To reply to school all guns blazing!

[Tinkerbellone]

Sorry this is long. Added background details so I don't have to drip feed.

My DD14 is in year 9. She had a terrible year in Y7. Struggled massively with transition and friendships. Began self harm behaviours. This resulted in absences and below 90% attendance for Y7.

Y8 was some absence but more settled. And school was closed a lot due to covid. Received a letter from school at end of Y8 they were monitoring her absence and I could be fined if medical evidence wasn't provided for any further absences.

Now in Y9. DD is under weekly CAMHS for therapy for emotional regulation (she is suspected ADHD).

She has had 3.5 unauthorised days off so far this year due to self harm and one due to very bad period pains.

I have had a a really snotty letter from school. Threatening me with a fine. (She has had 3.5 days off in a six week rolling period) 0.5 was due to being late because her trousers split.

I am a supportive parent of school. I never criticise school. I don't ring in when she can tackle things her self.

DD is very compliant and well behaved, works hard but does lack the emotional resilience of her peers and is often seeking pastoral support

I'm so upset by this letter. Getting her into school is such a battle. I try my absolute best. I'm a working (part time), single parent. She is one of 4, two of which have autism.

I am so angry that I want to write a real strongly worded letter and send photographs of her self harm, which are nasty; (I record it for camh's) along the lines of 'is this the kind of medical evidence you require!!?'

AIBU in expecting them to make allowances because of her needs or just suck it up and pay the fine?
Or am tired at the end of my tether

(They also spelt her name wrong all the way through the letter, which is a smaller niggle).

I sympathise OP.

DD is self harming and has had a lot of time off. I paid for a private consultation for her since we couldn't even get through to our surgery by phone (and no other way to contact them).

I got a similar letter about "requiring medical evidence for further absences".

She recently went to the sick room so school called me and the woman on the phone said "and I see she cannot be off without medical evidence" I jovially pointed out that wasn't likely given that no-one in our town get get through to the doctors - she agreed and we left it at that.

I was once in court for an unrelated issue but one of the previous cases was a mother who was in front of Court for her DD's non attendance at school. She outlined how she'd really tried. To my surprise the Magistrates agreed she had done all she could and that there was no point in fining her.