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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner said he wants to go away without me

40 replies

Ireallydontcare55 · 30/11/2021 21:48

As in take a holiday on his own and he doesn’t want me to go.
I totally understand that everyone wants solitude, I’d never try to stop him going in any way I suppose I’m just a bit sad.

I could understand more if he was going with a friend. I took a holiday without him but it was because he couldn’t get the time off work and I was going with family. But I couldn’t imagine going alone and purposefully not inviting him, even if I do now and again enjoy having a day to myself as does he.

I told him he should do what’s best for him and that I understood. Then he said he’d probably miss me too much.

Does anyone else do this or their partner? We do spend time alone or with friends too, don’t see each other constantly but we live together

OP posts:
wizzywig · 30/11/2021 21:49

Yep I do. It's bloody great. Love it.

lastqueenofscotland · 30/11/2021 21:50

I’m in a happy, long term relationship and I happily go on holiday by myself. My DP doesn’t mind a joy and sometimes comes and joins me for the last night, just thinks I’m a strange soul for enjoying it!

Original poster
Ireallydontcare55 · 30/11/2021 21:52

When I was single I loved going alone, I guess I’m just not used to it yet but as long as we still holiday together then I guess I will get more used to it

OP posts:
Apocalyptichorsewoman · 30/11/2021 21:52

I go on holiday on my own, every few years or so - it's amazing!

MancMum2000 · 30/11/2021 21:52

Yep I love a solo holiday, then love coming home to DH and family.

Original poster
Ireallydontcare55 · 30/11/2021 21:54

How long do you go for ? Were your partners ok with it at first ?

OP posts:
BlusteringBoobies · 30/11/2021 21:58

Ugh, this is my dream. Time away with just me myself and I. I look forward to children being a bit older and being able to do this.

I crave alone time and find its the only way I can reboot and reenergise. My want and desire to do this is nothing to do with my relationship with DH. I love and would miss him a bit.

I could be blissfully married to Chris Hemsworth and I'd still want a holiday to myself every now and then!

AliasGrape · 30/11/2021 22:00

Before we had our baby we used to have separate holidays but with our own groups of friends rather than alone. We would always have a holiday together too and that would be the priority if we couldn't afford both.

Finances and life in general are a bit different now so what holidays we do manage will be joint and with a small child in tow for the foreseeable, though I hope before too long we can start to think about resuming our own separate trips even if they are maybe shorter

In theory I'd love to go away by myself too, i did a few times when single, although I suspect DH would feel like you and find it hard to understand me going away alone - he was weird when I booked tickets to see a particular comedian alone even though I don't know anyone else who would have enjoyed it really.

Is the relationship generally good, mutually respectful and supportive? If so then it probably is just that he likes his own space/ solo travel. I suppose it could also be said on purpose to be hurtful/ mess with your head but only you would know if that's likely.

lastqueenofscotland · 30/11/2021 22:01

@Ireallydontcare55

How long do you go for ? Were your partners ok with it at first ?
Usually 5 days - a week. DP is beyond fine with it and helps me look for air bnbs/hotels. He wouldn’t enjoy it (real social animal whereas I am not) so finds it slightly strange but also appreciates I just crave being alone somewhere not built up.
Avarua · 30/11/2021 22:02

I've done solo breaks. I really like it and find it rejuvenating. It takes a few days to blend back in with family life though.

Pollaidh · 30/11/2021 22:02

Personality dependant I think. I'd happily holiday alone, have travelled alone a lot, and gone hillwalking in remote areas alone. DH hates being alone and likes to have people around all the time.

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/11/2021 22:05

I go on holiday at least once or twice a year on my own and without DP. Usually between a long weekend and a week and usually to a destination he doesn’t have much interest in visiting (I went to Mongolia once) to do things which he isn’t particularly interested in doing (locating Soviet-inspired statute graveyards.) It’s healthy. You don’t have to live in each other’s pockets just because you’re in a relationship and it’s absolutely fine to acknowledge that sometimes you just want to do your own thing.

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/11/2021 22:06

Likewise, DP goes to Burning Man on his own quite often. I love Burning Man, but not every year: but that doesn’t mean I’m going to get upset when he wants to go have fun in the dust without me.

Ylvamoon · 30/11/2021 22:11

An other vote for separate holidays once in a while! It's great and I usually go around 5-7 days. I do stuff that DH isn't keen on and he does the same. I have done holidays with family (my mum or sister) and some solo.
I think you should try solo travelling. You can't beat it - unless you are a socialite/ party animal that would make it less fun I guess.

Ijustreallywantacat · 30/11/2021 22:11

I try and go on holiday evetu year on my own for 5-7 days. He sometimes goes on jaunts through work. It's great. I never thought to ask him permission to be honest, just told him I was off to Amsterdam in a few weeks.

I think its very refreshing.

Birdsnesting · 30/11/2021 22:19

@Ireallydontcare55

How long do you go for ? Were your partners ok with it at first ?
It was never a matter of okaying it, or at least, since we had DS, just a matter of consulting with DS because of childcare. I’ve always had a far stronger need for solitude than DH does (years ago I used to live on an otherwise uninhabited island), so I tend to rent cottages somewhere remote and coastal. A lighthouse is perfect. Or occasionally cities where I can cram in a lot of solo art and opera — I’ve gone to NY and Milan a couple of times for that. I’m very happily married, I just need to be alone too.
Kite22 · 30/11/2021 22:26

DH quite often goes off for a weekend, and then he goes off with a couple of friends for a bout a week once a year. He does his hobby which is something I don't want to join him in, and I think a big part of the hobby, is the solitude.
I am more of a people person, but I do really love the idea of going on a retreat for a few days, which dh would never want to do.

I think as long as you also spend time together, there is no right nor wrong about always going away together - whatever works for you both.

MelonTits · 30/11/2021 22:28

I used to do this a lot pre-kids and am planning on my next break now. It’s refreshing.

IncompleteSenten · 30/11/2021 22:31

Yes. My husband goes away for a break. He tends to combine it with stuff he needs to get done. He's just come back from London as it happens. Went on Thursday, did his bits he needed to get done on the Friday then had Saturday to himself and came back Sunday night.

It does you the world of good imo.

He also goes on holiday with our sons every year and I stay home and enjoy a week of blissful silence.

It's not a rejection of a partner to want to take some time for yourself

afrikat · 30/11/2021 22:38

Oh god I would do this in a heartbeat. Ideally a silent retreat where I don't have to speak to anyone 😌

Original poster
Ireallydontcare55 · 30/11/2021 22:39

Thanks for the replies, they’ve helped me to see it from his perspective and made me feel better

OP posts:
Suprima · 30/11/2021 22:44

@Ireallydontcare55

Thanks for the replies, they’ve helped me to see it from his perspective and made me feel better
These responses are from a female perspective, and empirically these posters will be doing more of the life admin/child rearing/mental load as well as usually working full time too. I think a woman wanting to get away for some peace and quiet is pretty normal.

If your DP has a pretty chill life, doesn’t really have much to escape from, then I would see this as pretty odd Confused

Me and my OH aren’t in each other’s pockets, we have different hobbies and have holidays apart with our friends, but if he announced he wanted to use family £££ for some time away from me (because that’s what it is) my nose would be a bit out of joint too.

ChampionOfTheSun · 30/11/2021 22:44

I've been away with my friends/alone more times than me and DH have been away together. I love historical excursions, he hates them, I like hot weather, he likes the cold, I like sunbathing, he gets bored sitting about; we have to compromise a bit if we go away together. Whereas if we go away separately we can do what we like without having to worry the other isn't enjoying themself!

DontWantTheRivalry · 30/11/2021 22:50

My husband takes our children abroad 2-3 times a year without me and the 7-10 days alone is HEAVEN!

Next year he’s going to Egypt on his own for 8 days so he can have some time alone. I don’t have a problem with it all.

Our happiness is based on 3 things…

  1. Time together as a family.
  2. Time together as a couple.
  3. Time alone.
Grin
Ragwort · 30/11/2021 22:53

Suprima the OP hasn't implied that financing the holiday is a issue though?

I love holidaying on my own ... and my lifestyle is a lot more relaxed than my DH's, he works full time, stressful job, very active around the house, does all the 'admin' etc ... I work part time, do as little housework as possible ... but I still enjoy a peaceful break on my own ... as does my DH. We don't quibble over the cost of the holiday - all our money is shared but the reality is that DH earns five times my salary.

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