To keep DS home from school until a staff member rings me back?

[DietCokeChipsAndMayo]

DP & I have very different opinions on this situation and it’s something we don’t really have any experience with so I would appreciate some advice on who is in the right here

DS is 12 and he text me very upset on Thursday about what I would say is bullying, this has been going on for a while but escalated massively on Thursday lunchtime and I went and picked him up from school, I asked the head of year to call me at this time
I told DS he didn’t have to go in school on Friday until I’d spoke to someone
Friday morning I ring and say he’s not coming in and ask again for someone to call me to discuss the situation, nobody does, so just before the end of the day I rang again and no answer so I left a message saying we will not be sending DS back into school until someone has rang me back

DP thinks he should go in on Monday because “he can’t just miss school for no reason and nothing will be solved in one phonecall anyway”
I don’t think for a minute it will all be solved in one phonecall but I don’t want to send him in until staff are at least aware of the situation (DS has never let me ring a teacher or anything before and the boys picking on him have always passed it off as playfulness/banter and have been pretending to be his friends so far, he’s now accepted they are not his friends and is letting me get involved so staff so far know nothing)

So - WIBU to keep him at home until a memeber of staff is made aware of the situation? Or send him in and hope someone rings, not knowing what will happen with these boys in the meantime?

Yabu - send him in
Yanbu- keep him home

Go onto the school website and download their anti-bullying policy, and also their safeguarding policy. Ask to speak to the safeguarding lead. If they do not get in touch, make contact with the safeguarding governor (their name will be on the website) and tell them your concerns, not just about your son, but also about the lack of response from school.

Personally I would keep him home from school until the matter has been sorted.

@Heartofglass12345

I would keep him at home. I think bullying is always played down as messing around etc, but we know the psychological effects of bullying can last years and unfortunately has made children harm themselves or worse Schools need to take it seriously, they clearly still aren't or it wouldn't be happening!

This.

Bullying is fucking horrible and is really a form of psychological, if not physical, abuse.

We wouldn’t expect an adult to return to a toxic work environment with liaison with HR so why should we do the same for a child?

Email the Head of Year and CC in the head and deputy and reiterate he is not going to be in until you have been assured that this is on their radar. Keep a note of every interaction you have with the school and every instance your son tells you about.

Your poor boy, hope he is OK, bullying is horrible.

You cannot send him back to school until you can be sure he’ll be mentally and physically safe. Without speaking to them, you can’t know that they will be ensuring this. Email HOY, and the designated safeguarding lead (this should be on their website).

It’s rubbish, my DS is the smallest boy in Year 8. He hates it and would rather stay home.

Sorry I wasn’t clear but both times I rang I said I wanted to discuss some bullying
When I picked him up I just told them he wasn’t feeling well as he was texting me saying very briefly what had happened and that he was now alone crying in the bathroom so I just wanted to get him out of there ASAP, I did ask HofY to call me at that point but didn’t specify why, however when I rang the next morning after getting the whole story once DS was calm I did state it was regarding bullying and that that was the reason he wasn’t in school, and again in the message I left later on on Friday

Thankyou all for the practical advice and I’m so sorry to hear others are going through or have been through similar - children can be so cruel

In which case keep him off and email and be clear why Good luck

I would suggest emailing HOY and AHOY. I'm a head of Year and it is almost impossible to get me on the phone. I also don't always get given phone messages. I always tell parents to email me as then I can deal with it as soon as I am in the office. It's so much easier that way.

Funnily enough, I was dealing with a very similar issue last week and the parent wouldn't send her child in, which meant it was really difficult to investigate.