To think this is too soon?

[Highlanders372]

I split from exH 3 years ago, he very quickly moved on and in with a woman, she was very nice and good with our 2 girls (6 and 8) but I was concerned about the speed of things. They split in the spring of this year. He's now dating again and after a few months has introduced her to the girls. I'm fuming but keeping a lid on things. He's known this woman from his school days so he says he knows she's a good person, he's taking things slowly and the girls really like her. Our girls really like everyone! AIBU to think that this is too fast....again. I've not dated at all since we separated, I can't be bothered with it but I do understand that some people need that companionship.

It's up to him to judge the relationship really and how he thinks the children will handle it. If it's really serious between them despite it only being a few months (how many is a few 3? Or more like 10?) then I think its fine. Trust him to have thought it through.

And fuming is a bit much. Concerned fair enough but fuming suggests you have issues with him moving on maybe?

He’s a grown man and the DC’s father. He has the right to decide what’s appropriate for his daughters when they’re with him. You can be annoyed and concerned if you like but it doesn’t change anything.

It's been 2 months, I've got no issue with him moving on at all I just don't understand why he needs to introduce our girls to her yet, he gets plenty of child free time. As I said, I haven't commented and I'm here to gauge whether I'm being unreasonable in my thinking or not.

He's known her a long time so it probably feels longer than 2 months.
I think it's too soon personally and I wouldn't be happy either but I wouldn't be fuming either if I felt like he was fairly sensible.

My ex moved on (after our 20 year marriage ended) within 6 months of our split. It took me over 18 months to even consider dating again. He remarried 3 years after we split whilst I won't ever remarry. I think its a Mars and Venus thing.

He’s probably already introduced them to prop up some sort of ‘dad of the year’ farce to the woman to impress her.

I think introducing a girlfriend after a couple of months is too soon. Like you say, he has plenty of time to himself to see her.

But it’s done now so there’s not much you can do.

2 months is a bit quick. It drove me crazy when my brother and sister in law split up with a toddler and both had a series of partners moving in and out of my nephew’s life. But maybe he has introduced her as a friend?

I wouldn't like it OP and I definitely think 2 months is way too soon. It doesn't matter how long he's known her, the relationship itself is very new. I'd also be concerned that she's the second woman in 3 years your daughters have been introduced too, is this the beginning of a trend? How many more people are going to appear and then disappear from their lives? I think you are definitely right to have concerns.

That said, it's done now, so there isn't really much you can do about it.

Too soon, but also none of your business unless you’d welcome him commenting on choices you make.

Can’t believe people voting YABU

2 months is nothing, if a woman did she’d be roasted.

@ProfessorInkling

Too soon, but also none of your business unless you’d welcome him commenting on choices you make.

Of course it’s her business, they’re her children too.

Of course it’s her business, they’re her children too. no it's nothing to do with her. Unless he's doing something illegal she has no say on how he parents the children now. That's what happens when you split up. You split up.

@FestiveMayo

Of course it’s her business, they’re her children too. no it's nothing to do with her. Unless he's doing something illegal she has no say on how he parents the children now. That's what happens when you split up. You split up.

The point is she has a right to be concerned.

Some bad double standards here, if a woman moved in a man as fast as ex moved in the first girlfriend, you’d be judging her.

Which is it - a few months (as stated originally) or two months?

A few months for me would usually be at least four.

It's far too soon.

OP hasn't said how quickly the 1st girlfriend moved in just that it was 'quick'.

And I was focusing on the 2nd girlfriend, there's nothing that says she has moved in. If a woman started a relationship with a guy they knew for a while and after 2 months introduced them to their kids I wouldn't have a problem with that.

My exh did something similar op so I understand where you are coming from.

He waited 6 months to introduce them to the ow after we split but only because I was adamant that was the absolute minimum after what they had done. Even then he did it a week earlier than he had told me so I was unprepared when the kids told me they had met her.

He then split with her and was with someone else within weeks (I'm pretty sure there was an overlap as he has form for it). AGain the kids came home and told me they had "bumped into x" at an event over the weekend and I knew it would be another woman and that they hadn't just bumped into each other, it was orchestrated but he didn't want me to know.

Anyway, I told him I wasn't happy with how soon it was. That's all I could do.

I think a lot of the time it's for convenience for them - they don't have to separate their lives into 'child time' and 'partner time' so much once everyone has met and if the partner has kids, it's easier for them to spend time together as they can make out it's nice for all the kids to do things together (even if the kids would actually prefer to spend the time just with their dad).

I dated after we separated but the kids have only met one man and he is my partner of over 2 years.

It's too soon and must be hard that you are expected to not say anything. Many women will say yabu as they seem to think unless the dad is physically harming the children he is okay to do anything. Very low bars.

He’s a twat.

Men who leave always, always move on very quickly and seem in a hurry to introduce the children etc. It’s very selfish.

FluffyBooBoo 10 weeks to be precise so you can round up to a 'few months' or down to '2 months' if you really need specifics.

I'm amazed that some people say its none of my business. Of course its my business when I'm having to console our DC over the breakdown of his 1st relationship. He did the same with that one too, introduced after 2 months and moved in withing 6 and started dating 3 months after we'd split. It's also my business when they're coming to me with questions about his new girlfriend.

He is a twat which is why we divorced, I shouldn't expect any less really.

YABU. You don't get to decide how he lives his life or what he does now you're divorced. It sounds like your issue is more that you are upset that he has moved on from your past relationship more easily than you have. It's understandable you feel that way - even if you don't realise or accept that - but isn't helpful to you.

HarrietsChariot what exactly have I said to make you think that my issue is with him moving on easily? Nothing could be further from the truth. If I didn't have my girls to consider I'd be perfectly happy with the situation but it's affecting them massively. I divorced him, he was an abusive twat. You know absolutely nothing about it or what I went through so please don't make assumptions about how I'm feeling.

You know, if this was a thread about a mum introducing her kids to two new men in three years, after only being with them for a couple of months, you wouldn't be able to move for the comments saying how awful and irresponsible it was.