AIBU to wear headphones around the house?

[workwoes123]

I discovered podcasts during the lockdown. I l love listening to them.I don’t have as much time for reading as I used to so podcasts are really great as a substitute as I can carry on doing whatever boring thing I’m doing around the house - cooking, cleaning, ironing, whatever - while listening.

I’m wondering though if this is fair to my family? I’m basically shut off to them. If they want to talk to me I have to stop what I’m doing, pause the podcast, pay attention, answer their questions, turn it back on. I have two kids (11 and 13) and a DH, and I confess I get a bit annoyed by the 10th question and just give up. And DH definitely gets annoyed if he has to come and tap me on the shoulder rather than shouting his question from another room.

I grew up with a mum who was (still is) a total bookworm: I remember her sighs / tuts when I interrupted her to ask a question, which I had to as she pretty much permanently had a book stuck in front of her face. Yet here I am wanting to do the same.

So what do you do? Do you use head phones around the house? Lots of the time or just at specific time? Do you tell your family not to interrupt you?

FYI I don’t actually wear headphones - I wear hearing aids which are Bluetooth linked to my phone, so it’s not obvious I’m listening to something at first glance - but this would be the same if I was using ear buds I guess.

So AIBU to listen to podcasts around the house while doing boring tasks? And not always be instantly available ? I’m interested in hearing from people with partners that do this too: how do you feel about it?

I listen to podcasts using AirPods and quite frankly, it's my downtime. Someone mentioned that their DD can go into their room if they want to listen to something on their own...but that's often not possible for busy adults. If I went into my room and closed the door, someone would soon be in there wondering what was wrong with me, that only happens when I'm ill, about once a year perhaps!

As PP's have said, it's a great way to make chores like cleaning and laundry more enjoyable. I'm inevitably interrupted by someone calling "Muuum" at an exciting moment in the story, but oh well.

Oh gosh I'd find this really rude if my DH did this often.

He sometimes will listen to a podcast or book while doing the dishes, when the kids are in bed etc. but for it to be a regular thing that he does while I'm around I'd find pretty hurtful.

I don't think it's ok when your kids are home.

Not unreasonable at all, given that you're doing household stuff whilst listening.

I do this. I have over the ear wireless ones. I only wear one ear at a time. Since fam are on the left, I wear on the right ear.

No different than my dh listening to news except that my dc 6 and 2 don't have to hear distressing news items (I'm only talking about r and cp:

I have one ear bud and DH doesn’t even notice. If he starts speaking I tap it to pause and carry on when he’s finished.

I think it has got the potential to make you less "available" to your family members. Personally I don't like having to get someone's attention to speak to them in the way people have described here , I just wouldn't talk to a distracted person unless it couldn't be avoided.

Designated earbud periods are one thing but doing it all the time would probably harm your relationships with the people you live with

I never do it, but I can tune out. My dh & teenage DD do it, I find it really annoying.

My ex did this. But he did it constantly and it was his way of checking out/being an arse/not wanting to be married anymore. I felt it was really rude but then tbh it was the cherry on the top of a giant arsehole.

I think it depends on the manner in which it's done. It does send a message. But then if it's not all the time and you're cracking on... I don't know, myself I like to be available if I'm available iyswim so the kids can ask me stuff, communicate. However if I'm unavailable, then they know that and know I don't want to be interrupted. I guess for me it's clear boundaries. It's fine to be unavailable sometimes, necessary even, but if every time you're in the house, you have your headphones on, your sending a pretty clear message.

I think this is a bit rude u less you are in the house by yourself. I'd be annoyed if DH did this

Whatever gets you through the chores. You don't need to be available 24/7 just because you're a mother. If your family don't like it maybe they could do the chores and you can sit and chat to them whilst they do. Plenty people doing paid work at home with kids that age, they're old enough to understand you're busy for a couple of hours.

@Anoisagusaris

My Dh does this and it’s really annoying. You have to repeat everything you say to him, and he is completely switched off to the kids while say making the dinner rather than multi tasking .

Yep, this for me. It’s super annoying to have to repeat everything and I find it quite rude to be honest. I’m all for having time to focus on activities you enjoy but if your family feels you’re unavailable for large parts of the day (and you’re presumably indicating your annoyance, even if subtly, at being interrupted) then maybe reconsider how long you’re doing it for.

My DH does this and it's really annoying. He has headphones on constantly which means everytime I need to ask him something quick I need to go stand next to him, tap him and wait for him to take them off. Also effectively leaves me in charge of the kids as they know he won't answer so find me and I am the only one who hears them bicker or cry.

I listen to podcasts when doing chores but generally on speaker. I use headphones if I go for a walk.

I think it's ok if it's limited times but rude if it's always as you are isolating yourself.

It’s fine so long as you’re still ‘available’ if they try to communicate.
No sighing or tutting

I think you are over thinking this

If ds wants to ask me something/to chat he will come up to me I’m not unavailable I’m just not responding to him shouting from the other room as I can’t hear him he knows this

I have things to get on with and he is gaming/chatting with friends etc

If you were having dinner or watching a film altogether and you kept your headphones on that would be making yourself unavailable

I wear mine when doing housework, it’s code for ‘do not interrupt me’

Also when cooking and this is the time I usually phone DM. It saves me an hour a day as I can multitask

I don’t see the problem. I don’t have children, but DH and I both do chores with wireless headphones in. It’s only for a few hours, a couple of times a week. If I take one out, it automatically pauses, I can converse and then stick it back in and it resumes.

If you had younger children, my answer would be different, but I think your children are old enough to understand that you are busy with a chore; they should be able to entertain themselves for a bit and not constantly interrupt. As long as you make sufficient time to engage with them at other times during the day.

I have wireless Bluetooth earphones and I just stick one in and leave one out! Then you can hear them and enjoy the podcast. Also they have a little button you can click to pause and unpause without having to get your phone out

Nothing wrong with it but I wouldn't do it for a few hours everyday.

If you're doing it to the extent that you're eye rolling and sighing, like you complained that your mum used to do it, then maybe cut back on it a little.

I think it's fine if you are going to have just one pod in.
My Xmas present to me is going to be ear buds for this reason.

Both DH and I do this but we're not in the same room. He'll be in his studio working or tinkering away in the garage and I wear them when doing chores or pottering in the garden. If we're both in the same room like prepping for dinner or washing up in the kitchen we won't be in our own worlds. We both work from home in our own work space so we're quite used to leaving one another alone when engrossed in our own little worlds and then come back together to 'socialise' and communicate.

Yeah it is annoying having to repeat myself to dh when wearing ear buds. However I wouldn't expect him to do boring jobs with no ear buds just in case I started a conversation. Wearing them at dinner or on a family walk is rude, you aren't doing that.

You sound lovely but this is next level mum guilt. Prioritise yourself a little, being constantly available for conversation is not something your family should expect (and they probably don't).