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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want to tell people I have a 1st class even though I don’t?

504 replies

plieddried · 01/12/2021 03:56

It bothers me so much to see my actual degree classification. On my cv I don’t even bother to write my degree classification but I still feel embarrassed. I want to start telling people (and myself) that I graduated with a 1st class honours even if it’s not true. It makes me feel happier to tell myself I got a first class. It also makes me feel more confident and secure in my ability to work. It makes me feel accomplished. Wondering if AIBU?

OP posts:
echt · 01/12/2021 06:19

God you've had an easy ride on this thread, OP.

You stand to chisel someone out of job by your lying. If found out, and I hope you would be, you would lose your job and have committed fraud.

And you can't be that bright if you don't know that self-esteem is built on achievement, not fantasies.

Kanaloa · 01/12/2021 06:22

@echt

God you've had an easy ride on this thread, OP.

You stand to chisel someone out of job by your lying. If found out, and I hope you would be, you would lose your job and have committed fraud.

And you can't be that bright if you don't know that self-esteem is built on achievement, not fantasies.

I don’t think the op was suggesting lying on job applications, but more in social situations. And I don’t think she’s malicious or trying to fool people - to be honest she sounds deeply insecure. If I found out someone was lying about this I’d just feel really sad for them that they felt they had to or wanted to do this and couldn’t enjoy the fantastic achievement of getting a degree in the first place.
RantyAunty · 01/12/2021 06:23

Are you just starting out in your career?

AnyBloodyUsername · 01/12/2021 06:23

Agreed with @RestingPandaFace

I would be minded to seek professional support or therapy to explore this way of thinking. You mentioned that if you hadn't of got high grades at school you would be embarrassed, it sounds like a lot of your self esteem and perhaps validation from care givers are rooted in academic worth which might be why you're struggling.

In relation to lying -dont do it , ultimately it's wrong but you have to also live with the fact that when you're telling people you have a first it's actually a lie and ultimately may make you feel worse in the long run! You can't change the past in terms of extenuating circumstances but you can reflect on the fact you still got through a degree when you had so much going on which demonstrates resilience (something plenty of employers will value over a grade)

Also I do wonder what situations your in that your degree classification is being discussed! I'm late 20s now and have a bachelors in psychology with a master's in forensic psychology and I don't think I've ever been asked for classification!

Dbakl · 01/12/2021 06:24

I would understand lying to further your career or to impress people. It would be wrong, but I could understand it. But lying to make yourself feel better is bizarre. You’ll always know the truth so why would it make you feel better?

echt · 01/12/2021 06:26

I'm not buying this. The OP said she did not cite her degree classification on a CV and wanted to tell people she has a first.

Switch82 · 01/12/2021 06:28

The bottom line is you didn’t get a 1st class. So you’re lying. If you want to say you’ve achieve something then go and achieve it.

You’re coming across as very entitled - so what if you had a flawless record before.

As someone whose career was adversely affected by a 2:2 (mine) I do feel for you. I too had very extenuating circumstances / father severely ill and we were not well off so I had to work a lot at uni. But I just got on with it.

The best people in the world will fight on - gain resilience and go on to achieve their potential through hard work and being savvy. Lying isn’t one of those talents that will get you far in life. Look elsewhere to build your self worth and self esteem.

Darkpheonix · 01/12/2021 06:29

If I found out someone lied about this in social situation, I wouldn't feel sorry for them. I would think it's was really odd behaviour and that they simply made up pointless lies. Not trustworthy and nor someone I would want to be around.

If your self esteem is caught up in a fantasy, there's serious problems.

I wouldn't want to associate with someone who had the 'I didn't achieve it but I deserve it, because I say I do' mentality.

Eesha · 01/12/2021 06:31

Op, this sounds bizarre. I got a 'low' degree but have rarely had to say this yet have a great job. I don't really understand why you think it's OK to lie. The only people I see flagging a first are young uni leavers on LinkedIn where looking for jobs as a first can be a good USP.

londonrach · 01/12/2021 06:31

Op..don't lie. People do not care what class of degree you got. I have never ever heard it mentioned outside uni and maybe in a job interview but then it doesn't matter which class just you have a degree. In the kindest way you need to let this go.

HoppingPavlova · 01/12/2021 06:32

No you can’t as that would be a form of fraud.

You claim you want to lie to yourself and everyone else about this. You can’t lie to yourself? Maybe get some therapy to address this.

I just don’t even see how this would work. If you lie about this in an employment sense you will be found out if they requests your transcripts and that’s very bad. I would boot you, not due to not having a first but due to dishonesty as I wouldn’t know what else you will lie about, there would be no trust.

As for social situations, I don’t get it. This literally never comes up. You would proactively have to put it forward and irrespective of the lie, people would just think you were a self-serving dickhead. I’d beat a hasty retreat if someone was going on about this.

Wilkolampshade · 01/12/2021 06:33

Also there's something almost too exaggerated about the use of '' gotten'' and ''smarter than what I..... " in the OP. Just feels like a reverse? Or like the OP is actually going to reveal that someone known to us in public life has done exactly this?

Minceandonions · 01/12/2021 06:34

Erm, what?!
Don't do it OP, it's pathetic.
My MIL, aged 70, still bangs on about "nearly getting a first". I just want to say "But you didn't get one, did you".

Witchcraftandhokum · 01/12/2021 06:35

For those people saying they're never asked what class degree they got, in my experience jobs that require applicatiion forms rather than CV's such as education, the form asks for a grade and evidence for qualifications.

I still think the OP is unreasonable to lie.

dudsville · 01/12/2021 06:35

A self esteem boost, or positive self regard, comes from an authentic genuine moment, from honest appraisal. If you get a boost from a lie, imagine how much greater the reward would be from a moment of genuine truth? It sounds to me like you need to test yourself in some way, perhaps by doing another degree.

ThinWomansBrain · 01/12/2021 06:36

I just feel like I’m smarter than what my degree classification shows

If you were "smart" you wouldn't feel the need to lie about it. Go ahead, put it on your CV, see how smart you feel should it get found out and you get sacked for falsifying your application.

And I don't usually point out poor grammar, but the "like" and the "what" in the sentence above are redundant.
Maybe a student with first class degree would have a better grasp of written English?

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 01/12/2021 06:37

If a job asks for a degree level qualification, they usually ask for proof. I've had to take in my degree certificate about 3 times to be photocopied by HR when starting new roles.

starrynight21 · 01/12/2021 06:38

To be honest, I think that people probably think you are a bit weird to "mention" in conversation that you got a first. Nobody else does this, so just by doing it, you stand out for all the wrong reasons. If they believe you, they'll think you're bragging, and if they don't believe you, they'll think you're a liar.

blowtheroofoff · 01/12/2021 06:41

Don't lie.
You'll destroy any credibility/ trust when if and when you are found out.
Your self esteem seems entirely tied up in academic achievement. I really would think hard about that as it really doesn't matter that much in the real world, post 25 years old when people have started getting experience and work achievements to showcase their abilities

DinkyDaisy · 01/12/2021 06:46

As others say, don't lie. My degree is nothing to write home about but on applications I put BA hon and subject and noone asks for any more.
Also, classifucations vary in number depending what decade you took degree- hard to compare.
I looked up a much more successful friend than me on linked in. We both did the same degree and same classification. Joint degree and one subject generally more respected than the other. She just put the generally more respected one. I thought Mmmmm!!

Geppili · 01/12/2021 06:47

Are there other things in your life you have (been tempted) to lie about?

Constance1 · 01/12/2021 06:47

I actually did get a first but I don’t think aside from family I’ve really ever told anyone. I don’t quite understand how saying you got a first to people makes you feel good though when you know it’s not true. But I guess if fully intact men can claim to be biologically female then anything goes, so you carry on self identifying as having a first, why not!

Etinoxaurus · 01/12/2021 06:49

I’m 52 and know literally 100s of graduates and their jobs and vague salaries. I can think of 3 degree grades I ‘noticed’: a pass, a first and a Masters distinction. In all cases I was surprised. And not in a ‘oh that’s why she’s working in that deadend job, she has a third’ or ‘aha! That’s how come he’s a squillionaire he got a distinction in his MSc.’
There’s very little correlation between earnings and degree class. This is completely about your self esteem.

lizziesiddal79 · 01/12/2021 06:51

When I graduated in 2000, hardly anyone got a First. There was an unspoken presumption that those who did spent all of their time studying. A 2.1 demonstrated a more rounded individual. Most of us had part time jobs and hobbies. These skills counted just as much towards our future employment. No offence to anyone who got a First (I got pretty close actually). But I definitely remember the belief amongst students and staff that being a rounded individual with a full life was better than constant studying.

iloveeverykindofcat · 01/12/2021 06:51

I'm not sure doing a PhD will help your self-esteem OP. Doing a PhD is pretty ego-deconstructing, for everyone, no matter how smart you are. The very first thing you learn is how little you know about anything. A good supervisor criticises your work and challenges your ideas, and you have to learn not to take it personally and right now you are taking your grades very personally.

I'm an academic and professional writer and honestly one of the main things involved is leaving your ego at the door. Just the other day I had a book proposal accepted, but reviewer 1 had plenty of critical things to say (some of which reviewer 2 disagreed with, so there you go). Even now, it's a bit upsetting. It is for everyone. But you've got to realise it isn't personal. Its useful. It can make your work better. I think the things your looking for - external validation from academic achievement - aren't ultimately going to make you feel better about yourself. You can have all the qualifications, titles and on-paper achievements in the world and still feel bad about yourself - and even if you do, there will still be people who hate your ideas and think you don't know what you're talking about it.