Husband telling me my braxton hicks shouldn't be painful

[HyphenCobra]

Okay so may have just shouted at my DH and feeling a bit guilty 🙈 but also quite incensed lol

I have never had braxton hicks contractions in pregnancy before.

This pregnancy since late first trimester i was getting this really weird sensation in my stomach like a tightness, but it made my heart rate quicken and like an out if breath feeling. Honestly can't describe it! Not painful but certainly not comfortable at all and definitely not something i could just ignore.

So in second trimester after lots of googling, i realised what it was - Braxton Hicks!!

So they've gradually gotten worse and i get some every day. Often if DH is around and i am having a strong one i get him to squeeze my hand hard whilst i just breathe until it tails off and goes. Sometimes they last like 2 minutes 😒

Anyway - today. We are having a discussion and i say to him to hold on a minute, i then just quietly sit there, just waiting for the feeling to pass of a BH.

After, DH says 'BH shouldn't be painful or uncomfortable. I googled it. If it's that bad you should really be speaking to the GP'

😶😶😶😡

This seems to be his passive aggressive answer to anything if he thinks I'm being melodramatic.

I was not doubled over, or have ever been. I have tried to explain what they feel like, but it's so hard to articulate. I hate getting them as it's so so uncomfortable and hate how it makes my breathing/heart rate feel all funny. But no, him who has never been pregnant has consulted google, and i am just either over acting it or have some serious medical condition!!

AIBU to be peeved at his response? Or not?

Btw this isn't just him being concerned or anything. He was annoyed we had to pause our discussion.

Will have to use that uterus line 😂

He is supportive luckily as i have bad spd.

But i do think he thinks I'm milking all my horrible pregnancy symptoms.

Midwife said reason i can feel them so much is because it's my 3rd baby. I'm 26 weeks.

Triggers where they're worse are full bladder or dehydration. But i still get them regardless 😒

Friend of mine only got them around 37 weeks - she thought she was in labour and went into hospital as they were so bad for her 😄

It's weird isn't it? 'Uncomfortable, not painful, like a mild menstrual cramp.'

I mean, that is pain isn't it? Okay not writhing around in agony pain but its still pain.

I really hate the way the medical profession minimises things that happen to women. And no men don't get to tell women how they're experiencing pregnancy.

My BH were so bad with my second child that I didn’t realise I was in labour for hours. I kept telling DH they were BH and stop fussing but he was right and I was in labour. Honestly no difference between them and (early) labour pains.

I was going to say stab him with a fork when you have them, and tell him because its a fork and not a knife, he shouldnt be feeling pain

After, DH says 'BH shouldn't be painful or uncomfortable. I googled it. If it's that bad you should really be speaking to the GP' Although with this, I think it wouldnt hurt to get checked out?

Kick him in the balls every time he's being a clever shite😀

Only difference was they were becoming more regular!

And no men don't get to tell women how they're experiencing pregnancy.

He's not telling her how she's experiencing anything. He's telling her he's read that it shouldn't feel the way it does and that maybe it's worth getting checked out.

How many women on here wish their partners were more interested in their pregnancy or went to more lengths to understand what they were going through.

Then a man tries to do this and gets completely dismissed.

@Skeumorph

No he's not 'right'.

I had them - some I would absolutely describe as painful, especially very late on.

a. it's subjective
b. Dr Google needs to be struck off

Fine for him to be concerned for you though. But he's quite ill informed here.

He's not saying that OP isn't finding them painful though, he's saying they shouldn't be painful and if they are it's important to get checked out just in case. Which is the correct advice.

BH can be painful. That is also normal. They just aren’t painful for everyone.

I wouldn’t bother “getting checked out” unless you think BHs might actually have become early labour.

I think that Rachel from Friends summed it up.

Are you actually married to Ross from Friends?! Good heavens. What an idiot.

@Clymene

It's weird isn't it? 'Uncomfortable, not painful, like a mild menstrual cramp.'

I mean, that is pain isn't it? Okay not writhing around in agony pain but its still pain.

I really hate the way the medical profession minimises things that happen to women. And no men don't get to tell women how they're experiencing pregnancy.

Exactly this. They do hurt. Periods hurt. The medical profession minimises women's pain, especially that of Black and brown women. OP's husband should listen to OP, but it does sound as if he's attempting to express concern so maybe it's worth explaining to him.

Mine were painful as I have endometriosis deposits gluing my pelvis together. I’ve been told by other woman that they were just tightenings.

I had them throughout both pregnancies, from 20 weeks or so onwards. Towards the end they could be every hour or more, for some periods of time (FWIW what followed were two very fast labours!)

Anyway I comment because I think they sound the same as yours, the breathlessness was a key feature. In fact towards the end I felt that just a moment before I realised I had a BH. It was like being winded. And if I was out walking I would have to temporarily stop as my abdomen was so tight and it made movement uncomfortable (and pressed my bladder!)

Anyway, what I would say is having to hold his hand for a minute and breathe through it sounds a tad over the top to me. I certainly used to moan about them to my husband, but you sound like you're practising for labour and if you are physically involving your husband to that degree, I'm not surprised he looked into it. imagine how you would feel seeing him have to stop and hold your hand periodically because of a painful event. You would be mildly concerned, wouldnt you??!

My BH fucking hurt. To the point that when I went into labour (with second baby) at 34 weeks I thought it was just Braxton Hicks again, sent husband off with toddler so I could have a peaceful bath. ...not my best decision 😂

For what it's worth OP I think you should speak to someone about it. I had near constant (many times a day) BH contractions that didn't affect me as strongly as it sounds like yours did (certainly they weren't painful), but as I'd read that they were normal I didn't stress about it too much and only mentioned it in passing to midwife. Eventually the contractions progressed into real labour and DD was born at 33 weeks. Three weeks in a neonatal ward could probably have been avoided if I'd made more of a fuss and had labour delaying drugs. Granted the midwife should have taken me more seriously too, but still.

I used to quite enjoy braxton hicks, it felt like my bump was being shrink wrapped. He’s right, I don’t think they should be causing you pain.

Mine hurt too. I thought of my uterus like a runner training for a marathon. It’s BH contractions were like running a few miles to get strong for actual labour which is a marathon in terms of contractions.

@HyphenCobra

Okay so may have just shouted at my DH and feeling a bit guilty 🙈 but also quite incensed lol

I have never had braxton hicks contractions in pregnancy before.

This pregnancy since late first trimester i was getting this really weird sensation in my stomach like a tightness, but it made my heart rate quicken and like an out if breath feeling. Honestly can't describe it! Not painful but certainly not comfortable at all and definitely not something i could just ignore.

So in second trimester after lots of googling, i realised what it was - Braxton Hicks!!

So they've gradually gotten worse and i get some every day. Often if DH is around and i am having a strong one i get him to squeeze my hand hard whilst i just breathe until it tails off and goes. Sometimes they last like 2 minutes 😒

Anyway - today. We are having a discussion and i say to him to hold on a minute, i then just quietly sit there, just waiting for the feeling to pass of a BH.

After, DH says 'BH shouldn't be painful or uncomfortable. I googled it. If it's that bad you should really be speaking to the GP'

😶😶😶😡

This seems to be his passive aggressive answer to anything if he thinks I'm being melodramatic.

I was not doubled over, or have ever been. I have tried to explain what they feel like, but it's so hard to articulate. I hate getting them as it's so so uncomfortable and hate how it makes my breathing/heart rate feel all funny. But no, him who has never been pregnant has consulted google, and i am just either over acting it or have some serious medical condition!!

AIBU to be peeved at his response? Or not?

Btw this isn't just him being concerned or anything. He was annoyed we had to pause our discussion.

This would annoy me too. I had BH very early on in my pregnancy and it was painful like a really bad period pain across my stomach and back but the worst thing was the fear as I had never heard of BH before and honestly thought I was having a miscarriage. Hope you have an easier time with the rest of your pregnancy, sending you lots of good luck

Sounds like his just worried to me but I guess it depends on the tone.

@colourfulpuddles

He’s right. He isn’t denying you feel pain, he is telling you you shouldn’t, and he’s right.

The whole “no uterus no opinion” is just a load of bollocks to shut men down when you don’t want to acknowledge they’re right 🤷‍♀️

This. What on earth do you expect him to say or do?

I think he just sounds concerned and that he was looking out for you. Obviously you know him better though, is he generally a nice and kind person? Or do you really believe he's saying it to be awful? What is more likely?

I agree with others, stopping and having to hold his hand and breathe deeply to the point he wasn't allowed to continue speaking sounds a little bit over dramatic though.

He sounds like he’s concerned and not trying to be a dick and to be fair everything I’ve read about bh says they’re not painful but in reality I would dispute that! I had to pull the car over once when I was driving and had a bh. They kept me up all night every night when I was pg with my second turns out that was good practice for when she arrived

@colourfulpuddles

He’s right. He isn’t denying you feel pain, he is telling you you shouldn’t, and he’s right.

The whole “no uterus no opinion” is just a load of bollocks to shut men down when you don’t want to acknowledge they’re right 🤷‍♀️

Yes, this is oppression of men. Fight the good fight, noble hero!