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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Time out in schools.

43 replies

Myusername2015 · 01/12/2021 11:58

I’m upset that my 4 year old son got put in time out yesterday; he stood up when the teacher was out of the classroom and they were told not to do so. He then had to stand at the front of the class facing the wall for 5 minutes crying. I have absolutely zero problem with him having some sanction for not doing as he was asked but it really troubles me that he had to stand crying in front of all his friends. Am I being unreasonable in thinking this? (The teacher has verified his version of events)

OP posts:
WheelieBinPrincess · 01/12/2021 12:01

It’s a bit dunce hat isn’t it?

Time Out should be a quiet spot away from everyone like at the back of the classroom. At that age, I think a traffic light system is much fairer- they don’t exactly have good impulse control yet despite the thé best of intentions.

DownWhichOfLate · 01/12/2021 12:05

That’s horrible. Your poor child.

MonicaGellerBing · 01/12/2021 12:22

That's way out of line and totally inappropriate for a 4 year old. I'd speak to the head about their policies. Your poor son OP, id be so angry if that happened to my DD

Rumplestrumpet · 01/12/2021 12:25

Is this Reception class ? They've only been in school a couple of months and are just getting used to the rules. Anyway, sounds like a ridiculous system to have in place for such small ones. I'd be appalled if anyone did that to my child.

Actupfishy · 01/12/2021 21:16

I think that’s a horrible punishment personally; we have a ‘thinking cloud’ but they are rarely issued without a warning.

KatherineofGaunt · 01/12/2021 21:34

Standing facing a wall?! As a teacher, I'd never make a child stand in front of everyone facing a wall. It's one thing to have a bit of time away from whatever the class activity is, how is facing a wall helping him think about his actions?

TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY · 02/12/2021 04:03

this type of behaviour by schools is why i chose home education

i follow gentle attachment parenting and are extremely child led
i believe schools operate on scare tactics and condition kids to all fit into one mode

people will say that's normal for schools it really is not they say that because they have been conditioned to think this so the cycle have worked on them
schools are using humiliation as a conditioning tool to get kids to all sit quietly and don't move

MrsGatsby99 · 02/12/2021 04:41

Standing facing a wall seems very old fashioned to me. As PP said, reminds me of dunce's hat.
Also what your DS did (standing up at 4) seems normal.
Trafic light system or something where they have more chances seems better but in reception, i thought child-centred was the norm ie they are allowed to free flow and move around most of the time. Maybe there is specific context here?

WoodenReindeer · 02/12/2021 05:04

Wow no I would not be happy with that at all. Hes just getting used to school and shame tactics aren't right at all.

Have you complained? What are your options?

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 02/12/2021 05:11

Our nursery use time out but only for quite extreme things, DS and his friends got into a little phase of blowing (very wet) raspberries at each other, we do not allow spitting at home and nursery quite rightly have to be firm particularly during Covid. They were all warned (traffic lights) and carried on so were each put in time out for two minutes, on a chair in a quieter part of the room, away from each other. They then had to talk to the teacher about why they had been in a time out, why spitting is not ok and apologise. DS was two and a half at the time. It worked a treat and nipped the behaviour in the bud. I think whatever you call it time out can work if handled appropriately and not just used as punishment

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 02/12/2021 05:12

Time out in our school does not mean standing at the front of the class and facing the wall. It means spending some time (5-10 minutes usually) in a different classroom after multiple warnings for disruptive behaviour. It’s to give the child, teacher and the rest of the class a break.

Sometimes, I do time out for children who are getting frustrated or upset about something. That is me telling them to go to the toilet, wipe their eyes and come back when they feel ready. It helps get them away from staring eyes and whatever is causing the frustration and upset.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 02/12/2021 05:17

but in reception, i thought child-centred was the norm ie they are allowed to free flow and move around most of the time.

90% of their learning is free flow but they’re still expected to sit on the carpet as a class or group and listen to the teacher for 10-15 minutes at a time.

MrsGatsby99 · 02/12/2021 05:27

@BeingATwatItsABingThing thanks, that's what i thought and they do have to start to learm to sit and listen for short periods but didn't the OP say the teacher was out of tge room? Not sure of the context here so i am not judging this situation. We use time out in secondary but as part of a sequence and not to humiliate.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 02/12/2021 05:42

[quote MrsGatsby99]@BeingATwatItsABingThing thanks, that's what i thought and they do have to start to learm to sit and listen for short periods but didn't the OP say the teacher was out of tge room? Not sure of the context here so i am not judging this situation. We use time out in secondary but as part of a sequence and not to humiliate.[/quote]
Sometimes things happen where the teacher has to leave the room. It’s not ideal and it’s not a frequent occurrence but it does sometimes happen. The children need to learn that, when that happens, they stay in their seat and carry on with their work unless told otherwise by an adult.

I’m not saying the punishment was ok. Humiliation is not ok.

Sockwomble · 02/12/2021 06:06

The standing facing the wall punishment has not been seen as an acceptable one for a very long time (decades). I would complain to the school.

Original poster
Myusername2015 · 02/12/2021 09:22

Thank you all for your thoughts; I’m a secondary teacher and would rarely use timeout but if i did it would be used as a way to manage a student who was emotionally agitated etc (allowing them to have a few minutes away from the classroom) I would never ask them to stand next to me facing the wall while they cried. This punishment also from the brief chat I had with the reception teacher appears to have been issued without any warnings. I spoke to the head yesterday who was siding with it being appropriate so I’m going in today to see her. It’s really useful getting different opinions on this as I certainly didn’t want to be known as “that parent” If I was overreacting.

OP posts:
WhoWants2Know · 02/12/2021 09:28

Humiliation is not an appropriate punishment.

BurbageBrook · 02/12/2021 09:36

YANBU, I'd definitely complain. Time out after a warning is one thing, but facing a wall is not a time out, it's Victorian humiliation.

EasyLikeSundays · 02/12/2021 09:57

@Sockwomble

The standing facing the wall punishment has not been seen as an acceptable one for a very long time (decades). I would complain to the school.
This! How terrible stood there crying. 5 minutes is an awful long time when he's just stood there too. Absolutely complain.
EasyLikeSundays · 02/12/2021 09:58

I would be heartbroken for my DC if this happened to them,poor thing.

MyDcAreMarvel · 02/12/2021 10:00

Take him out of the school now, your ds isn’t even compulsory school age. Keep him at home or put him in nursery until you can find a different school.

avocadotofu · 02/12/2021 10:06

That's really awful! I'm a primary school teacher and I would definitely complain!

Original poster
Myusername2015 · 02/12/2021 12:14

Even better this is a private school so I’m actually paying. I’m so upset by it; he is a summer baby so isn’t CSA until next September so I’m inclined to pull him out if the head isn’t supportive; he has just settled at the school but I don’t think I can leave him there if I don’t have reassurances this won’t happen again.

OP posts:
baffledcoconut · 02/12/2021 13:08

Sounds very much like the prep my child was in. We pulled them out and went for an option that suited us as a family better (ie not humiliating the child)

StormyTeacups · 02/12/2021 13:12

Awful. Totally awful. He's 4, standing up is a very normal thing to do. Really nasty punishment and totally ott.