Breaking point with 5 year old

[Mummypig7]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place, I wasn’t sure where to post. But I’m pretty much at breaking point with my 5 year old. He’s awkward, won’t listen, won’t do as he’s told. He’s just a nightmare. This morning on the way to school he takes my phone out of my pocket and runs off with it with his friends. I couldn’t get it back off him as I was in the school line with my pram. He then throws it on the wet grass twice now my volume is a bit hit and miss. He then throws himself onto the wet floor saying “ouch my leg” even though there was nothing wrong with it. A mum who I have got quite friendly with at school has a 2 year old in a buggy and he tries to kick him and she tells him not to do it (which is totally fine I don’t blame her, I could have strangled him) I was mortified. I haven’t brought him up to do things like that. I nearly ended up crying to her in frustration. I just don’t know what else I can do with him. I have tried all sorts. I’ve tried taking his tablet off him, no treats, naughty step, sticker chart for good behaviour. Nothing I do makes him behave. When I shout he will laugh and say “I’m not bothered” I’m just so exhausted with him

I think you have to separate out some of the general awkward behaviour and kicking a 2 year old in a buggy. The latter is really awful and needs dealing with as it a step up from all of the other stuff which is probably more common.

There has been a lot of disruptive behaviour in our year 1 class but there is a spectrum. A lot of the boys in particular seem to be struggling with the transition and the teacher has said to me that there are socialisation issues and really lots of the children aren’t ready for year 1. There could be an element of that with your son. But, there has been other more aggressive behaviour that led me to complain very heavily to the school about my daughter being hit, kicked etc that seems to have gone unnoticed. If your son is kicking a 2 year old, is he aggressive in other ways with the other children?

@Confusedandworried321 that sort of thing makes me so sad. Children are just trying to be playful and how completely boring is times tables to a 5 year old. There will always be children who struggle with rules - the others are compliant it doesn't mean that it's optimal at all for them to be sitting there doing that at their age

I would personally push back very hard at school for removing playtimes - it's always wrong but it's very specifically wrong at that age and for a child who is having trouble regulating behaviour and sitting still.

And - surely we shouldn't have to explain to schools and teachers that children in Year 1 were 3 years old when we went into lockdown! They have had two incerdibly important developmental years heavily disrupted, lost huge amounts of play and social time and are now being given the same expectations as a child who had never been through any of that - and then on top of that the expectations were ludicrous even before the pandemic!

sorry to keep posting but this makes me so cross. OP your 5 year old is a 'covid kid' - two really important years disrupted and damaged - I think you need to get the school on board with being supportive, if he finds it hard to sit etc, can he go and fiddle with a toy or something - make sure he doesn't miss playtimes.

Get lots of play and social time and then lots of chilling out - I would praise praise praise.

we shouldn't have to explain to schools and teachers that children in Year 1 were 3 years old when we went into lockdown!

Your anger should be directed to the Government and DoE they are the ones holding schools and teachers to the same expected outcomes for pupils if there had not been a pandemic.

I haven’t read all the posts, but I suggest getting rid of the tablet altogether. DS’s behaviour is noticeably worse when he’s been on it - and not necessarily directly afterwards. We didn’t let him have it at all last week and his behaviour was so much better, so we’ve made it a permanent thing. Not as a punishment, but because I don’t think it was doing him any favours to let him use it. He was using only educational stuff and watching some tv on it. I know it’s hard because the iPad keeps them occupied and out of your hair, but it’s amazing how quickly he’s adapted to entertaining himself and playing more with his toys. He’s so much nicer too!

I completely agree about limiting tablet screen time in particular. My kids aren't allowed any YouTube at all and tablets are only for long car journeys of an hour or more. They are allowed TV but when I say turn it off they know they have to do something else. My eldest does get grief from friends for not 'having' YouTube or Tiktok but I honestly think they can't self regulate and it's easier once the expectation of being able to sit on a tablet is removed. My younger one loves art and we have tons of art related activities that are mess free and not too stressful for me if they just get them out ok their own and start playing. Also, does he watch TV in the morning? Once we did away with this years ago, mornings became do much easier!!

@Icebreaker99 I completely agree that the pressure schools are put under is ridiculous - but if a 5 year old has their playtime taken away as a punishment that is a decision made by a teacher.

I'm not knocking teachers or schools - I am a big fan of them! But it is not the fault of a 5 year old if they are struggling with behaviour and not all schools owuld respond by taking away play time

@Wondergirl100 the trouble is what is the alternative with so little time for focus on emotional and social skills and resources? I agree it's not ideal and pointless when it doesn't work but if teachers don't do anything then what example does it set to the other children?

I completely agree with regards to the playtime, thankfully my DS' school doesn't use that as a punishment until Y3 and older as far as I know.

Primary education in the UK seems very old fashioned though, I'm sure it depends on the school and teacher, but my DS' teacher could easily have taught me back in the 90's.