To wonder what your colleagues do that drive you insane?

[RainbowBriteUk]

My office is open plan and my colleagues are wonderful BUT there's this one person who eats nuts with the crispy edge. I don't know what they're called but they're so noisy to eat and to add, he's not the quietest eater at the best of times so the horrid crunch sound and then the wet eating sloppy sound drives me insane. It's at regular intervals of the day too! I take myself off for a long poo at these times when it gets too much!

Thankfully rare, but some particular annoyances are:

• Colleagues who appear out of nowhere and ask "do you mind if I just pick your brains for 2 minutes?", before asking a very complex question with an extensive drip-feed of information.
• Colleagues who treat me as an "ambulance service" for their poorly thought out projects. (My job is to advise on the appropriate design from the start, not to be a polishing service for a turd I would never have allowed to be defecated in the first place had I been consulted).
• Colleagues who copy me into very long and involved email chains about something I have no prior knowledge of, with some text such as "[my name] can you pls advise if this is right?". If what is right, who is this for, what are the deadlines, what's the context, where are the attachments that are referenced???
• Colleagues who put a meeting in my calendar with a vague title but no further explanation. Eg "[unfamiliar acronym] catch-up", "External seminar planning" etc. What's this about, should I be worried, what do I need to prepare?

My colleague tells lies , they tell great long unbelievable stories , going into minute detail of exactly who said what , they always make themselves the hero too.

I have caught them out so many times- they were telling us the other day about the big bonus they were paid while working for the NHS , when I said the NHS don’t pay bonuses (I’m also ex NHS) they said their boss got special permission from the accounts department.
Told me how they met their partner at a funeral ,( they saved the day by doing all the flowers when the florist ‘forgot’ ) and then told another colleague they met at school.
Drives me mad .

A guy who doesn't listen to feedback but then does the feedback actions and takes credit for the idea!

A lady who literally cannot finish a sentence. She talks in half sentences.

She'll sometimes start a sentence in the middle and expect people to know what she's on about but doesn't finish a sentence either

So annoying

I had one who asked me constant questions that he should know. If you forwarded an e-mail from the mailbox he’d say ‘what do they want’ I don’t know read the e-mail. We had our own accounts so well knew who each item should be sent to. Came up to ask me a question I said ‘sorry I’m on my lunch break!’ He looked at me oddly then asked the question, I just read-iterated ‘I’m on my break!’

The one who did so much more work than everyone else. Except she didn’t, we just made much less noise about it. FitbsomebreDon every time I stood up she’d sit on my chair to talk to our boss who I sat next to. However when I came back she wouldn’t move so I had to stand there like a dick.

Recently, the guy who makes constant inappropriate chat, screeches out forced laughter and cannot spell or punctuate. Total lazy fucker that I got the unfortunate joy of being his mentor. He’d ask really obvious questions that we all had to know. There were also two types of client and based on that was how decisions were made (it had legal implications). He’d ask me a question and I’d say ‘are they x or why?’very easy as it was a checkbox on the screen. 99% of the time he hadn’t checked so I’d say ‘find out’. I’d tell him to do one thing, he’d do the complete fucking opposite or sit there like a tube and go ask his mate (who was my skill level) who would say the same thing I had. I would the. Get in trouble for incorrect training because he didn’t do what I said and just cause loads of issues . His work was a mess…I sorted it out so many times. I once spent the 20th December handholding him through the day so he could fuck off for two weeks whilst I neglected my work and I was in for the full Christmas period! I actually think he was slightly thick.

When someone you don't know sits next to you and would quite happily not introduce themselves or have a chat for the entire day. I find it so rude! I used to go out of my way to ask people their name etc but have completely given up now.

People who judge you for working from home a couple of days a week when they do the same. Clearly just jealous that you're at home while they're in the office.

When you book a meeting room and someone slinks in and claims it as their own. What's the point in having a bloody booking system!?

People who think the company will grind to a halt in their absence.

Those that try to talk to you about work when you're clearly on lunch.

Lazy arses - Teflons! Can't get anything to stick to them.

Another one who narrates everything he reads/thinks/does. He literally can’t be quiet. One day I timed him, and the longest he went without speaking was 45 seconds.

I used to have a colleague who talked non-stop. I couldn’t work and reply to her, so I let the others respond to her. This was probably the reason she didn’t like me very much. But it was like having a radio on in the corner of the room.

She was always annoyed with her children, or her children’s school, or the builders, or the fact that she was putting on weight despite going to Slimming World, or her inability to go anywhere without leaving something behind, “so I had to drive all the way back, so I said ‘I have just had enough today’, so for tea we had frozen pizzas and Viennetta”. Her catchphrase was, “so, I was livid, I was absolutely fuming”.

Then she’d go home, leaving her dirty mug and a load of sweet papers on her desk, for the poor woman who used the desk the following day to clear up.

@willithappen

Narrates EVERYTHING they are doing, away to do, need to do - out loud.

I just wanna scream shut up

Ditto!!! I have a team member who does this and it drives me around the bend!

'Po-hay-hoes' is comedy gold, but I can totally understand the absolute teeth-grinding awfulness of having to put up with it every day at work.

I temped in a call centre for 5 weeks last year whilst I was between jobs and, fuck me, the array of socially-and-professionally malfunctioning humans in that setting was eye-opening to say the least. The amount of totally inappropriate conversations and behaviour blew my mind.

@NCkitchen

A lady who literally cannot finish a sentence. She talks in half sentences.

She'll sometimes start a sentence in the middle and expect people to know what she's on about but doesn't finish a sentence either

So annoying

Ugh, that sounds

They don’t switch over when Steve Wright comes on Radio 2.

The people who come to work and then go and make breakfast and eat it at their desks.

Have your breakfast before you come like everyone else and bloody start work at the time you are meant to.

What gives you the right to have a bit more time off?

Drives me mad.

Oh where do I start?

2 person office.
She's rude. To customers and staff outside of office.
She's lazy - she sits there eating and on her tablet while I do the work. She just doesn't focus or pay attention and sits back with me sorting everything out.
She burps and farts openly. Even with customers in the office.
She has terrible toilet issues which I have to hear all about.
She makes an incredible amount of mistakes and never holds her hands up. She will lie in an attempt to cover her tracks. Which is completely pointless.

She acts like the place would fall apart without her but honestly it would be so much bloody better without her

Lose the drugs keys all the fucking time so you have to go round and ask every singe person when you want to change out a syringe pump,
Not ideal when you're on icu and the syringe pump is what is keeping your patient asleep!

Not strictly a colleague but theres a woman who works on the phones for the agency I do extra shifts for and the sound of her voice sets my teeth on edge I can't concentrate on what she's saying because her voice is so high pitched and gratey. I've been known to be on hold for 30 mins have her answer the phone and put the phone down and try again.

[quote MintyGreenDream]@sammylady37 what accent has she got? That's bizarre[/quote]
Wexford, in the South East of Ireland

[quote Jibberjabberhutt]@sammylady37 madness! What age is she? Is it a regional accent thing?[/quote]
Mid 40s, from the South East in Ireland.

I'm the only female in a completely male workplace, it's mostly fine but there's one guy who is just vile. I get hourly updates across the desk about his colon.

'Ooh I think I need a big shit' 'I had shepherds pie last night, I bet it's going to come out the same' 'I just farted' 'I've just had a shit' etc etc.
And today...'I just farted, did your keyboard rattle?'

Fucking unbelievable. I eventually printed a Bristol Stool Chart off so he could just give us a number.

Cooks fish in the only microwave.

@NCkitchen

A lady who literally cannot finish a sentence. She talks in half sentences.

She'll sometimes start a sentence in the middle and expect people to know what she's on about but doesn't finish a sentence either

So annoying

I work with one these too! He usually ends the half sentence with "err kind of". I'm actually going to count how many times he says it in a meeting one day! He's really senior but when he talks that's all I hear! Noisy eaters Sniffers People who don't wipe up when they spill milk / coffee etc in the kitchen. People who send emails asking you to do something but don't put a deadline on it and then complain it's late. People who walk to your desk to tell you they've sent you an email. Completely blanking emails / messages and not replying. Organising meetings / training sessions over lunchtime. Leaving pots in the sink instead of opening the dishwasher door. Leaving tissue and paper towels on the bathroom floors - we have those dispensers that use sheets and they tend to dispense more than you expected but pick it up and put it in the bin ffs!! Do they leave tissue paper all over the floor at home?!? Maybe they do...... Oh, and I'm the person who microwaves fish that they probably all complain about

These are amazing

Colleagues who want to tell you every bit of their boring lives without asking you a single question. I had a ex colleague who I knew all about what salary her adult dc earned how amazing their jobs were and pretty much every detail about their lives even though I’ve never met them nor do I care . Honestly this colleague didn’t even know my dh name and I’d worked there 5 years .
Another colleague currently going through a shit time granted but uses her colleagues as therapists. Arrived late then spends 20 minutes discussing the daily drama’s of her life then will make a coffee then eventually log on . This will carry on through the day and she wonders why doesn’t get much done . I’ve sympathy with these people but ffs do some bloody work and stop being so self obsessed we all have shit going on in our lives but we don’t bend the ear of anyone that will listen .

One who splurges every intimate detail about her sex life and how he doesn't shower after the deed but she has too 🚿🤔🤢. I have no interest in her or her life at all.

Another who dominates every conversation and steers it back to herself every time. Another who thinks covid is stuff and nonsense, closes every single window every single time until one of us is brave enough to try and open it again.

But really they are a good bunch.

I drove for 8 hours yesterday home from a break and then got up at 6 this morning to drive to the office for a nine am filming session(for an away day I am not going to but which I came up with the concept for the filmed segment for our team) only to get a teams message from my line manager saying they were not feeling well and to go ahead without them. The 3rd member of the team didn’t turn up either. Thanks for that - no apology beyond an oh yeah should have texted. Typical soooo glad I am leaving !!!