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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Time out in schools.

43 replies

Myusername2015 · 01/12/2021 11:58

I’m upset that my 4 year old son got put in time out yesterday; he stood up when the teacher was out of the classroom and they were told not to do so. He then had to stand at the front of the class facing the wall for 5 minutes crying. I have absolutely zero problem with him having some sanction for not doing as he was asked but it really troubles me that he had to stand crying in front of all his friends. Am I being unreasonable in thinking this? (The teacher has verified his version of events)

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/12/2021 13:12

That sounds ridiculous for a 4 yo

margotsdevil · 02/12/2021 13:32

I'm horrified that 44% think YABU! I'd be very interested in their justification of that... I notice none of them have commented here!

I'm a secondary teacher; time out is a useful and valuable approach (often just asking pupil to step outside the room for a few minutes or suggesting as per PP that they nip to the loo to freshen up). It's also an agreed strategy with some pupils who have ASN - they can choose to take time out which can help them self-regulate and re-join the lesson successfully.

However - I can honestly say I have never seen a pupil treated in the manner you describe - it's beyond out-dated and I would be seriously questioning whether this school is the right choice. I wouldn't send any child to a school who felt that was appropriate behaviour management.

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 02/12/2021 13:35

Humiliating and unacceptable.
Is it described in their behaviour management policy as part of their process?

nimbuscloud · 02/12/2021 13:40

You’re paying for this ???

beecrazy · 02/12/2021 13:44

I had a similar punishment at the age of 4. I'm 73 now and still remember it. It was devastating to me although I did go on to really enjoy my school life, to this day I can remember so many details even down to what the teacher was wearing. Humiliation is never the answer.

BendingSpoons · 02/12/2021 13:45

Awful punishment for a minor transgression.

  1. Teachers shouldn't really be leaving 4 year olds alone in the classroom. Is there only one adult I.e. no TAs?
  2. He stood up, not threw a chair! And he is only 4!
  3. Make him sit in the corner not playing but this should be after several warnings

FWIW my DDs school have: thinking stop, worse thinking stop (can't remember the name!), 5 min time out, 10 min time out etc. You wouldn't go straight to time out unless it was pretty serious.

ChangeChingyChange · 02/12/2021 14:37

Op don't pull him out, it will confuse him and upset him more than anything. He's settling in and should not have been punished in this way. Especially since you're paying for this school absolutely complain and insist this type of punishment is never used again and discuss what other punishments they would usually give and why it would be given etc and read their policies.

Wnikat · 02/12/2021 14:41

Pretty sure that wouldn’t be allowed at a state school

coffeeisthebest · 02/12/2021 15:02

I was punished like this in my infant school. I still remember 30 years on how humiliating it was to stand staring at tbe wall crying. That is not ok. Act in your child's best interests and do whatever you can so he knows you have stood up for him

Sockwomble · 02/12/2021 15:44

"Pretty sure that wouldn’t be allowed at a state school"

Absolutely. I did teacher training in the early 90's and even back then humiliation type punishments were considered unacceptable.

SavoyCabbage · 02/12/2021 16:02

I've been in countless reception classrooms, three this week alone, and I've never seen anything like this.

I disagree that removing him will confuse him. I took my dd out of reception after six weeks and she just thought it had finished like swimming lessons or Tumble Tots.

UndertheCedartree · 02/12/2021 16:06

Oh gosh no! I would not allow my DC to be in a school that did this. It has be very clear in the policy at her nursery and now at her school that time out is not used. I'm shocked in this day and age that a school would still use it!

UndertheCedartree · 02/12/2021 16:15

I see it is a private school - not so shocked now. I'd pull him out and be very careful with looking at the behaviour management policies of any other schools you look at.

gogohm · 02/12/2021 16:29

Sounds like when I was at school. Seems appropriate for not following the rules

Obsidiansphere · 02/12/2021 16:32

That’s fucking horrible to do to a 4 year old Angry

TheLoveOfBrownies · 02/12/2021 16:40

My DDs state primary would never do this!

DD has needed some time out of the classroom occasionally and she gets sent either to the SN room or the Library for a few minutes. In Reception and Key Stage 1 (she's Year 3 now) they'd be sent to the reading corner and the teacher will then go and talk to the child after 2 minutes or so to chat to them. And they only get sent after 2 warnings.

BendingSpoons · 02/12/2021 20:33

@UndertheCedartree out of interest does the school avoid time out altogether? What do they do in response to challenging behaviour? I'm horrified by the OPs experience but it seems to be common in schools to use a gentler form of time out e.g. sitting in the reading corner as PP mentioned. I'm wondering what else schools do. Apologies, this is tangential to the thread and is just me being nosy!

Witchcraftandhokum · 04/12/2021 07:53

*this type of behaviour by schools is why i chose home education

i follow gentle attachment parenting and are extremely child led
i believe schools operate on scare tactics and condition kids to all fit into one mode

people will say that's normal for schools it really is not they say that because they have been conditioned to think this so the cycle have worked on them
schools are using humiliation as a conditioning tool to get kids to all sit quietly and don't move*

I hope you get a tutor in for English.

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