Telling friend I'm engaged whilst her Dad is in hospital

[bestwisheskindregards]

AIBU to tell one of my best friends about my recent engagement whilst she's at home with her family as her Dad is in ICU with Covid?

We work together and if I hold off telling her, I'll have to hold off telling other friends from work as I'd feel bad her finding out on the grapevine as she's a really close friend. I don't mind not telling friends from work straight away, I'm not one for a big fuss anyway, but I also don't know how long her Dad will be poorly or if it may get worse yet. It feels like awful timing and I really don't want to feel like I'm parading my happiness whilst she's going through such a hard time but I don't know what to do?

Any thoughts?

I would leave it for now. Her feelings are more important. Focus on how you can support her as a friend.

I would postpone telling anyone at work until things have settled down for her a bit.

I'd just tell her, she might be glad of a distraction and happy news. If we held off telling people things there'd never be a good time for someone.

Yeah, it's only an engagement. Meant kindly, but it doesn't really matter to your colleagues.

I'd leave it personally

Tell her, but don’t make a big deal out if it, e.g. “hey X, how’s your dad doing today? Obviously this isn’t important given everything going on, but I just wanted to let you know i got engaged, I just didn’t want you hearing from other people. Thinking of you and your family”.

She might also welcome being distracted from everything even for a few mins. I hope her dad pulls through!

@GreenLunchBox

Yeah, it's only an engagement. Meant kindly, but it doesn't really matter to your colleagues.

Yeah I mostly agree with this tbh.

It doesn't need to be turned into a big thing, just drop her a message in a few days or something and let her know.

You'll have to not wear your ring for a few weeks in that case. If you do people will notice anyway.

It might be a welcomed bit of good news your friend could do with, but do it gently, and don't get upset if they don't react how you would like them too.

I'd leave it, says jay other things on her mind.
Congratulations

Begin the message with an enquiry about her father
Then say - wanted you to know before telling colleagues that I got engaged. Looking forward to chatting with you about it when the time is right
Love to you and you dad and, as ever, let me know if i can do anything

I think it’s ok to tell her, just do it in a sensitive way. ‘Hey just wanted to let you know that x and I got engaged this week. I know you have a lot going on but wanted to tell you before I spread the news at work. Hope that’s ok. Thinking of you and your family and please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. X’

It wasn't until my dad died that I realised that other people's good news and my grief didn't have any correlation. I was perfectly capable of being happy for others while being devastated for myself. I wouldn't have gone to a party or any celebration, but it wouldn't have made me feel worse about losing my dad. I'd feel sadder that you left me out of the loop.
I'd just ring her and tell her, not make a big issue of it or go into detail unless she asks, and ask mainly about her dad. Let her lead the way.

I don’t see a problem with mentioning it in a ‘by the way we got engaged at the week-end’ then talk about something else.

Definitely don’t make a big deal about any future wedding plans at this stage. Presumably you won’t be wanting to get married for ages yet?

As others have hinted, I think most of us find other peoples wedding plans very boring and the only people really interested in the minutiae detail are the bride and her family and maybe a few women who seem to like chatting about stuff like that.

Are you engaged with a wedding date? If not then no-one needs to know yet. It's only when wedding plans start that people are interested.

I think you can tell her, but in a sensitive way. As in "Hi Sarah, hope you and your family are doing well. I just wanted to let you know that Mr Best wishes and I got engaged this weekend. I know you have much more to deal with and I completely understand that, I just wanted to let you know myself so you didn't hear it from anyone else. Anyway, I hope your dad is doing ok, here anytime you need to talk. Lots of love BestWishes xx"

(However if her dad is literally in his last few days, then I would say nothing to her) I've been in your friends position and I would have appreciated the distraction, even for a minute.

@Pinkbrush

Tell her, but don’t make a big deal out if it, e.g. “hey X, how’s your dad doing today? Obviously this isn’t important given everything going on, but I just wanted to let you know i got engaged, I just didn’t want you hearing from other people. Thinking of you and your family”.

She might also welcome being distracted from everything even for a few mins. I hope her dad pulls through!

This is a good text!

Congratulations to you OP!! & also kudos for being such a kind and thoughtful person when your friend is having a tough time.

I would leave it

If anything is going on Social Media she needs to know. Being tired and upset will make her more sensitive if he finds out from another source. I would tell her without going into a big excitement. The excitement can be shared with others.
Congratulations..

A friend called me to tell me she was engaged just after my mum died - tbh while I was happy for her, I could have lived without having to chat about it because literally the only thing I could focus on was my horrible all-encompassing grief. Can you tell her by text or email? Then she doesn’t have to feign enthusiasm if she’s feeling very distracted by her worries about her dad.

(Of course it may be that I’m horribly self-involved and most people would welcome the chance to discuss someone’s engagement rather than focus on their own sad circumstances.)

I’d leave it. I wouldn’t appreciate a text in such circumstances. It’s a bit: hey, sorry about your devastating news but yay I’m really happy

(I wouldn’t mind though if I heard the news from someone else, I’d understand why you hadn’t told me)

@Candleabra

I’d leave it. I wouldn’t appreciate a text in such circumstances. It’s a bit: hey, sorry about your devastating news but yay I’m really happy

(I wouldn’t mind though if I heard the news from someone else, I’d understand why you hadn’t told me)

Depends how close surely My best friend of 24 years? Would be odd to hear it from a colleague although i would understand her motivation

Congratulations!

As others have said, tell her but don’t make a huge deal of it

I would be gutted if my best friend didn’t tell me about her happy news whatever situation I was in. The two have no correlation.

Obviously you’re not going to send a barbershop quartet to announce it but I assume you’re both in contact during this difficult time so you’re asking how her and her family are doing etc You can add your news into a message and like pps have said, you could mention you didn’t want her to find out from other people. I’m sure she will send her congratulations.

Congratulations op 🍾🥂

Honestly I wouldn't tell her. Having a relative hospitalised with covid is brutal and worrying.