AIBU to think parents shouldn't get preferential treatment when it comes to time off work?

[KwestTurkey]

I just read an article on Facebook about this. A parent had asked a childfree colleague if she could have some of her saved holiday days and was refused (understandably).

That's obviously a CF request. But in general, what do you think about parents and holiday requests Vs childfree colleagues?

I don't believe parents should be given priority when it comes to time off on any holiday, be it summer or Christmas etc.. I think it should always, generally, work on a first come first served basis. The amount of times I was refused any sort of time off in the summer because every single parent in the office had booked off the summer and they were given first dibs on those dates used to annoy me.

I'm a parent now but my opinion hasn't changed on that. I think if someone childfree has gotten there with the request before you then that's tough.

Same with Christmas, if you work a job that requires Christmas working, I don't think it's fair to allow the same people off every Christmas year in year out.

It's definitely something I've experienced in my workplace before and after having DC and it feels very unfair.

I really don't think it's anyone elses responsibility to ensure you get time off during school holidays or things like Christmas and that a childfree colleague has as much right to book the time off as any parent.

So...

YANBU - parents shouldn't get preferential treatment or priority when it comes to time off work.

YABU - they should.

[julieca]

I agree. And people want time off during school holidays even if they don't have kids, surely that is for their own personal reasons.

[julieca]

Also plenty of people have partners who can only get school holidays off, and no they are not all teachers.

[DramaLlllama]

I say this as a working parent of a primary aged child - I agree with you OP. Holidays should be given on an equal basis whether you have kids or not. Any other system is unfair.

[ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff]

The 'my children will pay for/help you in your old age' makes me laugh. The taxes I have paid throughout my lifetime will thanks very much. It's swings and roundabouts. Have the people spouting this ever claimed benefits?

No they absolutely shouldn't get preferential treatment. I don't particularly care if the nursery is shut over Christmas, or the system is fucked. That doesn't trump my right to see family or have time off of my own. Luckily in my current job is a rota so it's never been a problem. We can swap if we want though and I would if it would suit my circumstances.

[Kanaloa]

I don't particularly care if the nursery is shut over Christmas, or the system is fucked.

This is a bit confusing too - who are all these parents who absolutely CAN’T get any childcare over the entire Christmas holidays? Every nursery I’ve ever worked in was open right up till Christmas Eve closing time, and open up again on Boxing Day, or at one nursery the day after. People are acting like there’s weeks where you can’t get any childcare.

Same over half term/summer hols. Holiday clubs and the like are specifically open over those times. It’s expensive but that’s something you work out when you go to work, how will you organise childcare?

[User5252727]

I agree parents shouldn't be prioritised but it shouldn't be first come first served either. At christmas, for example, it should be taken turn about / on a rota so that it's not always the same people getting time off.

[julieca]

I know childcare is tough. But the people I work within the main are colleagues, they are not friends. Why would I make my life worse, to make their life better?

[Jumpingintochristmas]

@4amstarts

I get why summer and Xmas both parents and non parents would want the time off and there should be no preferential treatment for those. Summer is long enough that an employer should be able to accommodate everyone in those 6 weeks.

But I do think half terms holidays are different and parents should get priority as why would someone without kids want those weeks off?

DH works in a term time job, we will have to take our holidays at peak times long after the DC leave home.

What about attending weddings, holidaying with friends or family, birthdays, anniversaries, events etc?
Surely you can see others deserve the chance to this time off too?

[Mittenmob]

I work somewhere where we are often asked to stay until 6 as standard. I used to get so annoyed by my colleagues with DC who managed to avoid this leaving all the 'late' shifts to the childfree ruining our evenings. But I've since grown up, had dc of my own and realised me not getting to slump on the sofa an hour earlier/go to the gym is a hell of a lot different to a parent having to juggle multiple pick ups, child minders, kids bedtimes etc. Ideally childcare would be available and accessible but it's just not always the case and many collegues assume that people have an army of family members supporting them. I don't!

[julieca]

@Mittenmob But why should your colleagues make their life worse for them, to benefit you?

[Darkpheonix]

@Mittenmob

I work somewhere where we are often asked to stay until 6 as standard. I used to get so annoyed by my colleagues with DC who managed to avoid this leaving all the 'late' shifts to the childfree ruining our evenings. But I've since grown up, had dc of my own and realised me not getting to slump on the sofa an hour earlier/go to the gym is a hell of a lot different to a parent having to juggle multiple pick ups, child minders, kids bedtimes etc. Ideally childcare would be available and accessible but it's just not always the case and many collegues assume that people have an army of family members supporting them. I don't!

This snacks of 'those with kids just don't get it'.

But lots of us do have kids. And some of us were single parents too.

Again, usually there's no problem if there's give and take.

Why would being a parent mean you could never work until 6pm. Are you saying ever parent on the team, was a single parent whose children never saw the other parent and non had childcare or family around. Every one of them?

[ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff]

@Mittenmob

I work somewhere where we are often asked to stay until 6 as standard. I used to get so annoyed by my colleagues with DC who managed to avoid this leaving all the 'late' shifts to the childfree ruining our evenings. But I've since grown up, had dc of my own and realised me not getting to slump on the sofa an hour earlier/go to the gym is a hell of a lot different to a parent having to juggle multiple pick ups, child minders, kids bedtimes etc. Ideally childcare would be available and accessible but it's just not always the case and many collegues assume that people have an army of family members supporting them. I don't!

That's still not your colleagues' concern or problem.

[jay55]

People with teachers for partners will want time off in the school holidays.

My mum was never allowed time off in school holidays once her kids were adults, which meant very rarely seeing my sister, who is a teacher and it was shit.

Prepandemic id always take a week off in summer to spend time with my sister. I'm glad it's never been an issue for me.

[TroysMammy]

Being child free I never wanted school holidays off so I would book first 2 weeks in July in my previous job and the company was always closed Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year's Day.
I now work with 3 other childfree women so we can take our holidays wherever there is availability and again closed over on the above days too.

[Grida]

Most of the senior roles at my work are done by men or child free women. When I was at lunch yesterday a younger, male, more senior, colleague expressed astonishment at the fact that the three women on the table were older and better qualified than him. We all had children. Clearly, the workplace doesn’t favour parents (with primary responsibility for their kids)when it comes to promotion and pay. I think a lot of bosses recognise how difficult it is for working mothers and try to help where they can.

[julieca]

If you dont want school holidays off, then there is no issue.
But everyone requesting school holidays off, will have a reason, whether they have kids or not. It is more expensive to go away during school holidays, so if someone without kids is doing this, there will be a good reason.

[Thegreencup]

@Glassofshloer

In theory, absolutely yes. I do not believe free time or holidays are more inherently valuable to parents.

However… we live in a country/world where the vast majority of mothers cannot afford to NOT work, yet school is 9-3, term-time only.

Unless you’re lucky enough to have a retired grandparent who is happy & capable to look after the children, what is the alternative?

Paid for childcare like most of the population use.

[Minceandonions]

Of course YANBU.
We must all be equal at work when it comes to this sort of thing.
I love Christmas and would never give up that time off just because I don't have kids. Although I've never worked anywhere where people must fight for annual leave like this.
We'd rather die than go away in July and August though - we stay local then to avoid the expense, traffic and crowds - so parents are welcome to those months!

[Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday]

It shouldn’t be the default every time but I don’t see the issue with taking caring responsibilities into account. Children or elderly parents. It’s generally women who have to step up and I’ve no issue with making things a little easier..

[speakout]

Well put very bluntly, it was your decision to have children, not your colleagues.

I was with you until you made that comment OP.

[Darkpheonix]

@Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday

It shouldn’t be the default every time but I don’t see the issue with taking caring responsibilities into account. Children or elderly parents. It’s generally women who have to step up and I’ve no issue with making things a little easier..

But the vast majority of these women will have partners or at at least another parent. Its nor the colleagues responsibility to ensure its made easier for the women at their own expense.

Women do, end up doing the bull of the shit work. Which is one of the reasons that womens careers suffer. But expecting colleagues to pick up the slack rather than the panther parent Its not going to change.

I have kids. If I need to travel for work, its my dp that picks up the slack. I don't make someone else do the travelling instead.

[julieca]

@Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday except no one takes elderly parents into account in this equation. It is always about the kids.

[ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff]

@speakout

Well put very bluntly, it was your decision to have children, not your colleagues.

I was with you until you made that comment OP.

What's wrong with that comment?!

[ButYouGottaHaveASkillJeff]

Rogue exclamation mark there.

[ClaudiaJ1]

I'm on the fence here, I can see both sides. But just with this, OP, where you said:
That's obviously a CF request.

I don't believe it was. If they were demanding the days, then it's CF. But there is no harm in asking. If you don't ask, you don't get. Maybe someone would be find with trading days with a colleague.

There is no harm in asking. That's all you can do, is ask. You never know until you ask, do you.