AIBU to wear headphones around the house?

[workwoes123]

I discovered podcasts during the lockdown. I l love listening to them.I don’t have as much time for reading as I used to so podcasts are really great as a substitute as I can carry on doing whatever boring thing I’m doing around the house - cooking, cleaning, ironing, whatever - while listening.

I’m wondering though if this is fair to my family? I’m basically shut off to them. If they want to talk to me I have to stop what I’m doing, pause the podcast, pay attention, answer their questions, turn it back on. I have two kids (11 and 13) and a DH, and I confess I get a bit annoyed by the 10th question and just give up. And DH definitely gets annoyed if he has to come and tap me on the shoulder rather than shouting his question from another room.

I grew up with a mum who was (still is) a total bookworm: I remember her sighs / tuts when I interrupted her to ask a question, which I had to as she pretty much permanently had a book stuck in front of her face. Yet here I am wanting to do the same.

So what do you do? Do you use head phones around the house? Lots of the time or just at specific time? Do you tell your family not to interrupt you?

FYI I don’t actually wear headphones - I wear hearing aids which are Bluetooth linked to my phone, so it’s not obvious I’m listening to something at first glance - but this would be the same if I was using ear buds I guess.

So AIBU to listen to podcasts around the house while doing boring tasks? And not always be instantly available ? I’m interested in hearing from people with partners that do this too: how do you feel about it?

I was going to suggest listening on one earbud rather than both, but that obviously wouldn't work for you!

I listen to audiobooks/radio/podcasts while I get on with housework. It takes the boredom out of it for me. I don't think it's unreasonable, but wouldn't do it all day long.

I read, watch my own shows on my tablet and listen to audio books.
Sometimes a 40 minute episode of something can take me all day because I have to press pause to talk, listen, do a quick task.
It depends on how you react to these interactions.
I'm happy I get time to listen, read or watch anything as I've got a lot going on.
DH games on his computer in the living room with headphones on, we had a few stern words yesterday because I was talking to DS, DH assumed I was talking to him and huffed and puffed as he had to pause his game to listen to me (even though I wasn't talking to him).
So if you are rude, tutting, eye rolling etc then you either need to give yourself a time limit and tell everyone no interruptions for the next half hour unless urgent, turn it off before you get irritable with people, or stop being passive aggressive when your family are trying to interact with you.
Yes, it's annoying when you have to stop doing things you are enjoying, and it's great that you have something that breaks up the monotony of daily tasks but I don't think it's fair to openly look displeased that someone you love is trying to talk to you.

If my husband did that, to be honest it would annoy me. It would just feel like he was cutting himself off. I listen to podcasts but only when I am on my own.

If we are both home, we are either both doing jobs or neither doing jobs, so we tend to put music on that we both listen to while doing them.

However it really depends on what your family think about it and what they do themselves. If they are mostly on screens while you are doing this then it is much the same as when you have to interrupt them.

DH does this. I hate it. Fair enough if you are in by yourself, but when other people are in the house- or room!- who might want to interact with you it’s horrible. Rude, ignorant. It’s bad enough that the teen/preteen barely notice my presence, but I expect more from dh.

YANBU at all. This is what makes chores bearable - enjoyable time even. When I'm alone eg closed in the kitchen or no one home I wear 2 earbuds. When I want to keep an eye on DC or be able to respond then I just wear one.

Could you not listen on a speaker?

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads

That's been answered a good few posts back. 😀

DH and one of the dc do this, I have to say that it is really irritating. It's very much your choice, obviously, but with DH it meant that over time I just stopped bothering with the inconsequential chat that you make with family when you share a house. Not great for relationships. He does it less now though because of this.

Those of you suggesting using a speaker, with my AirPods in and my phone in my pocket, I can empty the dryer, carry the washing upstairs and move from room to room putting away, then pick up the bathroom bin, take it outside to empty it, take it back upstairs etc etc. It gives you complete freedom to get a load of jobs done, while listening to your thing. I can also Hoover with them in, as they cancel the noise. A speaker would be okay for cooking, or ironing.

I’m learning French by podcast and I wear my headphones when I’m doing chores like ironing or gardening or dog walking or hoovering (or the supermarket shopping!) when I wouldn’t really be speaking to anyone anyway.

I wouldn’t wear them just generally in the house while pottering if the kids were around though as they would probably interrupt me too much and I’d feel bad for ignoring them.

I use Aftershokz headphones for this very purpose.

They sit behind your ear and use bone conduction so you can still be aware of what’s going on around you.

I find I can adequately zone out on any irrelevant noise but be responsive when needed.

👆that should have read:

They sit in front and behind the ear.

Just make sure you DH knows not to effectionally stroke you on the bum, as per other thread on here.

I listen to loads of audiobooks on AirPods as I’m doing dull household tasks. Makes me much keener to do them! But, I do try to be mindful of if I’m really by myself, or if others are around. So if it’s just me in the kitchen, I’m listening. But if people start walking through, asking questions, looking to say anything, then out they come. (That’s why I love the airpods- I just take one out and it pauses. I don’t have to fumble around for the phone to pause it). I try to be only totally immersed if I’m the only one around. Or sometimes I’ll say “no questions please, I’m in the last 20 mins of the book!”

There’s a scene in the first Terminator movie where Sarah Connor’s room mate has headphones on and doesn’t hear him coming in …

If you read the 'reaction to bum touching' thread you will see how you have to tread carefully in this area. Good luck.

DH does this and it does annoy me sometimes tbh. I don't mind if it's when he's doing something that needs his full attention or is noisy anyway but if it's when he's cooking or just running the hoover around it's annoying as when he's cooking he won't multitask and clean up or do other things while he's waiting for the next step, he'll just listen to his phone. Plus he can't hear the doorbell or if toddler DD needs anything.

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads

DH does this. I hate it. Fair enough if you are in by yourself, but when other people are in the house- or room!- who might want to interact with you it’s horrible. Rude, ignorant. It’s bad enough that the teen/preteen barely notice my presence, but I expect more from dh.

So you really wouldn't do anything engrossing if someone else was in the house just in case they might want to talk to you? I would find it very difficult to never be able to do anything for myself just so that I was constantly available to other people if they decided they wanted my attention.

I listen to podcasts / bbc sounds while sorting washing, making the bed in my own room or when I'm upstairs.
Downstairs I tend to have it on loudspeaker as I'm more likely to be interrupted. I realise loudspeakers aren't an option. Can you tell your family that you will be doing the cooking / ironing and listening to something for the next half hour / hour so they know?

Go for it. Personally see wearing headphone while you are doing chores for your house and fmaily as a bear minimum. If I have to do these things I might as well get some enjoyment out of them!

I see it like having control over the radio in the car while you're the driver.

It drives me mad! Dh does it the last 6 months and he’s always unavailable then as he can’t hear. It’s like he then thinks he doesn’t have to participate in daily life apart from the one thing he’s doing

Ie the other day he was prep dinner with podcast on. I was changing baby Ds nappy upstairs. Door goes for delivery. He ignores doorbell, ignores me calling down, and it means I have to rush clean baby butt, wrap baby in towel and come down to answer door whilst he’s merrily chopping carrots in the kitchen obvious.

Dh also was ‘ sorting paperwork in office’ on the weekend. Ds fell over causing large nosebleed everywhere. I tried calling up to him as it would have been nice to have his help whilst Ds screaming and blood everywhere. Instead had to leave blood all over, calm and clean Ds up then go up and take headphone out and ask him to either come help clean or hold Ds who was upset.

It’s just annoying and antisocial. If I think of a question, I don’t want to have to wait an hour to ask as I have probably forgotten.

Omg yes! It's different if it's the radio, so you can still hear what's going on and interact with the family if need be. Can you listen on an Alexa device or something?

I’ve always got my cans on, listening to audiobooks. Almost the only time I don’t is when I’m playing with my kid.

DH wears headphones all the time at home, walks around from room to room with his ipad and it drives me insane. It basically makes him completely unavailable to the children and he wonders why there is a distance between them now they are late teens. If I was sitting in the lounge and they came through to the kitchen I would see them, be aware they are there, we might exchange a few casual words. If he was sat in the same position as me he would have no awareness of their presence and no words would be exchanged unless there was deliberate communication. As kids get older the deliberate exchanges get less and there are more casual words which might spark conversation. You had a mum who was unavailable to yo, why would you repeat the same. Either get bluetooth speakers in various rooms you can turn on and off as you get jobs done and move from room to room or assign specific time to uninterrupted listening via headphones.

No kids, but I do this and DH sometimes interrupts me to ask a question or tell me something. He often claims he didn't see I was wearing earbuds, which I suppose is possible, if he's not looking closely. It can be annoying if my hands are wet, but otherwise not a problem.

Especially if we had children, I wouldn't want to be shut off from everyone all the time, but I think it's reasonable to do it for shorter lengths of time. Particularly if you try not to look annoyed when the children need to ask you something.

A bluetooth speaker is fine sometimes, but I have one in my kitchen and if I'm doing something noisy, I still can't hear it comfortably without the volume turned high, which is not great when there are other people doing things nearby. Music is easier to hear, but podcasts are too easily muffled, imo. Besides, sometimes I want to listen to something more privately or that DH wouldn't enjoy hearing.