Is it unreasonable to expect to be able to have a daily update on DH?

[bloodywhitecat]

Currently in hospital after a stroke, non-verbal, poor memory and poor
understanding, can't use his phone to message or call me. For several days now I have had to ring the ward for hours to get an update, they have told me I can't call before 11 but since that time today I have tried every five minutes without success. No-one lets me know anything about what is happening with him. He also has terminal cancer. He has fallen out of bed and every time I manage to get into see him (for a whole hour) his table is on the wrong side (he has no use of the right side of his body) so he can't reach his drinks etc.

@Waitwhatwhy

That sounded incredibly condescending, I didn’t mean to be, I just know how hard it is as I’m dealing with the hospital too

It didn't, it felt came across as understanding and compassionate.

[quote PerfectlyUnsuitable]@TicTac80, yep the variation from one ward/hospital to the next is crazy.
In FIL case, NO visit at all were allowed. He spent his last 3 months in hospital alone because of that :([/quote]
We had that with our patients over last year and early this year (when visiting was completely stopped). It was horrible. We tried to stay with people so they wouldn't be alone when they died.

FIL died 2 weeks ago. You’d have hoped that they would have moved in from the no visit allowed at all.
Especially because they actually didn’t have anything in place. They didn’t even know his name! He ended up dehydrated (similar story than the OP. Given drinks he couldn’t actually grasp etc…).

The ones good thing they did was to move him to a hospital closer to home in his last 2 days. And said he was to be allowed all visits for whatever time people wanted. MIL had to fight for that again though (they were saying 1 hour, one person every other day ) but at least he wasn’t alone on his last day.

The 3+ months before were just cruel imo. Thee was no covid, nothing that could explain treating someone terminally ill like this.

@bloodywhitecat

Is the matron the same as the ward sister? The sister is the one who has told me that I still have to stick to the one hour thing despite everything.

No she's above the sister. Usually have a few wards to look after.

Why are you calling? Why aren't you there? Is this a dig at a lady going through as much as she is, or are you an idiot? Genuine question. My friend wasn't allowed to see her husband until he was literally about to die.

OP I'm so sorry. I know the hospital will say how busy they are but there is no excuse to not keep families informed. I have worked in care throughout the pandemic. We have been so busy, we have also had no support from anyone. Even worse pay than the hospital staff so having to work even more hours. However we do it because we care about our residents. And have kept their families informed at all times. In fact doing more than ever to keep families informed. Some homes have only had 2 staff for 40 plus residents with dementia. Still kept the families informed though otherwise we'd have CQC coming in to tell the world how shit we are! You are his wife. You deserve to be informed. Please speak up and continue speaking up to pals/matron/whoever you possibly can.

I'd go to safeguarding too as they're abusing him by taking away his ability to hydrate himself.

DH once spent a month in a hospital over an hour away. It was impossible to have a conversation with anyone. Luckily in the second week he could communicate directly with me but the first week was hell.
I did go there a lot but with a small child it was difficult. I had to beg for a change in the visiting hours so I could actually go see him. They would then ring me to ‘drop stuff off’ or pick him up for an overnight and I’d explain where I lived…again…

Friends mum was in a local hospital. Wasn’t allowed in, took 3 days and multiple complaints to find out why she was in. She’d gotten a voicemail whilst she was at work to tell her they were taking her in. Didn’t know what was wrong and how unwell she was. The system is ridiculous.

Demand to go in and be with him. It's all so fucking arbitary, they make it up as they go along. Covid is being used as a massive excuse in my opinion. My dad died during the pandemic and some of the "care" I saw was shocking. I don't think my dad would have died if they hadn't prevented visiting. It's fucking heartbreaking. So sorry for you op but be strong and question everything they tell you. How can a hospital not cater to his having lost the use of one side. It's inexcusable.

The odd thing with hospitals is that they refuse patients visitors, but the staff there are only face masked and gloved up anyway. Staff still go home to their (sometimes infected) children that have been in school all day. The staff are also dealing with lots of patients, whereas a visitor may completely self isolate and only touch the one patient, never go to shops etc. Its a daft rule. Yes restrict it to one visitor per patient, let them feed the patient and free up staff (particularly on the weekend where not much treatment goes on anyway)

On my ward, we wear scrubs and the full PPE (of course, it will be different on different wards). And we have to isolate at home (until we get a negative PCR) if our children (or we) have symptoms of covid. If someone in our household is covid positive, we have to isolate at home (despite having the vaccinations plus booster) for 14 days, and we are only allowed back at work with a negative PCR at the end of the 14 days. Maybe it's different in other places?

Thinking on it, I do wish there were uniform rules throughout. I mean, for visiting as well. I get it would have to differ for say, ITU, paeds, L+D etc. Also, I understand that if there were places with a high prevalence of infections, then I guess that they'd have to be more cautious.

But, don't you think it gets quite confusing? I know the rules for where I work, yet it's so different in other places! So I'll say one thing, another person who's been/worked in a different Trust will say something else etc etc. Mind you, I don't work in Infection Control! So they'll know more than me about why these rules/regs are in place. Bit of a minefield really!!

Where dh is visitors have to wear a new mask, gloves and apron. What gets me most annoyed is that patients who are well enough can go off the ward and meet however many people they want in the busy hospital cafe, with no ppe, but a lot of patients who are bed bound still aren’t allowed visitors. All the surrounding trusts are allowing some visiting.