Partner said he wants to go away without me

[Ireallydontcare55]

As in take a holiday on his own and he doesn’t want me to go.
I totally understand that everyone wants solitude, I’d never try to stop him going in any way I suppose I’m just a bit sad.

I could understand more if he was going with a friend. I took a holiday without him but it was because he couldn’t get the time off work and I was going with family. But I couldn’t imagine going alone and purposefully not inviting him, even if I do now and again enjoy having a day to myself as does he.

I told him he should do what’s best for him and that I understood. Then he said he’d probably miss me too much.

Does anyone else do this or their partner? We do spend time alone or with friends too, don’t see each other constantly but we live together

Oh see I would do this. Its because I like to do certain things that would not make a good holiday for my partner (like sound 8 hours photographing churches).

What is he planning on doing? If just stuff you would like, I understand, but sometimes it is a real holiday not to have to compromise or be considerate!

Introverts especially, we get our strength from solitude...and then super appreciate our loved ones afterwards

I assume for me it would depend on how much annual leave you have, how much time you actually spend together and finances. A joint or family (if you have dependent DC) should always take priority.

These responses are from a female perspective, and empirically these posters will be doing more of the life admin/child rearing/mental load as well as usually working full time too.

We’re childfree and DP does a larger share of the domestic work. We still enjoy hanging midway time solo. There’s nothing strange about it. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you suddenly become the same entity and it becomes weird to not want to be together all the time.

Oh my the thought of a holiday on my own is too much. It would be amazing.

I used to go away on my own all the time pre-babies. They're still both very young (under 2) so I think it'll be a long while before I do it again, but I love the idea of holidaying solo again.

Did you spend lockdown together?

Before lockdown I had trips on my own, after lockdown even more so

A couple of days apart can be a good thing. Please just don’t be messaging all the time he’s away

I'd say it’s about his time not his relationship with you

Both DH and I have been away alone - I went to Barcelona for 5 days last year, it was magic, and I've been on a couple of weekend breaks by myself too. Nobody to please but myself! He's been on a few camping trips and to Germany to an event by himself.

I love DH very much and would happily spend most of my time with him, but going on holiday by myself is my favourite grown up treat. Wake up when I want, don't have to cater to anyone else, downtime to just read and chill and be in my own little bubble... I'm quite introverted though and need time by myself generally, as is DH. If you're not someone who enjoys that, I can see why you might find it weird!

@Yummypumpkin

Oh see I would do this. Its because I like to do certain things that would not make a good holiday for my partner (like sound 8 hours photographing churches).

What is he planning on doing? If just stuff you would like, I understand, but sometimes it is a real holiday not to have to compromise or be considerate!

Introverts especially, we get our strength from solitude...and then super appreciate our loved ones afterwards

Haha yes - I get to go and look at every museum and weird ruin going, DH gets to climb mountains and get piss wet through outdoors. We both do these things together too sometimes and it's not like anyone sulks about it - we've had plenty of days out doing the other's interest and had a lovely time. But there's always the knowledge that you know he doesn't really care about this Byzantine fort, or she doesn't really enjoy bagging munros that much...

It's so freeing just being able to indulge your precise interests without having to compromise at all for a few days

Sounds like a dream
1 family holiday
1 parental weekend away
1 holiday for yourself

Sign me up!!!!

@Suprima totally agree

In the vast majority of rl relationships this would be an issue. It clearly doesn't sit right with OP or she wouldn't be posting

Pre-DC my now ex-DH went away just once on his own, never with friends, when I couldnt get the same time off. I had done the same just a few years earlier.

After DC I came down one morning to find a note saying away for a few days. No contact details of where staying, no notice. That was just before I found evidence of his affair (which by the trip dates had turned sexual). He had gone with his affair partner. Lovely i was stuck with the DC. It's the change in behaviour that needs to be looked at.

It’s honestly the most refreshing thing! Before getting married I went on so many solo trips and honestly (mostly due to Covid) I desperately miss the freedom of a weekend just doing my own thing!!

I go to my cousin's without DH for 2 weeks at least once a year, sometimes twice. He'd rather chew glass than sit around listening to us reminisce about the family or scavenge around Home Goods and thrift/antique shops. She's single so it's a total 'estrogen-fest'.

He goes tent camping without me, sometimes in the snow. I did my time sleeping on the ground and not having running water and toilet facilities, that's why we have an RV now. But sometimes he feels the need to 'rough it'. More power to him.

Honestly, if your partner goes, enjoy your 'me time'. No cooking, less cleaning, being in control of the whole house. It's bliss.

My DH loves doing camping sporty things. Once upon a time we'd have tried to combine it, but now I just love waving him off on whatever outdoorsy thing it is, and know that I can do nothing in particular and get myself a takeout for tea.

I go away on my own two or three weekends a year, I love it and my Husband has never had an issue. It is really nice having a break from each other and then coming back together. My husband is a real homebirds so is happy to stay at home - but I would have no problem with him going away if he wanted to.