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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel guilty about letting this woman go

37 replies

Shouldifeelguilty · 01/12/2021 22:08

I hired a really lovely woman five months ago, provided her with training, and ever since have set her briefs every day. She works from home and we mainly communicate via Slack, video call and phone call.

For the past two months things have been really slipping. We lost two clients due to her being really unresponsive and not completing tasks, we’ve had two clients complain about her, and she will take 3 x longer than anyone else on the team to complete the same task - even those with less experience. This means anyone else working at the same time is having to take on more of the workload.

She ignores my emails (hence the other communication methods) and doesn’t like to do things outside of her own ways.

I’ve checked in multiple times to ask if everything is okay, to check in to see how I can help, to see if there’s anything that she needs help with. She tells me she’s fine and it’s just ‘her way’ of working, but it got to the point where someone else on the team made a complaint, and I decided enough was enough and to let her go.

I’ve been met with comments about her mental health and how this is going to cause her lots of stress and I feel awful and my head is even saying to give her another chance, but I know from previous experience with her (where I have had conversations about the amount of productivity and complaints), that things will go well for a little while and then she will slip into old ways.

So I guess I’m asking AIBU to feel really guilty? Does this feeling ever go away? I’m just trying to do what’s best for others and for the business, but I don’t want to cause distress at the same time.

OP posts:

Cupcakeschocolate · 01/12/2021 22:14

Don't feel guilty. She is there to work and she isn't doing the wor. You are running a business and paying her to not complete the work which makes other workloads heavier. You have to think of your other employees and your business.

DrSbaitso · 01/12/2021 22:19

You've got a duty to your clients and other staff. It's not fair to take people's money and not provide the agreed service, and it's not fair for her to be paid for others to take on her work while she slacks. You tried to find a solution with her (although in my experience, this never works with poor staff), it was impossible. She couldn't or wouldn't do the job, and it would have been unfair to everyone else in your team and client base to keep on someone who gets paid for not working while they not only do their jobs but pick up her slack.

Maybe she had a mental health problem or something, but the sacking isn't punitive and you did try to see if there was anything you could do to help.

FangsForTheMemory · 01/12/2021 22:22

You shouldn't feel guilty. You have given her the opportunity to talk about any problems, and she hasn't taken it.

BashfulClam · 01/12/2021 22:35

If she improves each time then she is capable but then just becoming lazy.

Hera222 · 01/12/2021 23:04

I had a similar situation at the start of the pandemic. As you have described I tried my best to support the person, gave them ample of opportunities to tell me and HR if something was going on, and also gave them ongoing feedback.

YANBU - I did feel guilty when making the decision, you’re responsible for a part of someone’s life, I think it would be strange not to consider it in in detail and the potential consequences. However, if you carry on it will have a detrimental effect on your wider team and business - which is something you can control. It sounds like she’s not meeting you in the middle at all, and you’re the one trying to make all the adjustments and allowances. I don’t feel guilty now looking back… it was the right thing to do.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 01/12/2021 23:05

It is a horrible situation to be in, but MH problems do not mean the world has to change to accommodate you. And in any case it is not clear that this is a MH issue rather than stubbornness. You did not cause the distress - you went out of your way to help, but she has rejected all the help you have offered. That is all you can ever be expected to do. If you give her another chance, she will not change. Better to get out early.

grapewine · 01/12/2021 23:10

YABU to feel guilty for letting someone go that cost you clients and had other clients complain. YANBU to let her go.

GertietheGherkin · 01/12/2021 23:17

Unfortunately, there's no room for sentiment in business. You have a duty to the whole team. If she was given correct training, opportunities to discuss any issues, or problems etc. She's there to do the job that she's paid to do. When you work for a company, you can't just do things 'your way' you have to work with and alongside other members of the team.
If others are having to increase their workloads to carry her 'slack' that's unfair.

You are in business to make money, losing clients is unacceptable. You've made the right decision. It will get easier. If you'd let her carry on, it would have been you being accountable for her incompetence. You might have been looking for a new job then.

VillanellesOrangeCoat · 01/12/2021 23:26

YABU to feel guilty. Sounds like you’ve put in a lot of effort and support. Ultimately she needs to take responsibility for her own actions which have resulted in having to let her go

Marvellousmadness · 01/12/2021 23:47

It feels to me like she is using the mh card in order not to be sacked..

Coyoacan · 01/12/2021 23:49

She put you in a horrible position. I don't envy you

HollowTalk · 02/12/2021 00:00

You should have let her go ages ago. I probably wouldn't do it just before Christmas but I will tell her now that in the New Year you're letting her go.

Roisin78 · 02/12/2021 00:07

I've been where you are and I was too soft and bought them back. Huge mistake, they know they can take the piss then. You let her go for good reason, whatever difficulties she's now telling you about she should have addressed with you before, it's too late now. Listen to your gut, you'll regret taking her back

Lalliella · 02/12/2021 00:22

I think there’s something wrong with your voting options OP. I voted YABU, because I think you’re unreasonable in feeling guilty for letting her go. You should not feel guilty! She can’t do the job, she has to go.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/12/2021 00:32

"I’ve been met with comments about her mental health and how this is going to cause her lots of stress and I feel awful and my head is even saying to give her another chance, but I know from previous experience with her (where I have had conversations about the amount of productivity and complaints), that things will go well for a little while and then she will slip into old ways.

Have you considered that the comments about her mental health are a pack of lies, and she is deliberately trying to guilt you? That she has found it an effective way to manipulate people so that she can continue to be paid for doing no work? That she is not actually a "really lovely woman" but a plausible and accomplished con-artist?

QuinceTamarillo · 02/12/2021 00:54

It's natural to feel uncomfortable about firing someone - as my then-boss said the first time I had to do it, someone who actually enjoys firing people probably shouldn't be managing people. I think it's especially hard when it's someone you've personally hired, because you feel like you should have known they'd be a bad fit, or that you could have done something differently.

In this case, though, unless you own the company and can afford to pay another person to do half of the job while this employee does whatever, you have no choice. You've already given her chances and you can't trust her to improve even though it seems she's capable. If MH issues are holding her back, it's best that she gets professional help for them (easier said than done in the current climate, I know). And if she's the one telling you her mental health will be impacted, then she already knows or strongly expects what's coming so better to do it as soon as you can and not give her false hope.

user1481840227 · 02/12/2021 01:36

I remember your previous thread (if it wasn't yours then it was the exact same situation but about having to let her go).

You did the right thing. She hasn't given you any other option. This has already had an impact on your business and if you kept her on she would continue to have a negative impact on your business.

I hope you stop feeling guilty soon because you really shouldn't, you were also protecting your other employees mental health, as increased workloads can negatively affect MH too!

groovergirl · 02/12/2021 01:49

Her MH issue is not your responsibility -- it's hers.

As one who has WFH these past eight years, and for the five years before that managed freelancers who WFH, let me say that there are few excuses for not meeting deadlines or promptly replying to emails. Serious illness of you or DC, or rush off to help elderly DPs -- OK, as long as you quickly inform your boss. But it seems like your employee had a consistent pattern of wafting off without explanation.

If you as a WFHer have to work overnight or get up early, just bloody well do it.

Five months is plenty of leeway. You're generous, OP; I wouldn't have given it.

DrSbaitso · 02/12/2021 07:17

Ultimately, there's a job that needs doing. If your mental health is so poor that you can't do it, even when your employer has taken steps to help you, then they're going to need to make way for someone who can. It's not punitive, but for whatever reason, the job is not within your capabilities.

simpledeer · 02/12/2021 07:23

OP I have been in a similar position. I assuaged my guilt after speaking to a senior HR person who reminded me that I managed a team, not just one person.

If you don't address this, you are letting down everyone else in the team. They will feel unappreciated, could lose respect for you, might start slacking in their own work.

SoItWas · 02/12/2021 07:29

Yanbu to feel guilty, you'd be unreasonable to bring her back though, not fair on you, the other staff, (or her when you inevitably have to ask her to leave again). It's sad, but she wasn't following your feedback, turned down offers of help, and doesn't seem suited to the job.

Wintersnuggles10 · 02/12/2021 07:35

This is why there is no way I could be a manager. I couldn't fire people. My husband has no problem with it but I would feel horribly guilty and it would play on my mind. You have definitely done the right thing and have all the facts to back up your decision

DrSbaitso · 02/12/2021 07:36

@Wintersnuggles10

But if you were working with someone who got paid the same as you or more, while not doing their job and adding to your workload instead, you'd very rightly expect your manager to take action.

girlmom21 · 02/12/2021 07:37

She's proved she can do better than she is but she's choosing not to.

Five months is a long time and if she'd asked for extra support, training etc I would be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt but it sounds like she didn't.

I'll give people who are struggling as many chances as the business can afford but lazy people don't deserve that

londonrach · 02/12/2021 07:43

She not doing the job, let her go..you've done your best

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