Leaving to drive

[TurnUpTurnip]

I really need to learn to drive, it would make a massive difference to my life but I’m really anxious at the thought of driving and feel nervous even thinking about it (I have had lessons in the past but I didn’t feel anxious about it) my mum said it’s an age thing and as you get older you become more anxious which is why it’s better to drive when you are younger and have the confident. Has anyone else learnt to drive despite being anxious about it? Aibu to want to learn to drive?!

My mum passed her test and never drove again.

As a single mum, in a rural village it was a massive pain when I was younger.

Passed my test at 18, and I was anxious then.

I’m 34 and still get anxious now. On Monday night there was horrific traffic in an area I don’t know well, and I followed a load of cars the back way towards home, in the dark on country lanes, and I could feel my watch telling my heart rate had shot up 😂

Nerves and anxiety are totally normal. I remember vividly that my worst fear was failing the test, and I had to rationalise in my head that if I did fail it was no big deal and I’d retake it.

What about driving is it that makes you nervous? Parking? Driving in the dark? Crashing?

Try and work out what exactly makes you anxious and work on trying to combat that.

No no, your not unreasonable to want to learn to drive. And you can do it, you just need to believe in yourself.

My mum also passed her test and never drove again and it was a right pain.

I forced myself to not be my mum and do the same even though I hate driving. I didn't want to do that to future children. I'm now 38 weeks pregnant and will be in the driver's seat as soon as I can after the birth!

OP learning to drive is the best thing you can do if you're physically able.
Even if you choose not to drive once you get a licence, just having that ability is invaluable, especially once you have kids!

I know lots of people with numerous kids who never learnt to drive and for them, standing in the rain or snow etc with pushchairs waiting for buses makes it something they massively regret. The problem is, they can't afford to do it now.

Learnt to drive at 25. Left it that late because I was nervous anyway and a horrible instructor when I was 17/18 knocked my confidence. Went auto to make it as easy as possible. Turned out I just hadn’t met the right teacher (or potentially transmission) because I only had 20 lessons and passed first time. I’m so glad I learnt and learnt before having kids. Makes life so much easier. You can do it!

Yes my sibling had been in a few car crashes and got seriously just before I turned 18 and could start learning to drive. I put it off for a few years but finally learnt at the age of 21. Was really nervous, dreaded every single driving lesson and hated it all. I just forced myself through it even though a driving lesson would ruin my mood for a week sometimes. Once I passed I also had to force myself to get a car and do drives every so often because it's so easy to think ahhh I don't want to I'll just catch the bus.

It was a really nerve wracking uncomfortable couple of years full of dread but 10 years later I drive everywhere without a thought now so it's very worth it if you are willing to push yourself through. During the pandemic being able to drive has been a lifesaver.

I passed at 32. I was very nervous, I did automatic as it is one less thing to think about. I would recommend finding a patient instructor who tends to deal with nervous learners.

I think it’s the actual driving part that scares me, I’m not worried about crashing necessarily obviously I wouldn’t want to 😬 but I just can’t see myself driving if that makes sense?! I’m early 30s now and my daughter has a disability which makes it difficult to get around, I dream of how much easier my life would be if I could drive but then I worry maybe not everyone can drive and some people just have to accept they won’t ever learn?

Go with auto if you’re anxious. Fight those feelings and give it a try. I understand I totally do.

@TurnUpTurnip

I think it’s the actual driving part that scares me, I’m not worried about crashing necessarily obviously I wouldn’t want to 😬 but I just can’t see myself driving if that makes sense?! I’m early 30s now and my daughter has a disability which makes it difficult to get around, I dream of how much easier my life would be if I could drive but then I worry maybe not everyone can drive and some people just have to accept they won’t ever learn?

My step mom used to be a driving instructor and not a single person gave up learning to drive with her even one girl who passed her test on the 7th go

I didn’t learn to drive til I was 30. I had a huge driving phobia due to being in an accident when I was 17.

I learnt in an automatic car. Ie I could concentrate on the other road users without being distracted by mechanics of gear changing. It was a bit stop and start, but I finally found the right instructor.

My husband was dead set against me learning automatic only, but it’s never been a problem having an automatic license.

I still don’t like driving, but oh my it’s worth it for so many reasons.

I learnt stick but drive auto. I would never ever go back to stick.

I hate driving on the motorway, m25 in particular but being in auto makes it one less thing to think about. We have an odd fascination in the uk about driving stick. My 14 yo step sister in the us is driving on a school auto license.

I think for many many people of all ages, the thought of learning to drive IS daunting.

But practice and experience do help.

It is a very handy skill to have.

I tried at 18 and hated it, tried again at 19 and had a horrible instructor who made me cry. I made myself do it when I turned 30 because I realised that if something happened to my husband I couldn’t drive him (or our daughter) to A&E. I learnt in a manual, it was difficult and I didn’t feel like a natural but I passed second time (massively ballsed up the bay park on my first go).
I drive an automatic now and am getting a lot more comfortable with driving, so I’d recommend learning automatic if you can.

Passed at 44 and never looked back

I learnt to drive at 35 and was very nervous about it. It took me 3 attempts to pass my test. Ten years later I admit I'm still a nervous driver. There are certain roads and routes I won't take. However, I'm so pleased I can drive. Once I'm familiar with a route I feel completely confident. It's given me so much freedom. I also feel it's made life so much easier because of the children. They often need to be taken to clubs, parties, friend's houses etc and there are times my husband can't do it. I'd say go for it. You might always be a nervous driver but the more you do it the more confident you'll feel.

I didn't start driving till I was 38 , I was also very anxious and I wasn't a natural at it . It took me a whole year to learn having one lesson a week, taking my time meant that my confidence built up and I passed first time , I'm still anxious sometimes I hate rush hour and avoid motorways as much as possible. But it does make life easier and I regret not doing it sooner , when the kids were younger. Go for it , you won't regret it, just take your time and gradually your anxiety will ease.

I've just passed my test at the age of 41. I'm a nervous driver, but it's only been a couple of months, so I'm assuming (hoping!) the nerves will slowly fade a bit, in time.
I used to get really nervous before each lesson, but usually found once I was in the car, I was concentrating so much, that the nerves take a back seat.
You can do it! And even if you do it and never drive, at least you could in a pinch, if you ever had to.
You've got this

I learned at 40 - you'll be fine. Ignore people who say it's harder when you're older - I'm not sure that's true at all - I think teens are just more blase about it! A certain amount of anxiety about doing something which is such a large cause of accidents is a positive thing, as it means you are more likely to exercise caution.

If you cycle or travel as a passenger much then you probably have a lot of road sense from that.

I was amused that when we added me to our car insurance, the day after passing my test, our premiums went down, not up. The insurance companies are obviously not worried about the competence of older new drivers - just the lack of caution of younger ones.

I'm glad it's not just me. I'm 36 and can't drive. We bought a house in. A rural location, which was supposed to be the impetus for me to learn. Tried, hated it, got so anxious about it - and I'm not generally that kind of person. Finally gave up after a particularly horrific lesson in early pregnancy when my hormones were all over the place. Now have two year old twins and can't bloody get anywhere, it's so annoying. I intend to try again next year in an automatic.

Everyone's nervous when they first get behind with the wheel of a car, it's big, it feels wide, its alien to you, there's loads to remember but don't let nerves put you off.
Bite the bullet, be brave because it's really worth it, it's freedom!
I passed my test in my early thirties and for about 6 month's I wouldn't turn right as I didn't like crossing traffic so I went left and went everywhere in a circle 😂.
I have since taught DC and nephew to drive.
I got braver with confidence, I still don't like motorway driving but will do it if I have to. Recently drove 5 hours on a motorway, (oh hungover) wasn't happy at first but soon settled down.
Remember this tip if you take your test eventually, move your head to look in the mirrors so the examiner can see your checking your mirrors, don't just move your eyes, they are looking for safety.
Be brave op, you've got this

I'm in the exact same boat OP and trying to work up the courage. Like you, I can't actually see myself driving, manoeuvring and actually not hitting things! I'm really anxious but kind of at the point now where I really need to start airing my head out and MUST start as it would make such a difference to my life. I'm early 30s too with a little wine and I've never actually had any lessons so you are a step ahead of me. Have you got your Provisional sorted? That's going to be my fist step. I'm kind of thinking if I just do one step at a time, it won't be so overwhelming. Provisional, finding instructor, ordering books, booking lessons. Not even thinking about tests and how long it will take and whether I'd pass, just baby steps.

I'm 29 and I've just started learning last month. I went on my dads insurance first and just practiced using a clutch and going through the gears on quiet roads. I made the bad decision of doing a week long intensive course, 2 hours theory 4 hours practical driving Monday-Friday. I did pass my theory because of it but the practical aspect was crap and my instructor was awful I lost 5 hours because of her finishing early she was on the phone a lot etc etc. At the end of the week she said I need 8 more hours.. I can't face paying anymore money so I'm back on my dads insurance.

I would recommend doing two hour lessons and try and get as many in as you can in per week. Even though I wouldn't recommend the course I can say that doing it intensively is a good way to learn, I find the hardest thing is getting the muscle memory! Once you've mastered the clutch the manoeuvres will (I bloody hope!!) fall in to place. After 14 hours or so of driving I still take too long to switch gears but I'm glad I've thrown myself in to it or I'd of never done it.

Theory 4 in 1 app is the best app to use, the majority of my questions I had already seen on the app I did a mock test several times a day. Tricky theory questions make loads more sense once you do practical lessons too.

Good luck to us all learning!

I’m glad it’s not just me, no I haven’t done my theory yet. I’ve had loads of lessons I’ve been trying since 18 but have always just stopped, the last time was because I was pregnant and I didn’t pass before giving birth and then life just got in the way and it got forgotten about, that was 8 years ago! I need to do this, doesn’t help that where I live the two closest test centres have the worst pass rates in the whole country 🙄 would be my luck!

I learned to drive in my mid-fifties when I moved to a town with little public transport and it transformed my life. No more hanging about at wet, cold and draughty bus stops - fabulous.

Many learners are understandably nervous but as their ability increases this should change to 'sensible concern' - if you get an instructor with whom you can gel and a car you can manage it'll then be a case of gaining practical experience and passing those worrying tests. It's definitely a skill worth learning so go for it OP.

@TurnUpTurnip

I’m glad it’s not just me, no I haven’t done my theory yet. I’ve had loads of lessons I’ve been trying since 18 but have always just stopped, the last time was because I was pregnant and I didn’t pass before giving birth and then life just got in the way and it got forgotten about, that was 8 years ago! I need to do this, doesn’t help that where I live the two closest test centres have the worst pass rates in the whole country 🙄 would be my luck!

Go to one further afield. I went to the 5th/6th closest. It was all dual carriageways and nice roundabouts.