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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy DD necessities for christmas?

113 replies

hotcocoatime · 28/11/2021 22:29

For Christmas I usually buy DD 7 half things she wants, and half things she needs, for example this year, she is getting:

Want:
2 rainbow high cheer dolls
The Never Girls book collection
Diy bath bombs
Fashion design kit, with Lightbox, stencils, etc
Nail polish set

Needs:
Electric tooth brush
Lunch bag and water bottle
Coat
Pair of boots
2 Sweatshirts
A Pair of Jeans
Some PJs

We would have to buy the 'needs' anyways and due to being on a budget this just means that she's got more to open on christmas day, especially as we celebrate with my sister, BIL and nephews who tend to have a much higher budget than us...

I never thought there was anything wrong with this until yesterday, when out christmas shopping with my sister and she 'jokingly' called me a scrooge for always buying 'necessities' for DD Sad

OP posts:
MyBeautifulFlower · 29/11/2021 14:09

I dont know why posters ae saying that they still get a stocking with underwear toiletries and socks, there is a world of difference between gifts for an adult and a 7 year old. I think vests, pants, socks etc are only ok if they are 'special' eg with their favourite character on

maxineputyourredshoeson · 29/11/2021 14:23

@MyBeautifulFlower

I dont know why posters ae saying that they still get a stocking with underwear toiletries and socks, there is a world of difference between gifts for an adult and a 7 year old. I think vests, pants, socks etc are only ok if they are 'special' eg with their favourite character on
I can only speak for myself but it’s something my parents used to do for me as a child - for as long as I can remember socks, pants etc have always been included and it’s something I have continued with my DD’s.

My DD’s are 9 and 11 (12 at Christmas), and like many other DC add socks etc to their Christmas lists.

As I said above it’s something my parents did I assume because we didn’t have very much money and it bulked our presents out.

DH never had socks, pants etc at Christmas but even he now says it’s wouldn’t be the same without his Christmas pants (they’re not Christmas design).

I think like many other things associated with Christmas you are in either camp and are used to your way.

Lavender24 · 29/11/2021 14:27

YANBU. I always got socks, underwear, clothes, pjs etc as part of my Christmas gifts when I was younger. I do the same for my DD now. We aren't on a strict budget, I just don't see the point of buying her a shit load of stuff she doesn't need

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 29/11/2021 14:37

I can only speak for myself but it’s something my parents used to do for me as a child - for as long as I can remember socks, pants etc have always been included and it’s something I have continued with my DD’s

Same.

Feedingthebirds1 · 29/11/2021 14:46

We would have to buy the 'needs' anyways and due to being on a budget this just means that she's got more to open on christmas day, especially as we celebrate with my sister, BIL and nephews who tend to have a much higher budget than us...

I never thought there was anything wrong with this until yesterday, when out christmas shopping with my sister and she 'jokingly' called me a scrooge for always buying 'necessities' for DD

I think the principle is fine, especially if you go with the needs being a bit more special than you would usually buy. The only concern I'd have is if your sister has seen fit to mention it 'jokingly' while you were out shopping, is there any danger she'd also say it 'jokingly' while you're all unwrapping presents together? That might make DD feel a bit shit, even if she'd be happy with them otherwise.

slashlover · 29/11/2021 15:02

I still get a stocking - usually fluffy socks, lip salve, gloves and scarf, Dreamies for the cat, a decent umbrella, etc. I think the only "want" in it is chocolate coins!

I love it!

BiddyPop · 29/11/2021 15:11

Totally normal.

Sometimes it has been versions of necessities that are more fun than usual, or that "Mum would never buy" ( eg character knickers rather than plain ones).

Sometimes it was slightly different types that I saw when travelling etc, or travel sized versions that she could have for weekends in DGPs or when travelling for sport as she grew up.

Sometimes literally she needed a bunch of things by Christmas like hair bobbins (burst a load coming up to Christmas break), colouring pencils, toothbrush.

And there were things she might accept from Santa (or others) but not me like thermal vests or a warm woolly hat, so it was a good way to get her to wear these.

Dd still gets lots of useful stuff even now as a teen. There's always lots of fun stuff too. It doesn't mean we are Scrooge's, just practical and loving.

Cheerbear24 · 29/11/2021 15:16

Your sister doesn’t sound very nice pointing this out tbh.
I tend to ‘upgrade’ if I’m getting things the kids need like fancier socks etc, or a better coat if it’s an everyday item. I must admit I draw the line at some items, as DN once unwrapped plain white knickers and socks and was a bit meh at them, which I do understand!
However it’s really poor form to bring this up to you and I would never ever do that to my friends or family.

RavenclawsRoar · 29/11/2021 15:20

Totally normal! MIL still does a stocking for DH with socks, pants, a toothbrush, deodorant and usually some kind of useful-but-christmassy house related thing e.g. festive tea towels. Completely normal when I was growing up too - we had could choose one main present or a few smaller toys and the rest was books, stationery, clothes, accessories like hair bands and brushes and so on. My dc are younger than yours but their presents are similar, including a new water bottle for school for the 4yo and clothes they need anyway for all of them.

BiddyPop · 29/11/2021 15:22

In fact, DH got upset the year after his DF died, and the annual present of socks and jocks that each DSibling received no longer happened - although it had always appeared to come from DMIL, it turned out that DFIL had always been the buyer for his DCs....who were all by then married and 2/3 had DCs of their own! It was just a traditional part of their Christmas presents from their DPs.

safariboot · 29/11/2021 15:25

I still remember, as a child, being annoyed at Christmas and birthday "presents" that were things I knew my parents would have to buy me anyway. Maybe I was just a materialistic brat.

Puffinhead · 29/11/2021 15:54

I occasionally do pjs - if they’re themed - and socks in stockings but wouldn’t give a coat or boots (unless the boots were ‘fancy’ iyswim). But if you’ve always done it then don’t see why you’d stop now.

To add, I’ve also done toothbrushes (the fun, battery ones) plus shower gels/face wash and last year I put razors in my teens stockings much to their amusement. But it saves them buying their own!

ladycarlotta · 29/11/2021 16:41

OP, what did your family do when you were young? I'm just wondering who is breaking from tradition here, you or your sister?

I think 'necessity' gifts are fine, and was always very pleased to have things like coats, boots, pyjamas etc for Christmas when I was a kid. As long as the child is adequately dressed in the meantime there's nothing wrong with waiting til Christmas for upgrades. I suppose it's an acknowledgement that even though those things may be necessary, they are also expensive and special, they make your life nicer and you need to appreciate them.

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