To want to know what legal steps I need to take here?

[Welshmaenad]

Sorry, might be long. Posting for traffic and brutal honesty from AIBU vipers.

I am in the process of divorcing, separated nearly 6 years, 2DC, elder doing GCSEs this summer, younger yr7. I am in a relationship with DP, who was a partner from before I married STBH. We have been friends since, I remained very close to his parents, who have always been very supportive of me and my DC. We got back together earlier this year.

We have been discussing options for moving in together at some point. He lives in my home area, I live about 40 minutes away, I moved there to live with STBXH and bought my own house local to him when we split. My job, my remaining family (aDd, DBIL, nieces, aunts uncles cousins etc) and most of my friends are in my home area. I really want to go home. There's much more there for the DC and schools are better. I am also disabled with a chronic illness which is deteriorating and the extra support would be beneficial to all of us.

MIL and FIL have raised the idea that the DC and I move in with them (DP currently lives with them for various reasons). They have a large house that would happily fit us all, and we could split expenses. They have a small mortgage remaining on the house and a few bits of work that ideally need doing over the next few years.

I trust them, and my DP, implicitly. However DP has two older half sisters, one with some contact, one who had not bothered with PIL for years (FILS child but raised by MIL). I have some concerns about particularly the latter trying to challenge for an inheritance when PIL are gone.

I don't know what the hell kind of legal agreement would be needed regarding the house if I am going to be paying half the mortgage/expenses if we move in, and how best to broach this with MIL and FIL without causing offence re their daughters. If anyone has been in this situation with multigenerational living I'd appreciate input. It's all just an idea at present and any move would need to wait for an appropriate time in the children's schooling etc.

Am I asking for trouble or could this work?

@Horst

Could you not buy a percentage of the house so your joint owners that way your share is protected and yours regardless of what they do inheritance wise. So if they need 200k for improvements you buy 200k percentage of the house and they then have the moment for improvements.

I think this is probably the way forward. I guess I would need a property solicitor to sort this out if we proceed?

It sounds like it could be potentially a good idea, provided that you sort all the legalities out up front and before you do anything else. You will need an agreement that details ownership, maintenance, capital improvements, inheritance, and any changes in this that might happen over the years. Watch out for purposeful deprivation of assets traps and weird situations where dp and 1 parent die but not you and the other parent. Write in what happens if you all fall out and need to unwind the whole situation.
Plan for the worst and hope for the best

@Didiusfalco

If it were me, I would keep my house, rent it out and pay pil a small rent. If they only have a small mortgage, you can’t very well think you can go off with the whole value after they die, and what if they need it for care home costs?

No, that's not what I think at all! I just want to protect any significant investment, for my DCs sake. I think PP's suggestion of becoming proportional joint owner with any investment is probably the best idea.

Making some changes to facilitate care at home if needed would be part of the work. It would benefit me as well as them to make the property more accessible, and means we could commit to keeping them at home for as long as possible.

means we could commit to keeping them at home for as long as possible.

Is that wise?

With your health issues that could be putting a massive burden on your DP.

That’s something you need to be brutally, brutally honest with yourself - and each other - about. What are your expectations and what are your realistic capabilities.

You need proper legal and tax advice. It is possible to buy a share of the property - you would each own a defined share as tenants in common which would protect it from your SiLs and would ensure you had something if you and DP split up but this potentially has some inheritance tax consequences.

I'd suggest hanging on to your own house for now but moving in with them for 2 years without any claim on the house. You would pay your share of bills and food and potentially towards a sinking fund for bigger jobs but until you and Dp are absolutely committed, keep an escape route open.

@JustLyra

means we could commit to keeping them at home for as long as possible.

Is that wise?

With your health issues that could be putting a massive burden on your DP.

That’s something you need to be brutally, brutally honest with yourself - and each other - about. What are your expectations and what are your realistic capabilities.

We're definitely on the same page about that. It's something both our families have done with older relatives. Nursing or residential placement would be an absolute last resort. We would arrange for home care with regard to personal care etc which I would be physically unable to manage - I work in this field so I know exactly what support will be available and the financial implications, which will be manageable.

You are crazy to consider this .
It’s got the potential to go wrong in 100 ways
Save yourself the hassle and just buy a house in your old area

Madness to trust people who have supported and helped me for twenty years, through some really tough times in my life?

I have two of my closest friends who've fallen out with their family over property and money. Parents, children, siblings all a mess and not talking to each other. If a tight knit family can go tits up over property, I can imagine it'd be a lot easier to fall out with no blood ties.

It starts with a little niggle about something, and then takes off and spirals downwards. If you'd told me 5 years ago these petty arguments would turn into full scale no contact and fratching over money through solicitors, I simply wouldn't believe you. They were all such kind and reasonable people.

With your health issues that could be putting a massive burden on your DP

And your children. Living with (or supporting) 3 people who need care.

@BlueTouchPaper

With your health issues that could be putting a massive burden on your DP

And your children. Living with (or supporting) 3 people who need care.

3?

It's a total recipe for Disaster! Any number of things could and probably will go wrong and you'll have either no say over it, or get into protracted legal battles with the parents, or DP, or his sisters.
Rent your own existing home out and pay rent to the dp's parents.Stay financially independent. You're not even married to DP and even if you were, his sisters will want their share of any inheritance in due course (assuming the house isn't sold to pay for parents' care in the future.
Let DP and/or his parents raise the money for the repairs/ improvements and you remain stress free and independent.
Consider hanging your mortgage to an interest only BTL mortgage (if possible) which will enable you to keep a bigger portion of the rental income. However, there are tax implications too, including capital gains tax if you sold.

I personally would not give up the security of owning my own property outright like you do where you are. I know it all sounds great to you, but the logistics appear to be fraught with potential problems - for example what happens if you split up with DP? Where do you go?

I know it sounds depressing and you firmly believe that will not happen, fair enough but you absolutely need to consider what if.

Keep your house, rent it out, live with PILs and you and DP pay rent to them.

I am sorry OP, but I would run a mile from an arrangement like this, no matter how loving and caring you all are to each other.

Unless you actually physically own a share of the house then the PIL can basically do what ever they want with the property. They can sell it, gift it, will it outside of you and your DP. Worst case scenario is that they could take your money, your help and support in their old age and then leave it to DPs sisters, cutting you and your DP out altogether, or the value of the house could be spent on care home needs. You need to protect any investment in a legally binding way - and that may mean tricky conversations, but they will need to be had. You've got your own children to consider in this equation . Handing over cash to your PIL in return for what? It needs ringfencing.

Another consideration would be if you were to die prior to PIL/DP what would happen to your asset? What would happen to your children? At the moment your property could be willed to them. Once the money has been sucked up into another persons house what then? If you make no attempt a ring fencing the value, and the house ends up in the control of your DP but you've died what happens to the money you put into the property? Your DC will likely not benefit as once you've gone you've no control over the asset - which is why you need practical legal advice and a cast iron will.
You probably also need to consider deprivation of assets should they need to go into a care home - with all the best intentions in the world your DP is not going to be able to look after you (in failing health), increasingly frail parents, and your DC as well as holding down a job. Even with carers as support. Its a thousand times daft.

You could be better of selling both houses and buying somewhere new to house you all with tenants in common split equitably across the four of you (what finance is your DP bringing to the party?)

So...
Who suggested this plan - them or DP or both?
Were you intending keeping your rental income/small property or selling it and are therefore asking how to ringfence the proceeds if making renovations?
Why does your soon to be ex not pay maintenance? Have you thought about chasing this?
How old are your PIL?
How can you help care for them or do maintenance of the house if you are coping yourself with disability?
What do your children's father and grandparents his side think of you moving 40 miles away?
How do the children feel about new school and living arrangement?

Why would rental/split costs, if proportionate, be expected to be taken as equity or, as above, are you giving a lump sump from your house?
As a pp said, would keeping your tenanted house and just paying rent here, and if they pass away, your DP gets his third, not be more realistic or does that leave you both homeless and unable to buy a property in a different area when the time comes?

Could PIL not put in a covenant giving you and DC and DP right to live in property for aa long as you like?

Why do you consider half-sisters to have no reasonable claim? Are you in England or Scotland?

You need to take legal advice,OP to ensure you have a future-proof agreement that protects everyone’s interests.

There are many ways of doing this

one option is for you to sell your house, pay off the mortgage and fund repairs to your in law’s home in exchange for a share of their house equivalent to the value of your investment. You should be registered with the land registry as co owner. You will then reap the benefit of any increase in value.

The drawback is that you may have to have to sell the house/remortgage if:

a) Either of your in laws incurs liability for council- funded nursing home fees and their value of their share in the home is taken into consideration.

b)Your in laws’ children inherit their share and want to cash in their inheritance.

a) is a particularly complex area of law.

Legal advice is essential.

Why do you not have money from the dc father? Unless he is on benefits he should be contributing to their keep.

Buying a house that needs lots of work etc seems an odd decision with your needs/life....

Sounds like your funds are being used to prop up your pil house/,lifestyle and your DP.. living in the big family house
Why is he living there /doing all this maintenance etcetera

...why don't they sell the big high maintenance house and move to more appropriate accommodation for their needs?

They could then use those funds for care/inheritance whatever...

Could you and do buy it together?

Seriously please don't do this without legal advice....although you seem to have decided you're going to do it anyway

I would invest your money in a buy to let tbh due to the nursing home/care issue as well as the inheritance issue tbh.

Pay your share of bills of course.

Asking for trouble IMO. It also seems like a massive change to make when there are two children involved and they barely know these people. Surely they can barely now your partner at this point?

You absolutely must get legal advice on this. We looked into a similar arrangement with my mum - me and DP are rock solid, she adores him, I’m an only child it all seemed perfect.

In fact once a solicitor started taking us through the detail of what would happen in the event of a split or illness or death or any of the million things that could happen in life we pulled the plug. I think you need to be very very careful.

Why do you think the SIL won’t expect or take a legal case for their inheritance just because you live in and update the house to suit your needs?

@BurntO

Asking for trouble IMO. It also seems like a massive change to make when there are two children involved and they barely know these people. Surely they can barely now your partner at this point?

They have known my partner and his parents their entire lives.

@Dancingonmoonlight

Why do you think the SIL won’t expect or take a legal case for their inheritance just because you live in and update the house to suit your needs?

The house isn't their inheritance, because it isn't willed to them. I'm just slightly concerned they (actually, more the one who is non contact) will challenge this.

Hopefully not a situation to face for many years as PIL are still relatively young and sprightly! It's just one of the many things swirling round in my head as I mull this over.

Sorry I've not had a chance to respond in detail to everyone yet but your responses have been really helpful and detailed and given me lots to think about.

Agreeing with other users, this sounds absolute insanity, frankly even if DP was your DH of a decade this sounds like it has the potential to go belly up.

As above keep your house and rent it out, move in with them and pay a small rent- if they are smart with the money a couple of hundred extra quid a month would tide the mortgage/ improvements.

Other options crossed my mind like you future proofing by buying a ground floor flat etc in home place, but moving in with PIL and renting it out until the kids have grown up.

I do wonder- are your DP and PIL expecting such a formal arrangement with huge transfers of assets? Whose idea is all this?
Crazy to be thinking of inheritance of two people who are alive, kicking, and unrelated to you, you need protection of your assets right now.

Say you do go ahead with this (frankly bonkers) idea and buy a % of their house. What happens if you and your DP split up? Would you expect the parents to give you back your money? Also, what financial support will your DP contribute to this arrangement? Who has the house been willed to?

It sounds like you’re not looking at this from a financial and practical viewpoint. You’ve seen that you can move in with a lovely couple in a lovely house - it’ll all be tickety boo and work out just wonderfully. However, the house won’t really be your children’s home - it’ll be Fred and Flo’s house that they are living in.

Are they willing to sell you a percentage in their property?