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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband telling me my braxton hicks shouldn't be painful

78 replies

HyphenCobra · 24/11/2021 11:25

Okay so may have just shouted at my DH and feeling a bit guilty 🙈 but also quite incensed lol

I have never had braxton hicks contractions in pregnancy before.

This pregnancy since late first trimester i was getting this really weird sensation in my stomach like a tightness, but it made my heart rate quicken and like an out if breath feeling. Honestly can't describe it! Not painful but certainly not comfortable at all and definitely not something i could just ignore.

So in second trimester after lots of googling, i realised what it was - Braxton Hicks!!

So they've gradually gotten worse and i get some every day. Often if DH is around and i am having a strong one i get him to squeeze my hand hard whilst i just breathe until it tails off and goes. Sometimes they last like 2 minutes 😒

Anyway - today. We are having a discussion and i say to him to hold on a minute, i then just quietly sit there, just waiting for the feeling to pass of a BH.

After, DH says 'BH shouldn't be painful or uncomfortable. I googled it. If it's that bad you should really be speaking to the GP'

😶😶😶😡

This seems to be his passive aggressive answer to anything if he thinks I'm being melodramatic.

I was not doubled over, or have ever been. I have tried to explain what they feel like, but it's so hard to articulate. I hate getting them as it's so so uncomfortable and hate how it makes my breathing/heart rate feel all funny. But no, him who has never been pregnant has consulted google, and i am just either over acting it or have some serious medical condition!!

AIBU to be peeved at his response? Or not?

Btw this isn't just him being concerned or anything. He was annoyed we had to pause our discussion.

OP posts:
NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 24/11/2021 12:12

Idk why there are people saying they're not painful because surely it's unique to every pregnancy? Mine were like period cramps and I started getting them a month before I went into labour, they could be quite intense at times.
I would normally only get them a couple times though, not all day.

Timeforwinterclothes · 24/11/2021 12:16

I'd definitely get this checked even if it's just for reassurance. My DD had this and had a placental abruption at 31 weeks. Lucky she was actually in the hospital when she suddenly had a really bad one and was rushed to theatre. So lucky.

Gymohithoughtyousaidgin · 24/11/2021 12:21

Getting chili in your eye isn't painful, doesn't mean it isn't uncomfortable and unpleasant.

He is being out of order. He doesn't know what it feels like. I had braxton hicks and it was really uncomfortable to the point I had to stop and wait for the feeling to pas. S it's not painful like stepping on a nail or whatever but it's still enough to make you stop what tour doing

ElEmEnOhPee · 24/11/2021 12:21

I'd definitely get this checked even if it's just for reassurance. My DD had this and had a placental abruption at 31 weeks. Lucky she was actually in the hospital when she suddenly had a really bad one and was rushed to theatre. So lucky.

Similar happened to me. Everyone was assuring me that the pain I was having was just BH but after a few days of agony I went to hospital for reassurance. When being examined I lost an awful lot of blood and my placenta was coming away but thankfully not a complete abruption. I had to be kept in and couldn't even be moved to a "better" hospital because it would have been too dangerous to move me.

I would never, ever reassure anyone that something is "fine/normal" etc when pregnant because I'm not a medical professional and if I'd listened to everyone telling me what I was experiencing was "fine/normal/just BH" then my son and I could have both died.

MrzClaus · 24/11/2021 12:24

This sounds annoying! Tbh from your OP (unless there's a back story) he just sounds concerned and like he's trying to make sure you access healthcare advice if you need it. I understand you're the one actually feeling the BH, but if it's needing you to hold and squeeze his hand for 2 minutes he might be (rightly or wrongly!) assuming it'd be worth speaking to a professional.

If you're having to stop conversations mid flow to just concentrate on your breathing, and I was there I'd probably also assume you were really uncomfortable / in pain! It sounds like advice offered in good faith - hopefully they calm down for you!

Radlib · 24/11/2021 12:27

I agree your husband is annoying Grin but separately to that I'd get it checked out too to make sure it's definitely Braxton Hicks and not a long slow early labour. Mine were a bit like that from 36 weeks (weird head pressure, odd breathy feeling, etc) with my 2nd. I thought they were Braxton Hicks but at my 37 week check-up it turned out it I was 4cm dilated and waters bulging- sent straight to hospital, baby born that afternoon.

Similar type of contractions started at 30 weeks with my 3rd. I was told to stop work and take it easy, and they became less frequent. I was 3.5cm at 37 week check-up... straight off to hospital again for the birth.

2 very healthy happy babies. Best of luck OP!

Pawprintpaper · 24/11/2021 12:29

@Lima1

My BH were so bad with my second child that I didn’t realise I was in labour for hours. I kept telling DH they were BH and stop fussing but he was right and I was in labour. Honestly no difference between them and (early) labour pains.
Agree with this, I had periods of BH Each night for a week before eventually going into Labour with second pregnancy. Definitely more than discomfort… although I do think the medical profession use the word “uncomfortable” as it’s less scary than saying painful (like when they talk about having verrucas frozen or having a coil put in, or anything to do with breastfeeding).
stingofthebutterfly · 24/11/2021 12:49

Sounds like he's concerned tbh. He's taken the time to do research and no, Braxton Hicks contractions should not be painful. If you're genuinely having to stop what you're doing so early on in your pregnancy, then he's probably right that you need to seek medical attention.

But hey, all men are bastards, right?

Snuggleworm · 24/11/2021 12:55

@FadedRed

Squeeze his scrotum really hard with each BH. Tell him it isn’t hurting.
This

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

PinkWednesdays · 24/11/2021 13:03

Hmm don’t think he has necessarily done anything wrong. He’s not denying your pain. He’s saying that Google said they shouldn’t be painful so maybe something is wrong. Obviously we know that only advice doesn’t always reflect reality, but that’s not his fault.

PinkWednesdays · 24/11/2021 13:03

*online advice

sunflowerroses · 24/11/2021 14:38

I don't think he's done anything wrong but you know his tone better.

Mine were painful, I had an irritable uterus and was admitted to hospital for monitoring on more than one occasion, had steroids and extra scans. She was born a few weeks early.

Snaketime · 24/11/2021 15:45

Stock answer is 'until you have a womb, a vagina and grown a human in said womb and pushed it out said vagina you don't get a say.'

girlmom21 · 24/11/2021 15:53

@Snaketime

Stock answer is 'until you have a womb, a vagina and grown a human in said womb and pushed it out said vagina you don't get a say.'
Daft answer considering braxton hocks start long before the baby's born
CoalCraft · 24/11/2021 15:55

@Snaketime

Stock answer is 'until you have a womb, a vagina and grown a human in said womb and pushed it out said vagina you don't get a say.'
So if you had a c section you don't get to comment on Braxton Hicks??
Constellationstation · 24/11/2021 18:03

Sounds like he’s right and you should get it checked out. Mine certainly weren’t painful. Heaven help you if you speak to a male doctor though because what would they know 🙄

Toastytoads · 24/11/2021 18:05

My painful braxton hicks turned out to be labour pains at 30 weeks. I was 6cm by the time I went to the hospital.

Snaketime · 25/11/2021 17:21

Stop being pedantic. That is not what I meant at all.

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 25/11/2021 17:35

@colourfulpuddles

He’s right. He isn’t denying you feel pain, he is telling you you shouldn’t, and he’s right.

The whole “no uterus no opinion” is just a load of bollocks to shut men down when you don’t want to acknowledge they’re right 🤷‍♀️

OK, he’s ‘right’. She shouldn’t be feeling pain.

You’re going to have to help me out here though, because how is him saying that in anyway helpful, when she is feeling pain?

Clearly she doesn’t feel alarmed enough to go to the hospital to get checked out. But it’s still uncomfortable enough for her to stop talking and wait for it to pass.

But as long as we have A Man saying it shouldn’t be painful, all is right with the world. 🙄

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 25/11/2021 17:40

I honestly wonder how some women end up on Mumsnet - let alone hang around and stay - given it’s populated almost exclusively by stupid women and their silly ways.

Wouldn’t they be happier on a forum where they can worship at the alter of superior men, who know more about everything, including pregnancy?

Submariner · 25/11/2021 17:51

Hmm, I hate to agree with him but I would get it checked out.

My braxton hicks weren't painful, just pressure. Turns out they weren't braxton hicks and I was in premature labour at 22 weeks. Managed to hold it off until 25 weeks with a cervical stitch. I won't go into details but I really bloody wish I'd paid attention to those braxton hicks early on.

Not that I think anything bad is going to happen with yours, but I'd always rather be a pain in the arse at the hospital than take a risk! Smile

Constellationstation · 25/11/2021 18:02

*OK, he’s ‘right’. She shouldn’t be feeling pain.

You’re going to have to help me out here though, because how is him saying that in anyway helpful, when she is feeling pain?*

Because he’s telling her that it could be something to be concerned about and to get it checked out.

HappyintheHills · 25/11/2021 18:04

I didn’t get BH in either pregnancy so did a quick Google - wiki has a chart comparing the location and type of the pain in both BH and labour, so he’s not doing very good research.
You on the other hand have spoken to your midwife and been reassured.

hotmeatymilk · 25/11/2021 18:04

My Braxton Hicks were painful and frequent and I went to 42 weeks and didn’t dilate even with the drip, so it’s not necessarily a warning sign of anything. I’d be irritated as fuck if DP was second guessing and googling and generally backseat wombing my pregnancy.

peboh · 25/11/2021 18:08

The thing is he isn't telling you anything that we as women aren't told by doctors and midwives. Supposedly BH aren't meant to be painful, they're meant to be mild discomfort. Though you can't really gauge that due to everyone's pain threshold being different. So yes I think yabu to be angry at him for it. He's repeating information, and sounds concerned. He's not wrong that if they're super painful you potentially should speak to your midwife about it just to be on the safe side.