To ask about people's stories when loved ones passed. Did they experience anything.

[RedFlagsAllOver]

I hope its OK to post this. I've heard a few stories about when people have passed and they believe a loved one came for them just before.
My dad is near the end. I know it's coming and I guess it's nice that I have time to prepare and I've said goodbye but it's horrible seeing him slide away. He was still talking to me a couple of days ago but no energy to open his eyes. Today he was just shouting out but he kept saying his sisters name who passed last year. They said I could stay longer. Beyond the hour slot but it was just distressing. My dad didn't settle when I tried to sooth him just became more agitated and pushing me away.

"She closed her eyes and the feeling in the air was as though god was there. It felt very very special."

@Lollyneenah That is exactly how I would describe it too.

I hope your dad has a peaceful passing.

When my grandma died she hadn’t been conscious for a few days. But she opened her eyes and looked just behind me and gave the most beautiful smile. Then she closed her eyes and slowly slipped away. I feel very privileged to have been with her at the end.

She also told me, about a week before she died (she didn’t know she would die, she was taken ill suddenly a couple of days later) that when she was waking up in the morning her mum was there at the end of the bed.

I’ve been a hospice nurse for over 10 years and see this happen very regularly. Often patients who are approaching death will say they can see their loved ones who have passed away or will call their names. Have also had incidents when children have seen people stood next to the dying person. Definitely working in that environment has changed my ‘beliefs’ surrounding life after death

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I was with my own dad when he passed. He hung on and on for days (5 to be exact), my mum said to him “I don’t think you want me to see you go” I will pop outside she if you need to go it’s ok with me. Within seconds of her leaving the room his face relaxed and he took his last breaths. I just knew with his face change and relaxing (he had been in a coma like state but with eye open for 5 days and nights) that he was going so screamed her back and she was there for his final breath. I like to think he heard and understood exactly what she had said. Sending you strength

I am sorry you are going through it though @RedFlagsAllOver. I know you are using a lot of courage and bravery right now to keep going, but take time to have a good cry when you need it, and try to eat when you're able. It's a strange thing, when there is a build up like this, sort of relief and then grief (I hope that doesn't sound callous). But what I'm saying is give yourself time, tell work and your friends if you are finding it hard, and come here for a good chat if you need to.

My Mam was terminally ill in hospital, and I was biding the hours by her bedside. It was 10pm and I took a break to watch the ITN news in the room next door. I was alone, but a women came in, and asked (quite cheekily I thought) if she change the channel. I said ok (but was quietly peeved, because I like watching the news). I'd no interest in the programme, she wanted to watch so went back to the ward, to find my mother in her final moments. Without that annoying women, I wouldn't have been there with her. Coincidence ? I don't think so.

When my Mum passed she kept pointing to the end of the bed with a look of love/shock on her face and in the days prior to passing, she kept calling for her mum and dad who’d passed. It’s made me feel more curious but less frightened of death. Something amazing happens.

The night my dd was murdered I was in bed sleeping. I heard her come up the stairs and she came and sat on my bed, I could feel the weight of her sitting down. I was pregnant with Dd2 and she told me she knew what I was having.
I got up to look for her. I told DH she was in the house during the night.
I phoned her, couldn't get an answer I was getting ready to go to her flat when the police came.

I told the police she had been here the night before it was only when they checked CCTV they told me it wasn't possible for her to be in the house during the night.
I will never understand what happened it felt so REAL.

I believe that my MIL pulled my FIL out of this world when she believed it was time (to be clear, she was already dead!). He was alone, I always sent his shopping. One day, I sent the shopping as usual and it was refunded and not delivered, for no reason. He died days later (not because of the shopping issue!) but I believe she pulled some strings (she was dead at the time btw), stopped the shopping and helped him die.

I promised my stillborn son that I would find him one day, when his big brother didn't need me anymore. Best case scenario I've a good 50 years or so to wait to meet my darling boy properly so I'm now hoping he will come and get me instead of me having to go searching.
So sad to read of peoples losses, although it all just goes to show that love transcends everything in this world.

@ParkheadParadise
I am so sorry for your loss of your DD.

That's not uncommon, the drugs have an affect on people and it's not uncommon for them to want to be with family they lost. It's like a circle being completed.

When my dad died, he had been in and out of consciousness for a few days, his breathing was very laboured. But, just before he died, he opened his eyes and his whole expression changed, for a few mins it was like we had him back, pre cancer. And you could tell from his eyes that he could see something that we couldn’t he looked so peaceful and calm, he then closed his eyes, his laboured breathing returned and then a few mins later he died. That experience will stay with me forever.

Not before he died, but the day after Ddad died I saw his face in a cloud........ I know that sounds ridiculous, and anyone who knows me will say I have absolutely no truck with 'woo', but it was one of those sparkling blue breezy days with lots of clouds. I was sitting in the garden, looked up, and there was Ddad, in cloud form, sailing past. . I've never told anyone, but it was so comforting and I felt a huge sense of well-being wash over me.

My MiL had been unconscious for days. She sat upright and looked to the ceiling said I’m coming Yvonne put her hand out and died.

My Mum died in hospital from cancer in April 2020. Either my Dad or I had been with her (full on covid restrictions, only one person allowed at bedside) each night, however she died late morning when we werent there (I think that wouldve been her preference). I could feel her presence back home at their (my Mum and Dad's) house in the days following. I had a dream a few days after she died, where I saw her standing at her dressing table giving me 'the look', so I had a real sense she wasnt happy with me about something - there was something I hadnt did! I tied up some loose ends, and felt a sense of contentment. My husband said he felt her slapping his head (she'd always did that to him, playfully, not violently)! There were lots of little things that made us all feel she was still around! She wanted to die at home, and it was as though she was perturbed that she hadnt gotten to. I hadnt felt her presence since, however fairly recently I dreamt about her (first time i'd dreamt of her since the week of her death) and in the dream I was looking over a balcony and I spotted my Mum walking past underneath - she was young (how she'd looked when I was a kid), and wearing a stylish, summery dress (she looked very glam!). Just as she was about to walk out of sight, she looked up at me and smiled.

I'm sorry OP. my dad recently lost his mum to cancer, he was sleeping next to her when she passed away during the night. a couple of weeks before she died, she had a dream about her husband who died 15 or so years ago and she said she'd never dreamt about him before. I also dreamed about her the night that she died.

Just hours before she died , my dear mum said my father was with her , she was looking towards the end of her bed and said she could see him. My father died over 30 years ago.

When she said it, my sister and I looked at each other and I think both knew that she would die within a very short space of time. I have never believed in things like this , however I believe she did see him and he was with us. It was almost as if I could feel him there. Very strange however also comforting.

One other strange thing , she was very fond of my cat, and he too was fond of her - yet the blooming cat stayed away from her when she came home from the hospital and she was bed ridden. I had thought that the cat was simply wary of mattress on the hospital bed we had in the house - as it was one of these inflating/deflating beds to help circulation and reduce the risk of bed sores . However the night before she died - the cat jumped on the bed and nuzzled into her letting her pet him - almost like he was saying his goodbyes. He curled up beside her for the first times in weeks, despite the mattress inflating/deflating.

I am the least woo person ever , however inexplicable this is I do think my cat sensed that she would die within hours.

I am very sorry you are going though this with your Dad xx

I’ve been with three people as/just before they died. All were quite different experiences.

My grandad was in his 90s, and had gradually declined over about 3 years. We got a call to go, as they thought it was imminent. He held on for about another 8 or 9 hours after we arrived. My cousins, my mum and my uncle were all there. We talked about memories, and funny/happy family times. It was sad, of course, but not tragic. we hope that he heard some of it. He took some increasingly rattling breaths, and then went.
My uncle had cancer. It was fucking horrific, I have to say. He was hallucinating, and like an emaciated skeleton. My mum and I seriously considered putting a pillow over his face the night before he died (sorry to say), as we couldn’t bear for him to be in that state. He spent one night calling for his wife, who had died 25 years previously, and after that wasn’t really lucid.
My best friend’s mum died in hospital from a serious respiratory illness which went downhill very quickly. We were there pretty much constantly for 3 days. The last day, we left to get something to eat, and some air. She wanted 5 mins alone with her mum (of course) and told her it was ok to go…. We got a call about 20 mins later saying that we should come back. By the time we got there (I think I probably jumped lights, sped, the lot) she had gone. I think she was waiting for us to go… again, I hope she heard that her daughter had a fierce support network.

Personally, I’m an atheist, who is obviously dead inside, but I think the sting hear/understand more than we think. The best we can do is to tell them that we love them, and we’ll survive (in a positive way) without them.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, OP. I hope that she has a peaceful end, and that you have good support. Xx

My dear mum died of cancer which had spread to her spine, leaving a hole in the lumbar area
and paralysing her lower body( God it hurts to just type this) 22 years ago.
A couple of days before she died I was with her in the hospice and she suddenly started moving her legs up and down frantically. She was in and out of consciousness and I asked her what she was doing and she looked directly at me and said “ I’m climbing of course, it’s hard work and I was nearly there but they told me it’s not quite time yet”
She fell asleep and passed over two days later.

I wad with my Nana in her final days and the two weeks before she died.

About 5 days before she died, she kept talking about Fred, who was my grandad (he died when I was little). She would say things like 'Fred's here now'. I found it quite distressing at first but the nurses assured me it was very normal.

About a day before she lost consciousness, she would occasionally call me by my mum's name. I look very much like my mum and I think in some ways she could see my mum when she was younger when she was looking at me.

She was unconscious in the final 36 hours so didn't say anything but she was very peaceful. I have never been with someone while they died before but I can honestly say it wasn't a frightening experience.

Sending lots of love to you and your Dad

So sorry, OP - your dad. I’m sorry for any distress. (I was still thinking of my best mate’s mum. ) xx

When my relatives died they didn't say they saw anyone. The nurses opened the window for my grandads soul to get out though, just before he died. I did have a dream where my mum told me she was ok and to stop worrying about her, a little while after she died. Personally, because I lost a lot of relatives when I was young, I'm really looking forward and hoping to meet them again when I die. Either way, they've all been through it ahead of me, so that makes me less fearful of death. But I do hope I meet them again.

@Technosaurus

Hi OP, so sorry you are going through this, it's truly the worst thing I have ever experienced

Without being vulgar, what is your Dad dying from? Is it cancer (or some other heavily morphined condition) or old age/dementia?

My Mum died of cancer and the last days were fucking horrible to witness, she just sort of shrivelled up to a skeleton for the last few weeks. My Nan died of dementia and hers involved a lot of sleep. Both panted a lot in the final week (I sat with both for long periods of time) but neither could talk, so if he can still talk that's at least a crumb of comfort.

I don't believe in any sort of paranormal stuff so I can't comment on being fetched/taken, but also believe that you are entitled to get whatever comfort you can in this sort of scenario. If you like to think someone has come to get him and it helps you with it, then so be it. I'll also advise when it does happen there's the most weird feeling of relief you'll ever have but it's a bit taboo to say so - please don't feel guilty in feeling that way, take solace that you did all you could and maximised the time available.

My dad has had a blood disorder for the last 12 years. This condition normally gives people a life span of approximately 5-7 years after diagnosis, and in 50% of cases leads to leukemia, so he's done really well and the Dr's keep telling me this. however the Last few years he's not really been there in spirit. He's lost weight, tired constantly, lost mobility aching all over. He also developed dementia only diagnosed in March but he was showing signs for a while before. He would phone me up saying things like I've got the kids here with me but they're not much company. He thought my sons were at his house. The first sign was when a neighbour called and found him walking up the street confused. Last Month he ended up in hospital because of falls at home. My brother was finding caring for him too difficult, unfortunately I live 20 miles away, don't drive and have a young school child so I couldn't care for him during the day. I did try but cleaning up after my dad after soiling himself was something I just couldn't do plus lifting him wasnt possible alone. He was sent home from hospital once with a care package but he was back In hospital less than 24 hours later. we were waiting for a nursing home placement, had a meeting with dad and a social worker to try and tell him it was for the best. But after all that the Dr informed me and my brother that earlier that day he had pulled his picc line out. He had been having transfusions through it because his veins were terrible but they then said they would probably stop transfusions. I wasn't happy at all because I knew that meant my dad would pass away with no blood. I had a meeting with his hematology consultant who was very kind, she had been seeing dad for check ups before lockdown when it become phone calls. So she hadn't seen him for a while and told me he's lost his fight. She said they would try and transfuse every few weeks through a canilur. They did manage to get one unit in him and for a while I was hopeful. He was sat up in bed, talking to me, asking about the kids and I felt hopeful he would be here a bit longer. But then when they tried again a week later he wasn't having it. Didn't want a needle in him, refused all medication and they informed me they wouldn't be trying again. Without the transfusions he started slipping away quickly. Last Monday he was awake but very confused. Kept holding the side of the bed thinking it was a heater at home. Was getting upset and saying how confused he was. It was upsetting. By the end of the week he was just laying in the bed, talking but couldn't open his eyes. Now he's pretty distressed shouting out things like hurry up, let's go. What breaks my heart is he hated being there. He didn't want to go into a nursing home and he spent his last days stressing about losing his home and money. And it never even got near to him getting a place.

Both my grandmothers experienced this. The second one died recently. She had been unconscious for days, but then suddenly started calling out for my grandad, trying to climb out of bed, etc. In the end my parents asked the nursing staff if she could have a low dose of morphine, and that helped her settle. She passed away about 24-48 hours later.