrong with being formula fed at all.
Obviously breast is best but sometimes it does not work out for whatever reason and formula is the way to go.
I wish I had someone tell me this at the time.
Best of luck.
Wish you well

Original poster
Allaboutthefood · 02/12/2021 09:56

Dad is here but working from home with lots of high stake commitments today. But at least he is around.

No family or support they are abroad which is probably what's triggered all this, knowing that even if I really do need them they may not be able to come the way covid is going. Feeling like all the pressure is on my shoulders. I just laid down with toddler watching TV and within 5 misn baby was up again needing me. Its impossible.

Do you think there is something the GP could help with today if I insisted? If all there is is medication I'll need to get my baby onto a bottle first which may take a few days anyway. Just ordered some bottles online.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allaboutthefood · 02/12/2021 09:58

Thank you so much @lottie2shoes. So sad though as I really enjoy breastfeeding and she has made it so easy only feeding every 3 hours in day and going long stretches at night. She's my last baby and I'm so upset this will all be ruined and I will miss out on these precious moments

OP posts:
EasyLikeSundays · 02/12/2021 09:59

@Allaboutthefood

Dad is here but working from home with lots of high stake commitments today. But at least he is around.

No family or support they are abroad which is probably what's triggered all this, knowing that even if I really do need them they may not be able to come the way covid is going. Feeling like all the pressure is on my shoulders. I just laid down with toddler watching TV and within 5 misn baby was up again needing me. Its impossible.

Do you think there is something the GP could help with today if I insisted? If all there is is medication I'll need to get my baby onto a bottle first which may take a few days anyway. Just ordered some bottles online.

I dont know but you need some help sooner. Sorry but unless your husband is a brain surgeon he needs to take over a bit today. Have you actually told him how you feel like how you've explained it on here?
Original poster
Allaboutthefood · 02/12/2021 10:01

2 days ago I had 8 hours sleep and was walking around feeling so happy and like the luckiest mum in the world. Is there hope this could be temporary and go away as quickly as it came on? The insomnia has happened on and off before but usually only for a couple of hours and never more than for a couple of days before it got better. Had never had a fully sleepless night though.

OP posts:
EasyLikeSundays · 02/12/2021 10:01

@Allaboutthefood

Thank you so much *@lottie2shoes*. So sad though as I really enjoy breastfeeding and she has made it so easy only feeding every 3 hours in day and going long stretches at night. She's my last baby and I'm so upset this will all be ruined and I will miss out on these precious moments
You're being over emotional and catastrophising - thats the anxiety speaking. Once you speak to a GP there might be other options where you don't need to give up breast feeding. Really feel for you OP as I've felt like this when my little one was born and it was PND, GP was very good though and got me sorted.
Original poster
Allaboutthefood · 02/12/2021 10:19

Definitely catastrophising. My baby has been so happy and chilled since birth and never cries, I'm now convinced I've damaged them as they can tell I'm a mess and they'll now be really unsettled and damaged for life.

When I picked up baby I burst into tears and DH didn't even look up from his screen. I know he is stressed and he doesn't need this right now. Such bad timing

OP posts:
Xmassprout · 02/12/2021 10:25

Is it one sleepless night you've had?

Sleep deprivation is awful, it really plays with your head. It may have just been one night, so there's absolutely no need to jump straight to medication and stopping breastfeeding. Sometimes it goes away just as quickly as it comes. Being stressed can make it worse although I appreciate that not being able yo sleep is a major cause of stress.

I've had far too much experience with insomnia. The only time I've had medication is once when I was so exhausted I was hallucinating

EasyLikeSundays · 02/12/2021 10:27

@Allaboutthefood

Definitely catastrophising. My baby has been so happy and chilled since birth and never cries, I'm now convinced I've damaged them as they can tell I'm a mess and they'll now be really unsettled and damaged for life.

When I picked up baby I burst into tears and DH didn't even look up from his screen. I know he is stressed and he doesn't need this right now. Such bad timing

Omg OP!!! Stop it!! You are doing nothing wrong, your kids are fine and you are doing great. Why are you letting your DH get away with this, you need to prioritise yourself today. He can phone his boss and explain. Men don't get to opt out of parenting regardless of work when there is an emergency and your state of mind right now is an emergency. Have you called the GP back yet?