Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still like presents at Christmas for myself?

36 replies

giraffes2021 · 01/12/2021 22:16

So me and DP having a discussion tonight about Christmas presents for each other

He's of the opinion that if we want something we normally do buy it ourselves so there's no need to do presents anymore? We have two small children so yes whilst I agree that it's mainly about them I still like getting gifts for one and other!

It's probably the only time of year where it's something thoughtful and I still like presents like for me it's not something you might need or want but it's a gift ?

My thoughts are we put all our energy into the kids as it is what about still making an effort for your relationship?

I am probably going to get hammered for this post but wondering what everyone's thoughts are!

OP posts:
Santaischeckinglists · 01/12/2021 22:18

Me and dh just do each other a stocking - so small gifts only. Really takes the pressure off us at Christmas.. Lots of dc to buy for. We spend theat cash on food treats for the whole family instead..

Katyrosebug · 01/12/2021 22:18

I'm with you. What are his reasons?

Original poster
giraffes2021 · 01/12/2021 22:19

@Katyrosebug his reasons are that we don't need anything and it's a waste of money.

But you could say that about the whole of Christmas!

OP posts:
Excited101 · 01/12/2021 22:23

I’m exactly the same op, I put so much effort into the presents I buy for everyone, it’s lovely to have even a tiny bit of that back

HardbackWriter · 01/12/2021 22:25

Aside from it not being very nice for you to get nothing for Christmas, it's also quite a horrible/potentially spoiling message to give the children if they get loads of presents and their parents open nothing. You want to model giving and receiving, surely?

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2021 22:26

I also agree with you, we go to town a little bit and spend quite a lot on each other. Sure we can buy things for ourselves as we want them, but there is always something it’s lovely to get and you’d not buy yourself.

Plus it’s nice to give gifts. This year my husband wants a new Apple Watch, I am very happy to buy him it. He will be very happy to receive it. He will buy something for me of the same valueish, we don’t keep score, it costs what it costs, I just haven’t decided what I want yet. Which is resulting in him and my daughter harrasing me to decide. 😃

SelfHelpPlease · 01/12/2021 22:27

You are not being unreasonable. Does he buy you presents for your birthday?

DappledThings · 01/12/2021 22:29

DH and I both agreed not to buy for each other years ago and life is far easier that way! I loathe getting any presents but am happy to get for orher people if they want. If he wanted an Xmas present I would happily get one for him but wouldn't want one in return.

If you want presents it is a bit crap he won't get you something.

Pegasussnail · 01/12/2021 22:30

One year we didn't buy anything (going through home renovation and got a TV for our new home). It wasn't the same.
So now we get something nice. I have my eye on a few small bits and decent perfume.evertone needs a treat.

Mammyloveswine · 01/12/2021 22:32

I like to arrange a child free night away as our gift!

Original poster
giraffes2021 · 01/12/2021 22:33

@Mammyloveswine this is what I said!!! I'd like him to sort a baby sitter and be like come on we are going for some food or away that would be bloody nice! Instead of it always being me

OP posts:
FindingMeno · 01/12/2021 22:35

Finances won't run to us and the dc's.
I would like presents but it's no big deal.

Smartiepants79 · 01/12/2021 22:37

I would find this so depressing unless there were financial reasons that meant I needed to be a grown up about not having any gifts.
I really don’t think a gift or two for each other at Xmas is too much to ask!
It sets a horrible precedent that means he doesn’t have to bother helping your kids to buy you things either.
Give him a few suggestions if he’s really struggling.
I remember a colleague once who used to save up the small gifts that the kids at school
Would buy her to put under her tree and open on the day as neither her DH or her teenage Dds bought her anything. This made me so sad and quite angry on her behalf. I found it so weird as they are a really close and loving family!

Naughtynovembertree · 01/12/2021 22:40

When we had zero money we didn't bother with each other and spent our very tight budget on the dc.
Now we have a teeny bit of wiggle room we buy each other gifts.

mumontherun14 · 01/12/2021 22:40

We always buy for each other. Usually not huge gifts but little treats like new pjamas, books, perfume etc. My husband is the opposite he loves to do his Xmas shopping (usually on Xmas Eve) but he only buys for me & the kids & he can be a bit random in what he buys but he does mean well . This year we’re a bit better off after many years of being careful & focussing on the kids so he’s getting a golf tracker watch thing & im getting new boots . The kids (teens) always buy for us as well (just little bits) & he often took them out when they were young to pick things . I think it’s thoughtful to choose a gift you know someone will like xxx

Naughtynovembertree · 01/12/2021 22:41

Smartie
.. Once the office secret santa was the most sweet thoughtful present I was expecting to receive one year

TheCategoryIs · 01/12/2021 22:41

No presents only works if you both feel exactly the same way. The default is presents!

I personally am not interested in presents but then I'm not interested in praise or thanks at work either and many people are. To many people presents help them to feel appreciated and that someone has gone out of their way for them.

junebirthdaygirl · 01/12/2021 22:42

I think it's important to still feel like a couple and make that special effort for each other. You are not just mum and dad but lovers too and it's good for the children to see that. Remember your ds is learning how to treat a woman and vice versa. It doesn't need to be expensive but children don't need to be the centre of the universe to have a happy Christmas. I would not let presents for each other go and l am married over 30 years. As the children grow they will help ye pick nice things for each other and it's all part of the fun on the day.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 01/12/2021 22:44

We had years of house renovating with small children so we didn't buy for each other however now we have spare we save and buy each other gifts.
We have a sack full each

Always fluffy socks and the like but we love it Grin

Jayaywhynot · 01/12/2021 22:46

We've just had this conversation tonight, we were going on a long haul holiday but have had to cancel. We'd decided when we booked the holiday not to do presents as we'd be away.
I mentioned Christmas and presents for the family tonight and he said he thought we'd decided against presents this year 🙄
I feel quite disappointed at the thought of not having anything to open Christmas morning, oh is by no means stingy, in fact he's very generous but he's lazy.
We don't spend loads, we make a list of what we'd like, mine is usually a book, face cream, voucher, lippy etc and I usually spend more on him as he has more expensive taste than I do.
It really is the thought that counts, I'm sad that he can't be arsed and is using the holiday scenario as an excuse not to put himself out

Original poster
giraffes2021 · 01/12/2021 23:01

@junebirthdaygirl I think that this is what it boils down to at the moment we are just in constant mum and dad mode and I feel like Christmas is the only time I get a bit of romance? Sounds ridiculous

OP posts:
Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 01/12/2021 23:02

Fuck yeah I want presents! I don't care that they are expensive or fancy but that they are thoughtful - for me it is the fact someone has put some thought into my life and what i may like that matters. And that never goes out of style.

YuleHaveAWonderfulChristmas · 01/12/2021 23:07

I don't buy any gifts for my friends children but I spend it on my friends gifts instead.

Adults need prezzies too sometimes !

Me and DP exchange fairly expensive gifts but this year we decided neither of us wanted anything so we have clubbed the money together for a few days away straight after boxing day.

lunarlandscape · 01/12/2021 23:12

OP I agree with you and so does DH. It's a chance to show a bit of appreciation to each other and to focus on each other as well as on the DC. A well chosen present proves you care about your partner.

MrsToothyBitch · 01/12/2021 23:22

I love getting and giving presents! We do a bit of a mix of things we know are wanted or would be welcome treats, things either of us wouldn't get round to or justify buying for ourselves even if needed or things we've noticed would be useful for each other.

Swipe left for the next trending thread